Jump Start # 1772

Proverbs 10:1 “A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish son is grief to his mother.”

The book of Proverbs is one of the greatest sources of help for parents. I feel that too often we view Proverbs as a collection of wise sayings that are good and nice but not having much meat on the bone. These can be seen as “Heaven’s fortune cookies.” There is more to it than that. From the opening sentences of the book, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction…’ (1:8) to the closing chapter, where we find, “The words of King Lemuel, the oracle which his mother taught him,” (31:1) the entire book involves communication, warnings, wisdom and instruction,  and even words on how to find a wife. This is parenting. It would be a great study to walk through Proverbs and focus upon parenting. You find warnings about envying evil doers. You find instructions about not associating with angry people. You see the consequences of wrong choices, such as the young man in chapter 7. Wisdom about the proper use of our tongue. Instructions about money and debt. Proverbs is right where we are. It’s the practical things that parents need to be engaging and sharing with their children. Proverbs is more than cute sayings. It’s life. It’s living as God wants us to.

There are several paradoxes of parenting:

1.There is the paradox of expectations.  Parenting is the greatest thing that you will do and the one thing that you will feel overwhelmed and most inadequate about. What you face as a parent are some of the greatest worries, hardest challenges and most difficult endeavors in your life. There is nothing like that little hand reaching up and holding your hand. The sparkle in their eyes, the smile on their faces and the innocent sleep and sweet dreams that they have can just make your heart burst with joy. You want the best for your children. You want them to be safe, smart, adjusted and able to deal with life. You want their journey to be smoother and better than what you had. The expectations are grand and we often wonder if we are up to that task, but God believes in you and that you can do this.

2. Raising your children presents the paradox of emotions. Raising your children can be great joy but it can be very frustrating. “Terrible twos,” is enough. But they get big and they can roll their eyes, dig in their heels and do the very opposite of what you said. Motivating children can be hard when all they want to do is sit around and play video games. You’ll fight for your kids, help your kids and pour your all into their lives and sometimes, just once, you’d love to hear a “Thank you, mom.” Then out of the blue, they surprise you. They step up to the occasion and clean the house without asking. They make dinner. They get up without you having to holler at them.

3. There is the paradox of responsibility. There is an eagerness to see them grow, take responsibility and do things on their own, but that comes with a great reluctance to let them go. The day that they can dress themselves…feed themselves…clean up their room—it’s great. It’s wonderful to send one down to the store to pick up something that you need. Growing up. Being responsible. But then it comes the time when move out and move on their own. I’m on the other end of things now. We are “empty nesters.” The house doesn’t get as messy as it once did. When my youngest moved out a few years ago, he asked me if I was going to be ok. He said, “Dad, you’ve had kids around here for 30 years.” I told him, “whenever there was a mess, and your mom fussed, ‘who did this?’ I also said, ‘it must have been one of the boys.’ Now, she’ll know which boy it was, because there is no one around to make messes but me.” It’s much quieter than it once was. I get more done now simply because my schedule doesn’t involve picking someone up from school, going to practices, or watching them play ball. In the powerful instructions about marriage, Jesus reminds us that a man is to leave his father and mother. That is dealing with more than location as it is maturity, responsibility and growing up on the insides. He has left. He is ready to start his own home. That is the direction of parenting. That is what you want. But as much as you want that and know that it is good for them, it is hard on you as a parent to let go of that kite string and watch them soar off on their own.

4. Then comes the paradox of growing older. The roles reverse. You appreciate your children helping you out and now you resign yourself to the fact that you need them. When I’m with my dad now, I take hold of his arm when we come to steps. It’s hard on him. There was a time when he did that to me because I was little. It’s hard on parents to admit that we need the help of our children. This fast paced world and ever changing technology puts many of us behind. We turn to our grandkids for help with our cell phones. It makes us realize that we are losing our independence and that we are relying on our children more and more. It’s a struggle in some families when the time comes to take away car keys, or move to assisted living. The dying Jesus, on the cross, gave instructions to take care of His mother. There comes a time when the children become the parent and the parent the child.

Solomon said it this way, “a generation goes and a generation comes.” In that one simple statement, those  seven words, are layers of emotions, paradoxes and what we call life.

There is no greater task than parenting. Getting them out of the house is not the goal. The goal is raising godly, responsible people who love the Lord and will carry on the work of the kingdom. I have a son who preaches now. He’s good. He’s very good. I say that not because I am his dad, but because of the way he preaches. He is now preaching in places that I have preached before. Folks teasingly say, “He’s better than you are.” I know that. He is. When he started, he was known because of me. Now, it’s changing. Folks are saying to me, “are you related to Jordan?” That’s what parents want in all of their children. To see them doing well. To see them walking with the Lord. To see them helping others. To see them thinking of things and doing things that you never would have.

It’s a journey getting there. There are battles and struggles and tears and laughter and joys. It seems long, but it really isn’t. There are days you think that child will never get out of the terrible twos. They will. There are days that you sigh. You pray. You hold on.

It’s the greatest thing that you will ever do. God bless you parents who care so much and are engaged in raising them the way the Lord wants you to.

Roger