Jump Start # 973

1 Corinthians 10:31-32 “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God”

I know a family that is about to breakup. The marriage is heading toward a divorce. It’s sad and very tragic. There are kids in that family and their lives will be forever changed. I’ve talked with this couple. I’ve begged them to work things out. Nothing seemed to work. The spark is gone they claim. They are very much into the spark business. I guess I’ve been too busy paying bills, raising children, trying to show people Jesus and being a decent person to concentrate so much upon sparks. I know that is important in marriage and that is often what draws two people together, but it seems to me that we have reduced a sacred relationship, made by God into something so trivial as sparks. If the spark is gone, the marriage is gone. Is that where we are today?

What happened years ago when parents arranged the marriage? There may never have been any sparks that made those young hearts skip a beat or two at the beginning. Yet, those young couples grew up and grew together and forged ahead and cut out a deep love like a river that continued to flow until death separated them. That would never fly today. It’s all about sparks and more than that it’s all about one’s personal spark. Marriage is being redefined by the courts and legislatures and in the process of all that, traditional marriage, and I hate that expression, has shifted to whatever a person can get out of it. Instead of focusing upon the care, needs and happiness of the other, marriage is about self. Marriage is about the spark business. When the spark is gone, the marriage is gone. Is it any wonder that so many have given up on even having a wedding. As long as the sparks are flying, live together. It won’t last and they know that, but for now, it’s fun. Vain. Self-centered. Selfish. WRONG. This is all starting off on the wrong foot.

Our verse today helps us get our thinking back into focus. “Whatever you do,” the apostle wrote, “do all to the glory of God.” Would marriage fit into that? YES. Married for the glory of God. That’s a novel idea these days. Who does that? We get married because the other person makes us happy, warm, secure, laugh, feel good, and sparky. Married to glorify God? Yes. Staying married to glorify God? Yes.

Satan loves for you to trash your marriage. Nothing good comes from broken homes. There are tears, anger and sorrow. Most often, a house has to be sold, finances split and deep debt is incurred. With kids, “every other weekend,” becomes the new standard. Kids don’t understand. Grandparents don’t understand. God doesn’t understand. Satan does. He’s the master of selfishness. He wants us to focus upon sparks, and not what is right. He wants us to think about self and not God or others. He wants us to feel cheated, neglected and wasting our time. He wants you to think that you deserve sparks. He wants you to think that everyone you know has sparks in their relationship but you. He wants you to believe that you will go through this life without any sparks and what a tragedy that would be. How shallow Satan thinks we are. And, we are. How fickle Satan thinks we are. And we are. How vain. And we are. How easily we will end a marriage because freedom seems so appealing. The grass looks so much greener on the other side. We fail to realize that the grass has to be mowed as well. Satan gets you discouraged. Satan gets you to thinking of only yourself. Everyone around you is happy and you are miserable. Sparks. Don’t forget the sparks. So before long, you think, I’m trapped. I’m stuck. This marriage isn’t fun any longer. Out. End it. Escape. Leave. Go. We chew on that awhile. We let that thought grow and grow until it dominates our mind and masters our will. Then one day we announce to the world that I want a divorce. I am no longer happy. There isn’t any spark in the relationship. Done. Finished. It’s over we sing. The kids are stunned. Grandparents cry. Friends are sad. Other selfish people will congratulate you for being such a “brave” person. Such friends are just as shallow as we are. Their encouragement is worthless. They fail to mention that the decision was selfish, cruel, and sinful. They fail to realize that you have trashed your vows. Once, you promised until death do us part. We might as well quit playing games and start vowing to remain together until the spark is gone. A promise broken. A home destroyed. A God disappointed. Do those things cross our minds? Never. All we think about is finding a nice apartment, who gets what stuff we have accumulated through the years, how much child support will be, and of course, the most important of all, finding new spark. It’s all about the spark.

It never dawns upon us that if we destroy a marriage because we ran out of spark, then what will keep that from happening again? The spark generally evaporates faster in second and third marriages than the first.

Maybe then it will hit us that it is not up to someone else to provide the spark in me. Maybe it’s something internal, not external, such as how amazing someone looks. Maybe I’ll learn that there is a flame that does not die out when it is based upon God first, and my mate second. Maybe, just maybe, when I was complaining to myself about not feeling any spark, that my mate still felt spark. Maybe I will learn that the foundation of a relationship is not based upon sparks, feelings, happiness, or self. Maybe there is something deeper, richer and more lasting than all of that. Maybe I will see that in the eyes of a couple who after 50 years together, still smile at each other and hold hands as they walk down the road together. Sparks? Absolutely, but something much greater and deeper than sparks, genuine love, concern, commitment, trust and joy in the other person. Those in the spark business rarely understand that. They are too busy thinking about self to ever think about others, especially God.

I protest that we think so little of the wonderful relationship God blessed us and invited us to called marriage. A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I celebrated our 33rd anniversary. What did we do? Take a cruise? Hot date night? Nope. We ate leftovers and packed boxes. We are in the process of moving. Boring some would say. I say otherwise. When love is long and deep, time together is special. Leftovers and boxes with my sweetie is delightful.

God’s people must get beyond self. It’s killing our marriages and our churches. The first step of discipleship is to deny self. Some never did that. They didn’t do it when they became a Christian and they certainly didn’t do it when they got married. Self has always been a problem. It will trip us and it will bug us and it will mess up everything good and noble, including marriage.

Feeling the spark dwindle? What are you going to do about it? Sit around until you can pronounce to the world, “I fell out of love, there just isn’t any spark in it for me” or, are you going to rekindle that fire. God told a church in Revelation that lost their love to repeat what they did at first. That’s a great idea. Repeat what you did at first. Talk. Look in each other’s eyes. Write notes. Turn the TV off. Listen. Hold hands. Date. Something happened long ago that made you say “yes.” Maybe it was sparks back then. Maybe it’s time to build a relationship on the right things, deeper things, God’s things.

Glorify God in all you do. IN ALL YOU DO. That just about says it.

Roger