Jump Start # 2404

1 Peter 4:9 “Be hospitable to one another without complaint.”

Our verse today combines an action with an attitude. The action is awesome. Hospitality, at the core means the care of strangers. We know it better as friends having each other over for dinner. It’s going out with some folks after services. It’s receiving a card of encouragement in the mail. Hospitality means someone is thinking about you. It shows that you are loved. We preachers are often on the receiving end of much hospitality. We preach these simple lessons and folks open up their homes and cook like it was Thanksgiving. It stretches our waist lines and expands our spiritual hearts.

But Peter sticks an attitude with this wonderful action. Do the hospitability, but don’t complain about it. Other versions use the word “grumbling.” Don’t grumble. God has never been a fan of complaining. Israel did that long and hard in the wilderness and it wearied God and He allowed that faithless generation to die in that wilderness. We like to complain. The weather, the traffic, the way our favorite team is playing, the economy, politics, the temp in the church building, the length of sermons, the price of food, the long lines at stores—we sure can complain. And when we preachers preach about complaining, it comes across that we are complaining about complaining!

Hospitality is an important step in helping new families fit in and get to know others. Hospitality is a wonderful way to really talk, share and help one another. But, there is that complaining part. What Peter is showing, similar to what Paul did in Corinthians with love, is that the good that we do can be ruined by our sour spirit and complaining heart.

Why would someone complain? This just cripples the wonderful time some can have.

First, hospitality involves a sacrifice on your part. If you have people over to your house, you need to clean it, put stuff up, run the vacuum and all of that takes some effort on your part. Then, there is cooking some food. There is an expense and time involved with that. The very nature of hospitality is sharing, and, to be honest, some simply do not want to share. They want to keep all that they have for themselves. Why do they practice hospitality then? Maybe they were pressured into it. Maybe they thought it would bring some positive return to them.

Second, some may complain because they are always doing the hospitality and are never on the receiving end of things. If I have you over, then you ought to have me over. Not everyone thinks that way. Not every one feels that way. That is not always necessary. There is no rule about that. And, you can nearly hear the complaints falling off the pages of your Bible. “Why is it always our family who has to do these things?” “Why doesn’t anyone else ever do anything?” Those are great questions and some people just couldn’t answer them. And the complaints fall, and it just wrecks any good that can be done. It sours our hearts towards others. We begin to judge and make false thoughts about others. “Well, they have so much. Why aren’t they doing more?” Maybe they are and you just don’t know about it. Maybe they aren’t and they need to learn and you could just be the right example, that is, if you stop complaining.

Third, some people just don’t understand the good that comes from hospitality. I have a yellow folder in a special file cabinet. It holds all the thoughtful cards that people have written to me through the years. They have thanked me for being there, for helping them, for teaching them. When the dark days come, and they do, and I begin to wonder if I’m doing any good, I go to that folder. It reminds me of all the lives that have been touched by the glory of the Lord. Some don’t know how to do hospitality. They have come from homes in which they have never had anyone over other than family. They have never written a card of encouragement. They have never learned. So, it’s hard for them to do it because they are not sure how.

Fourth, some are intimidated by others. They got to someone’s home and there is a banquet with all the fancy things and they even have three forks at the table. You love it. It’s amazing. But all through this, you are thinking, “We could never do this.” We don’t even own that many forks. And, you feel that you must match what others have done, and you can’t. So, you don’t. Hospitality is more about the company than it is the food. It’s more about fellowship, sharing and connecting than the spread on the table. To be honest, I’ve been to some places, and it’s over-kill. Too much food. Too much fancy. Paper napkins, with plastic forks, and paper plates and a hotdog—is just fine. Have some fun together. Sing some songs together. Get into a deep discussion together. Through the years I have met some very wealthy brethren. I have eaten some very fancy food in a very fancy fashion. It was fine. I have also sat on folding chairs around a card table and have had some of the best times ever. Hospitality isn’t about trying to “one-up” the next guy. That ruins the good that comes from it.

