Jump Start # 1771

Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

The interesting thing about parenting is that most folks haven’t spent much time learning about being a parent. Most just get in there and do what they think is right, whether it is or not. And, this is what is so remarkable about all of this. Parenting is the most important job in the world and the people that are doing it are the least trained. We spend more time in learning how to drive a car, than we do how to raise a child. We spend more hours in biology class, dissecting frogs than we do in how to be the right example and learning the best methods of communication and discipline for a child.

Here are some common things that we sometimes forget.

It is in the home that a child first learns about God.

It is in the home that a child learns to share.

It is in the home where a child is introduced to authority, rules, respect and responsibility.

It is in the home where a child first learns how to deal with difficulties in life.

It is in the home where the child learns what marriage is like.

It is in the home where a child learns parenting.

For most of us, it was not in a classroom where we learned parenting, but relying upon our experiences from how we were raised and what we saw in the homes of our friends. Those are the lessons that stuck with us. So, home is our first school. Home is a place of evangelism. Home is where attitudes are adjusted and behavior faces consequences.

Our verse today, puts the instructing part of children squarely in the home and specifically at the feet of dad. It is the fathers job to bring them up in the disciple and instruction of the Lord. That very statement implies several factors:

First, dads must know the instruction of the Lord. It’s hard to instruct someone when you do not know yourself. This statement shows that dads must first know and walk in the Lord and from that they can teach their children. Dropping the kids off at the church building while dad plays a round of golf is missing this verse. It won’t be long and the kids will pick up on that. Why do we have to go to church and dad gets to play golf? Why can’t we go golfing with dad? That won’t be easy to answer, simply because there is no decent answer to that. It shows that dad doesn’t need God. Dad must be too good for God. Dad doesn’t care about these things. And the sweet question asked late at night to mom will be, “Is daddy going to Heaven?” Know the way. Walk in that way. Then lead others in that way.

Second, bring them up in the instruction of the Lord implies spending time with them. A dad may know what and how to instruct the children in the Lord, but he may be so consumed with work and hobbies and he doesn’t have time. Bringing them up means making the time. It means after a long day of work, when you would just love to park in front of the TV and watch ESPN until you fall asleep, the little ones need you. They need you to settle their conflicts, answer their questions, and hear their prayers. They need you to take interest in their lives. This means that dad won’t always get to do what he wants to do. This means there are more pressing matters than the ballgame.

Thirdly, bring them up also implies a continual process. There is no “one and done” when it comes to raising kids. You must repeat lessons over and over. Learning is a journey. You must teach so that they can understand. Explain things. Warn about things. Talk about consequences. The way you talk to a five-year-old is much different than the way you talk to a 15-year-old. Shouting, screaming, threatening, demanding, are not the best ways to teach. Scaring the kids may bring the behavior that you desire, but it doesn’t build faith, grow confidence nor help them. It’s hard for parents to deal with the transitional period of raising children. When the kids are little, you literally, control their lives. They go to bed when you say. They eat what you give them. They wear what clothes you put out for them. You control their lives. But then, they grow up. You  can’t do those things to a teenager. Try putting out your teens clothes for the morning. That won’t work. Suddenly, you no longer control their lives. You are shifting to being an advisor. As your kids move out, they are always your kids, but now you are more of a counselor to them. They ask you for advice but basically run their own lives. Parents that do not understand this transition usually do not do well. They end up interfering too much in the lives of their kids. Things get messy that way.

Fourth, the way that dad is bring the kids up is in the instruction of the Lord. He’s not following what others are doing. Sometimes this can cause a few bumps in the church. We feel that everyone ought to be doing what I’m doing. We think that we have figured things out pretty well. We got a corner on this parenting thing. Strict bedtimes. Never any sodas. Limited TV. And then our child spends a Sunday afternoon with a family from church. And, oh my! They are drinking Cokes. They have the TV blaring. Those kids get to stay up past 10. You feel that your child has been ruined. How terrible these other parents must be. You tell yourself that your kids will never, ever go there again. But the truth be told, they’ll survive. It’s not nearly as bad as you think it is. The other family does things differently. They can still go to Heaven. They are not doing anything immoral or wrong. We can confuse our way as the Lord’s way. There is no bending when it comes to the Lord’s way. We must stand united on that. But our way may change. It’s interesting to see how the same parents are with the first child and the last child. They have learned some things along the way and are not so bothered by so many things.

Bring them up…that’s the call and our charge as parents. Take them by the hand and show them. That’s what we must do.

Roger