Jump Start # 1224

Proverbs 26:21 “Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife.”

  The grilling season is nearing the end here in Indiana. Rumors of coming snow flurries has convinced most of us that fall is over and winter is about to hit us. When it comes to grilling, I am old fashioned and like the charcoal. It takes longer, and it’s a bit messy, but there is something about the process that I enjoy. I’ve turned down offers for gas grills. I’ll stick with my charcoal. So this verse interests me. Charcoal to hot embers—I understand that. Those black charcoal squares begin to turn white on the edges and before long, all of them are white and deep underneath glows the red burning embers. The charcoal keeps the hot embers burning. Easy concept when grilling. Don’t put your food on the grill until the charcoal is white.

The hot fire is the analogy to a fussing man. The Proverb writer describes him as contentious. He “contends.” He argues. He is demanding. He is forceful. He won’t back down nor hush up. His way is the only way. He is opinionated, obnoxious and borderline rude. He leaves a trail of verbally assaulted people, beginning with his own wife and children. They fear one of his tirades. At work, most try to avoid him. Behind his back they know him as a jerk, which he is. He causes a scene in stores. He is known to yell on the phone. Like that charcoal sitting next to the hot embers, this hot contentious person creates strife. And yes, it spills over to the church. He is everyone’s nightmare. Thriving on controversy, he loves to stir things up. He pushes the buttons of the class teacher, asking questions that should not be asked openly, ignoring who might be in the audience and who he might be confusing or upsetting. It is sport to the contentious man. He is always questioning the decisions being made, not seeking Biblical proof, which is a fine thing to do, but just because he likes to be the burr in everyone’s saddle.

The trail of destruction that follows such a man is large and messy. He is so hard to work with, that some seek employment elsewhere. His kids do not want to invite friends over for fear that he’ll upset and embarrass them. He upsets folks at church. People leave with frowns and discouraged hearts. He is the cause for some to stay home or others to find another congregation to attend. He is clueless to all of this and really doesn’t care. It’s their problem, he tells himself.

So serious is this, that in the New Testament, that the Romans were told to mark such a person, keep their eye on him and avoid him. He is trouble and God didn’t want such a person troubling His people.

Through the years I have known several folks who fit this description. They are difficult to work with and nearly impossible to reason with. Why they are that way is a mystery to me. I don’t know if it is the result of dysfunctional home life as a child, insecurity about who they are, lack of attention, or simply living the example of a bully that they witnessed. Harder than trying to figure out why some are like this, is knowing what to do with them? I’ve always liked the suggestion of simply locking them in a basement room by themselves until they can get along with others. Can’t really do that, nor is that the Christ like thing to do. It is tempting though.

This is a work for parents and shepherds in God’s church. The way to stop contention is by not giving the contentious a platform to be a bully.

1. This begins in the home. Old children love to “boss” the younger ones around. They learn to be “bossy.”  Stop this early. Don’t let them always pull rank or use pressure to get their way. They get away with it at home and then it spills over to neighborhood kids, school and becomes a lifelong way of interacting. Stop it early.  Birth order doesn’t give one the right to call all the shots.

2. In the church, contention is held in check by great leaders and class teachers. Some like to teach the class from their seat. They interrupt the teacher, turn the direction of the class, make the teacher get off the schedule and before long the class becomes a one on one sessions between Mr. Contention and the teacher. Everyone else sits in silence, wondering what has just happened. What to do? The teacher must teach. If what the contentious person asks is not pertaining to the subject at hand, nor a good time to discuss it, don’t. Tell him that you will talk to him in private. Continue on. If he interrupts, remind him that we are not talking about this. If he insists, then a talk with the shepherds ought to take place.

Bullying, threatening, being ugly, contentious does not build up faith. This is not the way of Christ. It gets out of hand when people allow it to. Remembering that in a congregation there are young in faith, new in faith, visitors and those who are struggling, pushing buttons and being controversial because it’s fun is not Biblical, helpful, nor kind. The contentious only thinks of self. He doesn’t see what damage throwing his verbal grenades do.

This is also done via Facebook and blogs. Folks toss out a controversial question just to see what reactions they might stir up. Why? Is that profitable? Forgetting who might be reading some of these things and what spiritual damage it may be causing, they love to see how many different posts they get. Charcoal. The one who delights in all of this the most is Satan. Stirring things up is not the same as building up faith. Getting people upset, confused and bothered is not the stuff that builds a confident faith.

Some questions, some ideas, some suggestions need to be kept private. Do your own thinking. Do your own research. Ask them to trusted friends in private. Ask with the heart to know and learn, not to see blood pressures rise. There is a difference.

Charcoal, burning embers, fire, heat, strife and contention. They go together. They tear up homes, work places and congregations. Shame on us when we are the cause. Help those who are on the receiving end of contentions. Help put an end to contention. We are to be of one mind, one spirit and one voice. Contention, by it’s very nature, is being different and not going along. That is the problem.

Roger