Fifth, some people are just not the best house guests. Some don’t watch their kids too well. That’s happened to us. Some people don’t know when to go home. That’s happened to us. Some filled their plates with so much food, that I had to order a pizza for my kids after everyone went home. Yes, that’s happened. I had people say, “I’ve never been in a preacher’s house before” and off they go exploring as if my house was on a home tour. I’m not sure what they were expecting, maybe a red phone that was a direct line to Heaven? It’s just a house. We’ve had people spill drinks, drop plates of food and clog the toilet. But you know what? None of those things stopped us from having people over again. We’ve had people over and they left without even thanking us. We’ve had a few things broken after people were over. But none of those things kept us from having others over and none of that was worth complaining about. Who are we going to complain to? And, when you do, isn’t that a bit like gossip?

But all the good that has come from hospitality is well worth all the things we had to do. Because when people go home, you have dishes to do, chairs to put up, floors to be swept again. It’s ok. The connections spiritually, and the good that is accomplished is worth all of that. This is what I believe Peter is getting at. Do it, but don’t complain. Do it, and don’t talk about others. Do it and watch the good that comes from this.

We may have hundreds of friends on our phone and Facebook, but we can’t have anyone over from church? Why is it? Place is too small? Don’t let that bother you. Don’t have much to offer? Ask them to bring some things as well. Don’t know what you will talk about? You’d be surprised how smoothly conversations flow when brethren are together. Invite two couples over—one that you know well and one that you don’t know so well. That works.

Be hospitable…that is the mark of a warm and friendly church. But don’t ruin it by complaining.

Roger

Jump Start # 1827

1 Peter 4:9 “Be hospitable to one another without complaint.”

One would think that this verse wouldn’t be necessary, but God felt otherwise. It’s like a mother telling her child to be nice at a birthday party. The joy and the good that comes from hospitality is ruined by a complaining spirit. Good can be ruined because our hearts are not in the right place. Paul illustrated this in the Corinthian letter when he said “If I give all my possessions to feed the poor…but do not have love, it profits me nothing.” There was a two sided good in that. The poor got a meal. That helped them. The other side, was supposed to profit Paul. The good deed was honorable. It was storing treasures in Heaven. It was letting your light shine. All of that, was ruined because it was done without love.

We see the same in other areas. The good of teaching a Bible class can be ruined because someone feels compelled to teach when no one else stepped up. The children will still learn, but the good that could come to the teacher is lost.

The same can happen to someone who serves as a deacon or even a shepherd. They are helping others, but if their heart is not into it, the sacrifice, the time and the service is truly lost because of their attitude.

The same can be said of preaching. The good of sharing the gospel can be lost because the preacher’s attitude isn’t where it ought to be. He complains about how pitiful he is paid or how small a crowd is, rather than the honest and good hearts that he may be shaping through the Gospel of Christ.

Attitude is just as important as the good that is done. The heart of a servant, serves. Otherwise, he feels like a slave. He feels like he is doing something that he is forced to do, that’s slavery. Peter nails the most common attitude issue in our verse today. We complain. We complain about having to do hospitality. We complain about having to teach. We complain about having to serve as an elder or deacon. We complain about having to preach. Usually, it’s the family that hears the complaints. We can put on a good face, smile and fake our way through what we are doing, but before, and after, it’s complaining time.

I’ve been there. You’re tired and you just want to go home and chill out with a TV show. Nothing wrong with that, except the wife has invited some folks over. That means no TV show. That means the house has to be picked up. She cooks while I dust and sweep, groaning on the inside. It’s too late to cancel. It would look terrible. So, you muster through it. What I have found is that sour, “Do we have to,” spirit changes. Once the people arrive and a meal is shared and fun and fellowship take place, it’s great. It certainly beats watching a TV show. And after the people leave, there’s the clean up. Trash has to be taken out. Dishes washed. If there were kids, toys have to be put back away. As you do all of this, your thoughts are swirling around about the wonderful conversations you have engaged in. Great people. You learned things. You shared things. And to think, had you had your way, you would have sat watching some dumb TV show. Been there.

I think the complaints, whether with hospitality, teaching, leading or even preaching, comes from that inner struggle of being a servant and not fully denying ourselves. What we want often rises up. Why should I, is spoken not from the heart of a servant, but from one who is thinking about self. Why don’t others, is the same thing.

