Jump Start # 1186

1 Peter 3:7 “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

Marriage– it’s something special. It takes work because you don’t get your way. It’s a unity. Two people, two ideas, two backgrounds. One person said, “When God said the two shall become one, the real question is which one?”

Peter is addressing relationships. He has already discussed servants and masters. He has devoted six verses to wives. Now, it’s husbands turn. One verse, but layers upon layers of thoughts here. Look at some of the layers:

• In the same way
• Understanding way
• As someone weaker
• Show her honor
• Fellow heir of the grace of life
• Prayers not be hindered

Peter reminds us that our relationship with our wife affects our spiritual life. I can’t be wrong with my wife and right with God. Prayers can be hindered because the man’s failure to live godly with his wife. I probably ought to write a whole series on this, but not now. Today, one expression. Live with her in an understanding way.

Men are to understand their wives. He has to study “wife 101.” He needs to understand what makes her tick. He needs to understand her language. He needs to know why she does what she does. He needs to know her spiritually. This is a work. As with anything we study and learn, we must put time and effort into it.

There are too many jokes that have become reality in too many homes concerning the inability to figure women out. “The one thing I understand about my wife is that I don’t understand her.” True, but get about knowing her.

The huge problem with all of this is that men and women are wired differently and operate differently. Men expect women to think like a guy. She won’t. And a wife doesn’t understand why her husband doesn’t think like she does. He won’t. Sometimes the communication issues in a marriage and the complaints of the husband being insensitive stem from not realizing men and women are different in their thinking.

Years ago I read a book that really helped explain all of this to me. The Mars and Venus books are good, but they deal mostly with communication. The book I read, Men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti, really helped me to see the differences in the way men and women think. If you look at a waffle, it looks like tiny boxes. One box next to another box. All the boxes touch one another. That’s how men think. They are in one box at a time. They leave one box and go to another box. We do well with our boxes. When the man is at work, he is in his work box. The wife will call and say that she has been thinking about him. She asks if he has been thinking about her. He replies ‘No. I’m at work.’ She doesn’t understand that and cries. He doesn’t understand her and gets frustrated. When he’s at work, he in the work box. That’s all he thinks about. At home, he has his TV box, a fixing stuff box, a hobby box and so forth. One box at a time. That’s guys.

Women are like a plate of spaghetti. If you look closely at spaghetti and try to follow one strand, it goes this way and that way. Under this piece and over that piece and some how connects to all the other pieces. That’s women. It’s not wrong, it’s just the way they are made. They see everything connected. So in a conversation with her husband, she brings up the kids and school. That leads to the neighbors, the dogs barking at night, her mother, next year’s vacation and church. For her everything is simple. The man is dizzy because he is jumping from box to box to box and she’s now talking about the church and he’s still trying to figure out what barging dogs have to do with the kid’s school. She gets upset with him and he gets frustrated with her. Boxes and spaghetti.

Add to this another dimension. She speaks wanting support, a listening ear, and comfort. He looks for solutions. She comes home from work upset with all the office drama. She’s wanting to vent. He’s trying to fix things. She doesn’t want changes, only a listening ear. He doesn’t understand why she won’t do something about all of this stuff.

Peter said “Understanding way.” Is there any hope for waffles and spaghetti? I preached a sermon on this once and a woman told me afterwards, “I’m getting a box cutter to help my man out of those boxes.” Not a bad idea. Understanding each other goes a long way. Men can’t become spaghetti. We are not wired that way. Women don’t do well in boxes. They are not wired that way. But understanding is the key. She leads him, slowly and helps him from topic to topic. She doesn’t overload him with too much information. He’s a processor and must take it all in and chew on it a while. The man must leap from box to box. Multitasking in his thinking is the key.

Communication is the fuel in a marriage. Two people who do not understand each other and cannot communicate will pull apart, get angry with one another and not trust each other. Talking. This is hard for men. We have one box that women can never ever understand. It’s simply called “Nothing.” We drive down the road and the wife asks, “What are you thinking about?” He says, “Nothing.” He’s not hiding things, being evasive or dodging the question. He is actually not thinking about anything. Nothing is a real place for guys. Women are always thinking. The mind never rests. When she hears “nothing,” she can’t deal with that. She thinks, ‘that’s not normal.’ Worse, she starts thinking, ‘You don’t love me anymore.’  That thought never came up with him. He wonders where did she pull that from. She asked and he said. He was honest. Nothing. She can’t deal with nothing.

Understanding each other is tough. It can be done. You work at it. You learn each other. You help each other. My wife is detailed oriented when telling a story. I’m not. General idea is good enough for me. I start telling a story, I get the thing messed up for her. I get the details wrong. Wrong date. Wrong place. That used to bother me, because she’d have to correct me and get the details right. It doesn’t bother me anymore. I try to get the details right, but I still mess it up. She’ll iron them out. Understanding. Getting the story right is important to her. I’m learning.

The opposite of Peter’s words are very scary. If we do not understand each other, we don’t know each other and then we find that we don’t have much in common or why are we even together. The understanding helps us in the difficult times. The understanding helps us spiritually. Different concerns. Different needs. Different likes. But together because we understand each other.

The direction of the passage is towards men. Husbands need to understand their wives. It is good when it works both ways, but maybe Peter knew something about us guys. Maybe he knew that it’s harder for us. Maybe he understood waffles and boxes.

Try working at it. Get to know each other.

Roger