Jump Start # 1852

Proverbs 18:24 “A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

We had a teen devo the other evening. The topic was friends that can mess up your life. Teens have trouble with that. Most of us got into trouble because of a friend that encouraged us to do something that we know we shouldn’t, but we did. It’s hard to blame the friend, we chose to do it, we were just encouraged and not thinking.

There are two steps in this passage. One is plural and the other is singular.

The first step is a man of too many friends. That’s the plural. The result is ruin. That seems counter to how we feel. You can just hear someone saying, “You can’t have too many friends.” This verse says, “Yes, you can.” Too many friends brings disaster. We are not told why, but it’s not too hard to understand. Friendships take time. Friends do things together. Friends are in each others lives. That’s the idea of friends. Too many, and a person is spread thin. Too many and a person can’t keep up. Too many, and a person is running crazy with all the activities, all the things the different friends want to do. The person with too many friends must be popular. It seems everyone wants to be his friend. Everyone wants to be around him. Some are popular because of their charisma. Others, because of their talent. Some by good looks. In every high school, there is always that issue of fitting in. The “in” kids and the “out” kids. The “out” kids want to be “in.” The “in” don’t want the “out.” The popular kids can let all of this go to their heads. Many look back on the high school days and realize the ugliness and tension that filled those hallways.

One must wonder how this verse fits in with social media today. Is it possible to have “too many” friends? All the texts. All the Twitter. All the Facebook posts. Reading all of that every day can take the day. Before long, a person spends every spare moment checking their phone. Another message. Another post. More likes to add. More smiles to post. More comments to add. Does it ever get to the point where a person says, “too much?”

We are not told what the “ruin” is that the writer had in mind. Was he ruined physically by exhaustion? Was he ruined morally as he tried to please all these people? Was he ruined spiritually? It may have been a combination of all of these.

The other aspect that we are not told, is how many is too many? What’s the limit? We wish that God told us things like that. Most likely, the number is not given because it varies with each person. One person may be able to handle more friends than someone else. It must be individual.

The second step in this passage, the singular use, is the one friend. There is one friend who sticks closer than a brother. Friend and brother. The friend remained closer than the brother. We understand this in life. We do not get to pick who are parents are, nor our siblings. Some get good ones, others not so good. As we grow up, move away, we find certain people who are dear to our hearts. They stick close. They remain close. They are people that we have chosen to be our friends. Their thinking, out look on life and lifestyles are connected to ours. They have helped us. They have been there for us. And, we have been there for them. We have a history.

Among us, it is essential for that friend to be a Christian. We need that person in our life who not only is a dear friend, but understands and values the Lord as we do. We need that person who will tell us what we need to hear, even if it is not what we want to hear. We need that person whose eyes are set upon Heaven, to be that spiritual encourager, that reminder of our goal and purpose and to be that confident counselor who will help us finish the course we started with the Lord. A true spiritual friend who will not allow us to back out of a marriage because we are tired. A true spiritual friend who knows our story and still loves us.

The first and foremost place we need that friend is in our marriage. Marrying your best friend, who so happens to be your spiritual best friend, is vital. You need to pray in your marriage. You need encouragement in your marriage. You need to be on the same page spiritually so your decisions, will honor the Lord. It is often asked, “Is it a sin to marry someone who is not a Christian?” Of course, not. Many are Christians today, because of their mate. Many more, though, are no longer walking with the Lord because of their mate. They compromised. They got weaker. Instead of pulling their mate up, their mate pulled them down. It’s always easier to go down hill than up hill. It’s hard to have hospitality, especially with the church family, when one in the marriage is not a Christian. It’s hard to give as you really want to when one in the marriage doesn’t see the importance of doing that.

Marrying your best friend is a part of life that parents have trouble with. Your child tells you everything. Growing up, you become the most important person in your child’s life. Then they meet someone, fall in love and get married, and you are replaced. You are not involved as much. You are not told much. They have shifted their friendship from you to their mate. That’s the way it is supposed to be. God said a man should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. This is the way it is to be, but for parents, they feel left out. It’s hard, but that’s the way we want it for their sake. Parents that do not get this, continually drive a wedge in their child’s marriage and make things difficult. Parents, we are replaced in our child’s heart by their mate. You can understand this in your own life and make this easy or you can become the “in-law” that everyone dreads.

Outside of our marriage, we ought to have a dear spiritual friend that we can talk to. Someone who is going to be that encourager and help for us. What a powerful difference that makes to have that person who is there to help, guide, remind and even kick us in the pants when we need it.

Do you have that? Who do you go to when you have concerns spiritually? Who can you talk to about things spiritually? Who picks you up spiritually?

In many ways, too many friends brings a person to ruin, just as no friends brings a person to ruin. It’s more than simply having a friend, it’s having the right kind of friend who is of great spiritual quality and brings the best out of you.

We all need that. I got to spend a couple of hours with one of mine yesterday. It is always worth it!

Roger