The other problem with complaints is that it distorts things to those who hear your complaints. An older preacher complaining to a younger preacher, can ruin the image and expectations of a young preacher. Elders who complain, without realizing it, often cause men to run away from being the next elders. Why should they? Listen to what the current elders say in private. Kids grow up hearing their parents constantly complaining about hospitality will probably steer clear of inviting others into their homes. They have heard all the horror stories. Complaints can distort the image, ruin the good and be a negative example for others.

Service is just that, it’s service. It’s work. It’s cleaning. It’s teaching. It’s shepherding. It’s preaching. If not careful, the complainers want the glory of serving without the sweat and hard work that comes with it. To be a servant of Christ, means to serve. The Martha syndrome comes in when we know others who could do the same but they are sitting. That was Martha’s problem. It wasn’t that she was serving. Later on in the Gospels she is found serving again. What bothered her was Mary. Mary was doing nothing. Martha was doing it all. One can imagine the stares that Martha gave toward Mary. I expect she may have banged a few pans louder than normal to get Mary’s attention. She may have sighed so everyone could hear her. When nothing was working, she finally interrupted Jesus. How embarrassing! She then told Jesus, to tell her sister to help me. Can you imagine! She told Jesus what to do? Martha had complaints. The good of serving was lost because she burnt her own attitude. The Lord did not come to Martha’s defense. He said “you are worried and bothered about so many things. Only one thing is necessary.” Some have taken that to mean, sitting at Jesus feet is the only thing necessary. Others think that Martha was making too big of a meal. Just make one thing. You are over working. You are doing too much.

I have seen modern Marthas. As a preacher on the road, I get invited into many homes for a meal. I have seen, more than once, that the wife missed worship services because she was home cooking the meal. Don’t do that. Martha, Martha.

Martha’s problem was not serving alone. She was getting it done. She was bothered by what another person was not doing. Oh, we do the same. “Why do I always have to teach?” “Why can’t others teach?” Martha! “Why do they want me to be an elder? Are there others who can serve?” Martha! “Why is it always the same folks who show up for a work day?” Martha! Bothered by what others do is a cause of many complaints.

Just serve. Do what you can do. Keep your complaints to yourself. Be thankful that you can help out in the kingdom. Don’t ruin your good by having a sour attitude. Instead of looking what others are not doing, see what more that you can do. Don’t worry about others. Put a smile on your face, roll up your sleeves and get to it. You are making a difference, and Heaven notices.

Jesus said, “Whoever in the name of a disciple gives to one of these little ones even a cup of cold water to drink, truly I say to you he shall not lose his reward” (Mt 10:42). Don’t ruin this by complaining that you have to wash the cup after the person drank from it. Don’t ruin it by saying why didn’t others do this. Just do it. Do it with a smile. Do it for the Lord!

Serving without complaining—we gotta work on that!

Roger

Jump Start # 1397

1 Peter 4:9 “Be hospitable to one another without complaint.”

  I was using this section of Peter in a lesson and this verse stuck with me. There is an interesting thought here that we ought to consider.

Hospitality, by definition, is entertaining strangers. The admonition for God’s people to be hospitable is found throughout the New Testament. The Roman brethren were told to “practice hospitality.” Bishops were to be known to be hospitable. The Hebrews were told to not “neglect hospitality.” Peter, here in our verse, tells his readers to be hospitable to one another.

Often more good can be done through hospitality than in the church building. One on one, deeper conversations and personally tailored to what a person needs can be accomplished in the setting of a home that just doesn’t work in the church building. Friendships are formed, spiritual ties are strengthened and love is expressed and shared through hospitality.

There are three thoughts I want to share about this.

First, hospitality takes a team effort at home. Mom and dad must be on the same page here. If you are inviting folks over, clean the place up, make it look inviting, work together in this way. One cooks and the other sets the table. One puts out more chairs and the other sees that things are just right. Don’t go for over kill or try to impress someone like you are feeding the queen, that can kill the atmosphere of what you are trying to accomplish. It isn’t a time to show off, but entertain. Get the kids involved in helping. This will be an example for them to learn as well.

