Jump Start # 1431

Proverbs 6:27 “Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned?”

  There has been much news recently about the Ashley Madison website and the revelation of names that were on it. When this news first broke, I was busy and then out of the country. Someone asked me what my thoughts were about “Ashley Madison.” I thought she was an actress or a singer. My comment was, “Did she die?” My family has been ready to put me in my special room for a long time. I keep giving them more and more reasons to do that all the time.

I found out, and for those like me who didn’t know, Ashley Madison is a website designed for married couples who what to cheat. Their catch phrase is, “Life is short, have an affair.” Hackers broke into the website and revealed the names of married people who had signed up. Married people who had the intention of committing adultery. It was revealed that 36 million people had signed up. Every zip code in the U.S. but three. Among the list were some high profile people, including several preachers. The shame of discovery has led to multiple suicides across the country. It was estimated that four hundred preachers would be resigning because of this.

It is shocking that there are venues that encourage and profit from sin, especially this sin. There are several observations that we can learn from this.

Sin has a way of becoming known. The O.T. says that plainly. Our verse today, is another reminder. The sin of adultery has consequences. King David found that out. God knows all along. There is nothing secretive to the Lord. The Proverb writer parallels adultery to putting fire inside your shirt. That’s foolish, dangerous and a person will get burned. That’s the point. Adultery is playing with fire. It’s foolish, dangerous and a person will get burned. Many are finding that out now.

Something is not right at home when folks are signing up to have an affair. The relations in a marriage are good, holy and right. Maybe folks grew tired of each other. Maybe some are looking for some excitement. Maybe there is just not open communication and understanding with each other. Kids, bills, work, stress, can really put the passion on the back burner. Couples need to make time for one another. They need to send the kids to the grandparents for a weekend. They need to pitch the cell phones, the tablets, the TV and talk. They need to laugh again. They need to hold hands. They need to remember what is special about each other. It’s too easy to just junk the current model for a newer one. Once the line of adultery has been crossed, things get real fuzzy. The next thing is talk about leaving the current mates. His kids, her kids, his life, her life, and things get really confusing. Divorce. Child support. Sin. And Satan smiles. He is always smiling when we make the wrong choices.

Ashley Madison wasn’t the only avenue for an affair. It happens between church members. It happens often between co-workers. And things just don’t go immediately to adultery. There are some steps that lead to that. A little flirting. Spending a lot of time alone. A lot of chit-chatting about things that shouldn’t be shared. Hearts grow fonder. “I can really talk to you,” is expressed. “You are so much nicer than my mate.” And without knowing it, hearts are getting entwined and emotions are exploding. Just a bit more of this, and the door opens to the bedroom. So innocent. “It just happened.” No, it didn’t. It didn’t just happen. Don’t be so naïve. Don’t excuse it so innocently. You were blind to the steps that led to the cliff that you are now about to fall off of.

First, you turned your spiritual radar off. You ignored the telltale signs of what was going on around you. You let your guard down. You didn’t stay with your “A” game. You allowed yourself to become vulnerable and tempted.

You don’t have the right to flirt with anyone who is not your mate. Someone throws a flirt at you, throw cold water on it. Shut it down. Don’t give it a chance. The sweet talk, the flirting, the little touches, the smiles, the body language—that belongs to your mate and no one else. It doesn’t matter how others perceive you. Your affections and your heart belongs to your mate and only your mate. You made a promise. Keep it.

Be sharp. Be careful. Don’t put yourself in places where you might mess up. Don’t be alone with someone of the opposite sex unless it’s your mother. Don’t be talking about intimate things to others, including your mother. Be careful of Facebook. Some people from the past ought to stay in the past. Connecting again with old boyfriends or old girlfriends can be dangerous. Be smart. The Devil will throw you curve balls to mess you up.

Second, stay strong spiritually. Stay in the word. Be prayerful. Be alert. The lion doesn’t attack the strong, but the weak. The lion doesn’t leap on the herd, he catches the one who is alone. Surround yourself with spiritual giants. Grow that faith. Commit yourself to the Lord.

Third, have a wonderful relationship with your mate. When the church at Ephesus lost their first love, the Lord, they were told to do the things that they did at first. That works for couples as well. Remember dating? It’s been a long time for some of us. Writing notes. Doing those little things to make the other happy. What happened? Time. Kids. Work. Life. We started taking one another for granted. Get the candles out. Fire up the romance. Pour yourself into your mate. Make them glad that they married you. Spend time together. If the energy was put into the marriage rather than looking for an affair, many marriages could be saved, and be what God wants. Especially among God’s people, our marriages are illustrations of Christ and the church and of Heaven. When our marriages stink we are not doing something right. If given the opportunity to have steak at home or go out for a hamburger, I’m choosing the steak at home. Instead of waiting for your mate to make the first move, you do. Get back to dating each other again.

Fourth, work as a team. Remember, you are one. The one is much more than physical, it’s everything. One in goals. One in hope. One in raising the kids. So work together rather than against each other. Help each other. Pray for each other. Help each other to be pure. Help each other to be spiritual. When one is sagging and getting weak spiritually, the other needs to be there and step it up for them.

You have heard of the principle of the triangle—man and woman are at the bottom or base and God is at the top. That’s the concept of a marriage—it takes three, man, woman and God. The principle of the triangle also teaches us that as each side gets closer to the top, God, the sides get closer to each other. As the sides get further from the top, the sides get farther apart from each other. So, getting closer to the Lord is one of the best things you can do for your marriage. As you get stronger, it pulls you together. I guarantee you that those who signed up for an affair, were not very close to God at the top. Those two don’t go together. When God is not first, Satan will be.

Now, one final point. What if one has already crossed the line. The first and fastest thing most turn to is divorce. Be careful with that. Divorce doesn’t solve all the problems. Often the baggage that led to the divorce is simply carried to the next relationship. With kids, divorce is never final. There is always occasions when the “ex” will be around. Graduations, weddings, grandchildren. It’s complicated and messy. May I add, for too long, the prevailing thought has been when one is unfaithful to either “forgive or divorce.” That is not the right answer. One ought to forgive no matter what. The options are to try to make things right and better or divorce. Some don’t want to change. Some will continue to choose adultery. Those shouldn’t be married at all. But others made a big, big mistake. They were weak, vulnerable, blind and not paying attention. They are truly sorry. They would change things if possible. Their heart is penitent. Give them another chance. Trust is hard to establish once it has been broken. The road is long and hard but it’s the best. I’ve known many couples who have made the decision to stay after trust was broken. It can be done.

Ashley Madison—what a stupid idea. Shame on those who are behind that. They lack God in their lives and they are responsible for making sin so easy. They are agents of Hell, doing the work of Satan. Plain and simple—call it what it is.

May we learn. May we be there to help others. May we be an example for all.

Roger