21

Jump Start # 1043

Posted on February 21, 2014 by Jump Starts Daily in Jump Starts Daily | Tagged | Leave a comment

Jump Start # 1043

Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

  We have been running a mini series this week on parenting. I hope to assemble these and some earlier articles into a booklet on parenting soon. Parenting is tough. It’s one of the hardest jobs you will face. There are many clichés that are used to define what the home is like such as: “Home is where the stomach gets three meals a day and the heart gets a thousand.” Or, “children will step on your feet when they are small and step on your heart when they are older.”

Our passage is a serious reminder that it is the home, not the church, nor the school, where God expects the moral and spiritual training to take place. Discipline and instruction involve guidance, communication, time and energy. This passage is directed to fathers. Dads. Too often, it’s the mom who does this. Dad is caught up in work and hobbies and leaves the upbringing to the mother. Shouldn’t be that way. The input of both parents is ideal. Too many homes have ignored God and are trying their best to fly without Him. The kids may make the teams, and get the grades, but something will be missing. Something on the inside. Character, depth, spirituality, compassion and the heart of a servant—these traits are learned from the Bible. These are missing when the Bible and God are ignored.

 

I want to end this series by looking at Ten Myths of Parenting. Most of us know these but it’s good to be reminded.

1. You are a perfect parent. MYTH. No, you’re not. You’ll make mistakes. There will be days that you would gladly put the kids out with the trash. Quit trying to be perfect or even shooting for the Parent of the Year award. One of my kids once told me that they wanted Bill Cosby for a dad. How do you compete with Cosby? Do the best you can. Learn from your mistakes. The reality is that you do not have perfect kids, either.

2. You must do what other parents do. MYTH. No. This will only drive you nuts and make you feel very jealous and inferior. Comparing homes doesn’t help. Forget all those surveys and stats on the internet. You may not be able to afford fabulous vacations, buy the kid a car for his 16th birthday, and do what other families are doing. Even some in the church will do things you won’t be able to. You can still have fun, make adventures and give your child great opportunities with what you have. You are the one raising your children. You may make choices that are different from the other families in the neighborhood, or even the church. Stick to what you know is right and don’t feel pressured to do what others are doing.

3. What your kids say won’t bother you. MYTH. It does. It hurts. Some of these things shouldn’t be said by the kids. A smart mouth and talking back needs to be dealt with. I had a child that declared that I was the worse dad in the entire world. I responded by saying, I was shocked. I never won any award before. Of all the dads in the entire world, I was # 1 at being the worst. I said, put that on a plague and I’ll hang it on my office wall. Don’t let them know it hurts, but it does. When a teenager says, “I hate you,” that cuts deeply. Most times, it’s because they don’t get their way. Most times, those things are said because they are in trouble. Still, it hurts. Pray, that helps. Realize you are making a difference. Don’t stop.

4. Your kids will be your best friend. MYTH. Not while they are growing up. Best buds don’t have rules. Best friends allow the other to do what they want. You are the parent. You must have rules and enforce them. You are molding and shaping them. You are more than a play friend, you are dad and mom. There is a huge difference. There comes a time, later on, when they are grown, when they do become your best friends. It’s amazing. It’s wonderful. We are there with our kids. What a blessing it is.

5. Your kids will naturally get what they are supposed to know. MYTH. This idea comes from passive parents who do not want to roll up their sleeves and get involved with teaching and shaping character. The gospel certainly doesn’t work that way. Our passage in Ephesians doesn’t support that idea. There must be instructions, conversations, communication, answering questions, showing them and leading them. It is a process. The heart of a child is soft and tender, like play-dough. You must shape it to what God wants. Once the clay has hardened, it’s tough to work with. Your child will learn about God, the Bible, love, church—either the right way from you, or the wrong way from the world. They will have an opinion about all of those things. You job is to show them the right way.

6. Home is a democracy. MYTH. This is liberal theology, thinking that the feelings of each person must be allowed and followed. That may look good on paper, but it doesn’t work in the home. God placed the parents in the position and gave them the authority to rule the home. It is not a democracy. In our case, we have four children. They out numbered us. A democracy would mean, in our situation, that the kids would out vote the parents each time. Try that with bed time. Try that with what to eat. Parents are in charge.

7. You are the child’s servant. MYTH. There is some truth to this when they are babies. They cannot take care of themselves and when they want something, they will scream until they get your attention. That’s babies. They are to grow and move out of that. Some don’t move out of that. They expect mom to bring them something to eat, turn the channel, get a blanket, run them to the store and at the end of the day, mom is worn out and feels like a slave to the kids. There needs to be some asking and “please” involved. They need to learn that mom doesn’t drop everything and come running. This isn’t Downton Abbey and mom certainly isn’t the downstairs staff.

