Jump Start # 3722

Acts 15:39 “And there arose such a sharp disagreement that they separated from one another, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus.”

Solomon in his wonderful picture of the seasons of life stated that there is a “time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.” Our verse today is not one of the best days in the life of Paul. He and Barnabas have traveled miles together. It was Barnabas who opened the door for Paul in Jerusalem and defended him. Together, they preached their hearts out on that first missionary journey. But something had happened on that first journey. Barnabas’ cousin, Mark, deserted them. He left. Maybe all of this was too much for him. Maybe he didn’t realize all the opposition that they would face. He left and Paul remembered.

Now, it was time to head out again. Another journey. Barnabas is ready to give Mark another chance. Paul isn’t. They argue. Don’t read into this that things got out of hand. Nothing is said about Paul slapping Barnabas, or Barnabas throwing something at Paul. Even in anger, Christians act better than the world. They were at an impasse. Neither was budging. No middle ground here. After all was said, they didn’t agree. And, in the words of the text, “they separated from one another.”

This is a topic that is rarely ever talked about publicly. It is something that often is not thought out very well. “When is it time to leave a congregation?” Have you ever given that much thought? There are extremes that one needs to recognize.

Some leave too soon, too often and over insignificant things. Hurt feelings is all it takes for some to leave. There was a party and all the couples were invited, but you. Now, you have it in your mind that the rest do not like you. You pull away and that causes even more distance in the fellowship. And, now you are giving serious thoughts to never coming back. Some leave because they don’t get their way. Some leave because they didn’t like something they heard in a sermon. Rather than talking it out, they leave. And, for some, they have a history of leaving over and over. Bouncing around from one congregation to another, the last place was the worst and the new place is the best. That is, until they don’t get their way, and the new place becomes the worst place and off they go looking for another place to worship. Little thought is given to what this does to the family, especially the children. It sends a loud message that we do not submit to others and unless you do what we want, in the way we want, we will leave. Some hold elderships hostage with these threats. “You best do this, or we will leave.” Cowardly leaders will cave in and before long, the selfish family is ruling the congregation.

But on the other extreme, some wait too long to leave. They hold out hope that things will get better. They hang on hoping to influence and change things for the positive. Their spirits are noble. Some have such a family history in a congregation that they plan to be the last ones remaining, and in some cases they are. Dwindling attendance and the congregation numbers less than a dozen. No young voices attend. Classes rooms sit empty. The contribution is just enough to pay the electric bill each month. They’d like to bring in a young preacher, but they can’t afford that. And, how discouraging that atmosphere is. Should they simply close the doors and move on to another place? Discouragement is a common feeling in places that are barely hanging on.

When should one leave? When is it proper to separate?

First, as commendable as it is to try to save the group, influence the whole, and change the direction that some are headed, the bottom line must be “as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” If the atmosphere is so toxic and negative one must consider what impact this will have on your children. If the group no longer wants to follow the Biblical pattern, how far out of bounds do you go with them, with the intention of helping them get back where they need to be? If it is an emotional and mental struggle just to attend, then something isn’t’ right. The Psalmist declared, “I was glad when they said to me, ‘let us go to the house of the Lord.’” When that’s missing, some serious conversations need to take place.

Second, if you feel compelled to leave, don’t make a scene and above all things, do not try to pull others with you. Dividing the flock of God is not wise. Do what you have to do, but don’t sow discord and divide the congregation.

For some, their faith is in the pew that they have been sitting in for decades. The preacher could read a comic book and they wouldn’t care. They have been coming since they were a child. Their family goes back decades and decades. They would rather tear out books of the Bible than give any thought to closing the doors, relocating, or merging with another group. NEVER. They plan to attend that building until they die. The message, culture and attitude can get very squirrely and even unbiblical, but they don’t mind. As long as they can come and sit in their pew, nothing else matters. Without realizing it, and never admitting to it, these folks have a faith in the church building, not Christ. They love their church building. They brag about their church building. And, any deviation from the church building is simply not acceptable. Pray for these folks. They simply don’t get it.

If you have to leave, do so quietly. Don’t leave throwing darts at the leaders. Don’t leave saying mean things, which often doesn’t allow others to reply or defend themselves. Before you leave, you ought to first sit down with the shepherds and preachers. Talk with them. Maybe they are working on things you are not aware of. Maybe a solution can be reached.

Third, remember we serve the Lord. The kingdom is worldwide. Congregations come and go, but the kingdom remains. Serve Christ. Get active. Do what you can do for the Lord. Find ways to teach, influence and help others. Our faith is in the Lord. Congregations have a place to help us and give us opportunities to serve, but a congregation does not determine our worship. The singing may stink. The preaching may be boring. The announcements may be long and burdensome. The prayers may be mumbled. Yet, it is the Lord that I worship. My worship is not based upon how others lead publicly.

Serve the Lord. If you can’t where you are at, find out why. What can be done to make things better. If it comes time to separate, do it in such a way that others will not be crushed by your actions.

They separated…interesting thought for us.

Roger