Jump Start # 3620

Proverbs 31:10-11 “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.”

My general routine when I’m grabbing a bite for lunch is to listen to the Dave Ramsey Program about finances. I’ve listened to him for years and have found his sound advice and tips work well. The other day Dave was talking about pre-marriage counseling. He listed four areas that a couple must agree upon. He said the statistics show a greater than 90% probability of a successful marriage, if both parties enter the relationship in agreement on these four areas.

Interestingly, I have taught these four areas many times to young couples wanting to get married. Here they are:

First, financial. One of the leading causes for stress in marriage and divorce is finances. Understanding debt. Working a budget. Being on the same page about giving. Ramsay even recommends a trial monthly budget before the couple gets married. List what comes in and what is going out. See if they can live on a pretend, imaginary budget. Impulsive spending kills the budget, which wrecks future goals. What debt is coming into the marriage? How long will it take to pay that off?

Serious conversations. Putting real numbers on paper. This reveals attitudes about money.

Second, children. How many? How are they going to be raised? Attitudes about discipline, schooling, allowances will tell where each of you are on these subjects. Both bring in a background of how each was raised. Sometimes those are very different approaches and philosophies.

Serous conversations need to take place.

Third, in-laws. How much will family be involved in your family? How will you do holidays? Are you going to be able to tell family “no,” when they want you to drop what you are doing and come over? As parents age, who will take care of them and how?

Serious conversations need to take place.

Fourth, Ramsey included religion. I’d put this number one on my list. Being on the same page with each other and God is so important. How often are you going to attend services? Are you going to have people over to your home? How much will you contribute? Is that an item in the budget? Will we have devotions at home with the children? If it comes between your mate and God, you must side with God. As much as you love your spouse, they did not die for your sins. They cannot redeem you.

Serious conversations need to take place. Can this person help me get to Heaven? Will this person make me stronger in my faith?

Not being on the same page with each other on all of these items is MAJOR. It ought to be a deal breaker. Not eye to eye before the wedding will only come to the surface after months of marriage. What I see much too often is a young man saying, “She’s cute.” And, a girl saying, “He makes me laugh.” So, they get married. Not in agreement about money, kids, in-laws and religion. And, after countless arguments, pretty doesn’t look so pretty anymore. And, the laughter has turned into shouting and name calling. A divorce takes place and they each run to the next relationship, no lessons learned and none the better for the disaster they just created.

The excellent wife, from our passage today, does her husband good and not evil. There is a trust between them. There is a goodness built around the Lord. Proverbs 31 isn’t describing a grandmother at her funeral. It’s the advice of a mom to her son. This is the type of person you need to be looking for. Young, full of life and abounding in character.

Moms and dads need to start putting these thoughts into their children’s head before the dating season begins. And, it’s not a matter of finding the right person. One lady, who had flown through three marriages, told me, “I just pick duds.” There is a need to put something worthwhile on the plate as well. Teach our children to be people of service, faith and character.

Our teen classes and devotionals need to work on these four areas in detail. Have discussions about this. Serious conversations are the starting point.

An excellent wife who can find? The text doesn’t say, “It is impossible to find.” No. Maybe we need to be asking the right questions and holding serious conversations BEFORE we pop the BIG question.

Maybe you can help by sharing this with someone who is dating.

Roger