Jump Start # 1643

Matthew 15:23 “But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, ‘Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us.’”

  Our verse today is about the Syrophoenician woman who came to Jesus because her daughter was possessed with a demon. This woman was a Gentile. Jesus happened to be in Gentile regions. She was desperate. She needed Jesus. The disciples didn’t know what to do with her. Their solution was to send her away.

Yesterday, we wrote about those who feel alone in the church. Some are this way because they are new and others are this way because they have not made any friends. They worship in a crowd, but they are alone on the inside.

There is another group that often feels alone in the church and that is the divorced. The Bible is plain about who can get a divorce, and even when God’s word is followed, those that have done right are left out and not included any more. I have friends who have experienced this. It was devastating to them. They were once a couple but their mate left them for someone else. They continued to walk with God. They continued to worship and live righteously. But their world was crushed. Friends in the church avoided them. People that once included them, no longer did. They were in a very vulnerable state spiritually and were left on their own. People walked away from them without talking to them. They were made to feel like this Syrophoenician woman. “Send them away,” was the unspoken word. One person wrote about his experience and said that he received more support and encouragement from work than he did the church. The divorced are the walking wounded. Their feelings, faith and trust has been shattered. They need support. They need guidance. They need love. Instead they are treated like lepers. Send them away. In the first century world, we are told that lepers had to live in colonies and as they approached a village, they were to shout, “leper, leper,” so people could avoid contact. Today, the modern leper is the divorced. Folks would rather they be put in a colony somewhere and as they enter the church building, shout, “divorced, divorced,” so everyone can flee from them.

Shame on us for treating our brothers and sisters this way. Shame on us for ignoring the wounded among us. Shame on us for shooting our own wounded. We have manufactured words to describe the parties in a divorce, “the guilty and the innocent.” Those are not Biblical words, but we like to use them. The problem is, few believe that any one is really “innocent.” They feel in their minds, that somewhere he or she is partially to blame as well. The proper Biblical terms are “fornicator” and “non-fornicator.” That’s the principle at hand. And, even if someone made a mistake and ruined their marriage, doesn’t their soul matter? Do we just cast them out? Jonah was the cause of the storm in the opening pages of that book. The sailors realized that. They tried everything to save Jonah, but finally, at the bidding of Jonah, they cast him overboard. That’s what too many churches do to the divorced. You are not welcomed here. The divorced is no longer used in services, even if he is “innocent.” He is benched for life. He cares the stigma with him and he is no longer considered one of the truly faithful. When his name is mentioned, it is immediately followed with, “he’s divorced.” The calloused, indifference to the souls of the divorce has crushed many families. There are those who no longer walk with the Lord because of the way God’s people treated them. Being rejected from the church, many turned to the only option that they knew, and that was the world.

What should we do? What can we do from this point forward?

First, the shepherds of the congregation, need to see to the spiritual needs of the wounded, including the divorced. They need to pour more time and attention, not in lecturing, but in nurturing and guiding the divorced. From their example of love and care others will follow.

Second, it may seem awkward at first, but friends need to include the one who is divorced. Extend their love to him. Invite him out to ballgames. Send food home with him. Do social things with him. Don’t treat him as if he has a problem. If the divorced wants to talk, let him talk. If he doesn’t, don’t preach to him. Don’t make him feel uncomfortable.

Third, if he is walking with the Lord, continue to use him in services. If he has done nothing wrong, don’t treat him as if he has.

Fourth, encouragement is essential to life. We all need it. A phone call in the evening. A card sent in the mail. A phone text. All of these things allow the divorced to know that people are thinking of him. He is not alone. Friendship is something that we all need, especially after the death of a loved one or a divorce. Our emotions are crushed. We feel alone. We need friends. Ask the divorced to sit with you during worship. Ask him to go out with you afterwards for dinner. Be a friend.

If the divorced is a woman, she might need help doing yard work. Round up the kids and get over there on a Saturday and do what you can. If the divorced is a man, he man need help with cooking. Make up several dishes that he can freeze and eat later. Let the divorced know that they are not forgotten.

Fifth, one of the best things, especially from the leaders standpoint, is to sit down with the divorced and ask the person what the church can do to help them. Let them know that they have a church family that loves them and are with them. Show them that they are not alone.

Maybe if these, and other simple things were done, the tide of people leaving Christ would stop. Maybe they would sense the great bond of fellowship and the love among each other.

I don’t think I’ve done well in this area. Often, it’s because a person doesn’t know what to do. So, we don’t do anything. And the conclusion from the broken heart is that no one cares. No one called. No one came by to see me. No one invited me anymore. I can see the faces of those that I let down. Not wanting to get involved in ugly domestic messes, it’s easy to stay at a distance. Their silent cries were ignored. They became lepers. I regret and am ashamed of how I treated some in the past. It will never be that way again for me. NEVER.

I am thankful for those who have had such great faith that they endured the stares, the comments and the ugly way the church treated them. They hung in because of the Lord. The Lord never treated them this way. The Lord did not send lepers away. The Lord did not send the Syrophoenician woman away. The Lord doesn’t send away. I want to be more like Jesus. I want people to know that they have a friend in me. I want folks to know that they can count on me. Right or wrong, I want people to know that I love them and will do all I can for them to help them walk with the Lord to Heaven.

The walking wounded is often right among us. Do you see them? Can you slow down and help them? Send them away, or help them? Which of these is your approach? Which would you like to be done to you? Which did the Lord do?

Roger