Jump Start # 872

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

We grew up hearing the phrase, “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never harm you.” That might have been thought up to deal with bullies, but it didn’t take very long to find out that the phrase was flawed. Words do hurt. They sting, cut, take the wind out of your sail and can cripple a person. It doesn’t have to a string of words, nor even deep or complicated words that affect us.

Consider a few of these words and you’ll see what I mean: malignant; fired; broke; guilty; cancer; cut; divorce; hate; dead; gone; failed; flunked; separated; withdrawn; dumb; useless; alzheimers; unwelcome. Those of you that have experienced those words know the pain and sorrow behind them. Only words, sure, but they changed and affected you deeply.

Now consider some “life” words. Single words that build and encourage. Words like: yes; hope; forgiven; trust; love; like; invited; accepted; approved; promoted; graduated; needed; helpful; awesome; great; thanks; please; friend; fun; joy; happy; smiles; laughter; giggles; sunshine; Sunday; worship; God; faith; peace.

The right word can make all the difference. It can be the fuel to keep one going or it can be the very thing that causes a person to quit. Finding and using the right word is essential. Sometimes in anger or haste a person will use the wrong word. Hurt results. A person then apologies by saying “I used the wrong word,” or, “I didn’t mean it.” Too late. Damage done. You stuck a knife into the heart of someone and then think the apology will fix it. Usually, it doesn’t. The right word is the key.

Now some application:

• Parenting: choosing the right words, especially when dealing with teenagers is important. Their reckless, lazy and indifferent ways can make a parent scream. We often do. Then we open the barn door to a list of harsh words that belittle and beat down the spirit of the child. Right words. It’s best to say little when angry. Remember what James said, “Be slow to speak.” Think about the big picture. Win the war. You are dealing with head and heart issues. Often the teenager knows (head) but he doesn’t want to (heart). Right words. Right timing. This is hard for parents. There is no where for you to resign. God needs you in the thick of it to guide and help that child of yours. Right words.

• Correcting someone. Choose right words. Somehow we’ve gotten the idea that if I am correcting someone who is wrong, especially religiously wrong, all bets are off and the gloves come off and I can let him have it with both barrels. We justify such harshness by saying, “I only told him the truth.” Right. You destroyed the person. You unleashed harsh words, critical tones and judgmental attitudes that weakens your position and makes the other person go farther the other way. Choose right words. The N.T. tells us to correct with gentleness. It calls upon us to be kind. Those are not options, kind or correct; gentle or truth. They go together. Help the person, not destroy them. Making fun of what a person believes, telling them that a doctrine is dumb, or that everyone can see that they are wrong doesn’t prove your point. Show them with Scripture. Let the Bible be the power, not your tongue!  Let God work on their soul, not psychology. The manner this is done will help or destroy a person. Be gentle with the young preacher who makes mistakes. He’s trying. He may not know as much as you do. He may have meant one thing and said another. He is young and nervous. I know this. I was there many times. Kind people helped me. I know of too many others who quit because the right words were not chosen. The spirit of the young preacher was destroyed. They felt that they were failures in the kingdom because they made a mistake. Shame on those who in the pretense of correcting someone, destroys them because they used the wrong words and the wrong tone.

• Comforting someone. Choose the right words. Often a person means well, it just doesn’t sound that way when you listen to what they said. Think. Be careful. Fewer words is the best. There are difficult situations that we find it hard to know what to say. What do you say to a young woman who miscarried a baby. You have tons of kids. She can’t have one. Choose the right words. What do you say to someone who has stage four cancer? Say the right words. What do you say at the funeral home? I’ve stood by the widow before and have heard what people say. They don’t know what to say and feel like they have to say something. Usually it’s the wrong thing. Often it comes out sideways. “How are you doing?”  isn’t the best words to say to a woman standing besides the casket of her husband. Do you really want to know? “Did he have insurance?” isn’t appropriate. What follows? How much insurance did he have? Those are personal and private matters. If you want  to hand her an envelop with a check in it just do it. No questions asked. “Are you going to stay in the house?” Not at the funeral home. Too soon to think those thoughts. That’s something that the family must work through. We are just nosey and curious. Right words. Comfort. Hugs comfort. “I’m praying for you,” comforts. “I’m here for you,” comforts. “I love you” comforts. Few words. Right words. Words of life, not words of death.

Right words. Think first. Say the best words. Use few words. Be thoughtful. Stand in their shoes. Remember the golden rule. This works in parenting, correcting and comforting.

Right words. I like, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Those words of Jesus sure sound good, don’t they. Try helping others today with right words. Everyone has a story. Everyone is going through things. For some, this is a great day. For others, this is a terrible day. Be mindful of that. The right words are life. The wrong words are death. Choose life!

Roger