Second, don’t get in the pattern of just inviting your family and friends over. There is a need for that, but you miss out the joy of fellowship and helping others when you don’t include others. Think of the older ones. Think of the widows. Think of the young couples. Invite, include and open your home and your heart. If there is a couple that is very shy, then include another couple that likes to talk. Having two or three families over allows people to get to know more and more people. For the shepherds of the congregation, this is a great opportunity to learn and see what is going on in the lives of some of the sheep. Don’t just talk about yourself, let your guests talk. Get to know them. What a wonderful, wonderful occasion this can be.

Third, from our passage today, Peter adds, “without complaint.” Be hospitable with one another, without complaint. I wonder why Peter had to add the “without complaint” part. I suppose it happened. I expect it continues to happen. This takes away the good that is done. I’m not sure the context allows us to know who was being complained to. Were they complaining to God? I tend to doubt that? More likely, it was to their family and friends. This is what we generally do.

Here are some of the complaints that they may have said. This is just things I thought up, but I believe they fit the situation.

• Why is it that we are the ones who always have people over? Why doesn’t someone invite us once in a while?
• Why do we always have to feed the visiting preacher? We hardly know him.
• Some people just stay too long and never go home.
• Some just talk and talk and talk and they never let anyone else talk.
• They don’t even offer to help do the dishes where we are done.
• They never offer to bring something when we invite them.
• Their kids aren’t very well behaved.

Oh, the complaints we can come up with. It’s enough for some to not be hospitable. Some would say, “That’s why we don’t have people in our home.” That’s not good enough, nor right. The passage tells us that we need to be hospitable with one another.

Hospitality isn’t limited to just feeding a family in your home. There are many ways to express love and kindness. Gifts purchased, sitting with someone in a surgery waiting room, sitting in a restaurant together, doing things together—but you pick up the tab. You be the generous one. You make the other one feel welcome and special. You share your heart with another. Pray together. Read passages together. Have enough people over to sing together. Laugh together, smile together, even cry together. It’s the together part that makes hospitality special.

I have been on both ends of hospitality for years and years. As a preacher, I have been invited into so many homes through the years and have met so many wonderful families. It’s great. Long after the meal is forgotten, the conversations, the ties formed are remembered. Friendships have been made. Encouragement shared. It’s wonderful.

My wife and I have had lots and lots of people in our homes through the years. We purchased homes with the specific idea that the floor pattern is open and it flows well so when we have people over it seems comfortable. We’ve had everything from simple sandwiches to very fine meals—the food isn’t the important part, it’s the people. It’s connecting, sharing and growing closer. We work like a team. I can’t cook. It would be a disaster if that happened. But I can help get the house ready. And when folks leave, I can clean up. And I do. I don’t let this all fall on her. We work as a team. I do what I do and she does what she does and it turns out to be a lovely evening with other folks. Sure it costs a little. Sure we get tired. But it is so worth it and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Be hospitable. Don’t ruin it by complaining. Don’t let the good be destroyed because of your attitude. Some folks might do well just to think of others once in a while. When you are invited to someone’s house, don’t be a hog at the feeding trough. I’ve seen that. A line of people behind one guy who has stacked his plate so high that you’d think he hasn’t eaten in months. The folks at the end of the line worry if there will be anything left for them. I’ve actually seen a few occasions, when there wasn’t. Be thoughtful of others. When you bring your children into another’s home, watch them. Little fingers like to touch things and pick things up and that makes a couple without kids very nervous. Don’t do all the talking when you are with others, and this is especially hard for us preachers. We excel in talking but sometimes we just need to listen. Be thankful that someone had you over. Compliment them and express your thanks. Don’t return the favor because you feel compelled to. That ruins the atmosphere. Serve out of love. If you are asked to say the prayer at the meal, remember the occasion. It may not be best for a long, long prayer at that time. Don’t damper the atmosphere by trash talking the church, the leaders or others not there. Don’t turn the setting into a dumping ground. Make it positive. Make it beneficial. Make folks leave glad that they came. Just be thoughtful and think about things.

Be hospitable without complaint. How long has it been since you’ve shown hospitality? Maybe you can start the wheels working on that today for this coming weekend. Get thinking about what you need to do, who you need to invite and then get busy doing it. And don’t forget Peter’s words, “without complaint.”

Roger