8. You can reason with a small child. MYTH. The smaller the child, the more you just have to say, ‘because, I said so.’ They don’t get it. They can’t get it. The question, “why” can never be satisfied for a small child. They will ask ‘why is the sky blue?’ You say, ‘Because God made it that way.’ They will respond, ‘Why?’ And then it begins. No matter what you say, ‘Why?’ follows. The mind of a child and the mind of an adult often do not intersect. Trying to explain and reason is beyond reason when dealing with a small child.

9. Disciplining your child will mess up his psyche. MYTH. I’ve read articles about those who were spanked as a child grew up to become bank robbers and thugs. My mom could wear us out. We deserved it, and more. My older brother is an attorney and I preach. We didn’t become criminals. That’s more liberal theology. This is a myth because God tells us to not spare the rod. That does not imply injuring the child, but it does grab his attention. Parents need to understand the difference  between accidents and rebellion. Parents need to be sensible. Saying, ‘You’ll never leave your room until you are 40 years old,’ isn’t true. There is a time and a place for discipline.

10. Your kids will suffer if they are not in every activity. MYTH. No, they won’t. It’s ok for them just to be kids. Let them go outside play. Take them to the park. Send them outside exploring. Too many parents are running ragged from taking the kids from this event to the next. Pick out a few. You can’t do them all. Don’t squeeze God out from what you’re doing.

Hope these help. You are making a difference. They need you. Don’t give up.

 

Roger

 

20

Jump Start # 1042

Posted on February 20, 2014 by Jump Starts Daily in Jump Starts Daily | Tagged | Leave a comment

Jump Start # 1042

Hebrews 12:7 “It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?”

  When the subject of discipline comes up, most often our attention is drawn to the home. Throughout Proverbs we find passages about discipline. The ole’ spare the rod verses. There is a powerful example for parents from God about discipline. How God disciplines us is a pattern for how parents ought to discipline children.

Consider some things we know but we sometimes forget:

First, God states the rule or command. We remember that sin is defined as “lawlessness.” Where there is no law, there is no sin. A person cannot be guilty of breaking a rule, if no rule exists. God doesn’t tell us after the fact of a command. God doesn’t make up commands on a whim. He doesn’t change the rules from day to day. It is clearly stated what God expects from us.

There is a lesson for parents. The rules need to be established. The rules need to be clearly defined. Don’t change the rules after the fact, nor punish for something that they did not know was wrong.

Second, God is consistent with His commands and rules. God’s greats, including Moses and David, got in trouble when they violated God’s commands. God didn’t play favorites.

Parents must see the wisdom in what God does. Rules mean nothing if they are not enforced. A child will learn very quickly, that if tears avoid deserved punishment, then they will cry every time. It is not uncommon  for one parent to be perceived as a “softy” and the other as very strict and hard. The child will cater to the “soft” parent. The child will try to get intervention from the soft parent. Parents need to be on the same page when it comes to discipline.

Third, God’s discipline is for our good. This section of Hebrews uses those very words. It is not joyful. Not for the one giving the punishment and certainly not for the one receiving the punishment. The results are amazing. This section states, “that we may share His holiness,” and, it “trains” us, and it leads to the “peaceful fruit of righteousness.” Holy. Righteous. Trained. That’s the purpose of God’s discipline. It’s not to make life miserable, nor to simply inflict pain. God is molding us and shaping us. God is building character in us.

 

There is a goal in mind when parents discipline. You are training the children. You want good behavior from the child. Without a goal, discipline is just inflicting pain. A child will soon resent the parent for that. The Hebrew passage reminds us that our fathers were respected when they disciplined us. That happens when a child sees the parents point of view. When they see that they were wrong. When they understand that the parents are not against them, but rather, to help them. They want the child to succeed.

 

Fourth, God loves us. He shows us that. He demonstrates that. He says that. His discipline isn’t intended to crush us and defeat us, but to mold us into the character that is best. God has many forms of discipline. The word of God serves as one form. Earlier in Hebrews the Bible is described as a two edged sword. It cuts. Preaching is another form of God’s punishment. Timothy was told to reprove and rebuke and exhort. Preach the word were Paul’s words to the young preacher. We often talk about “stepping on toes.” That’s the idea here. God’s word, when preached to an honest and good heart, will make us uncomfortable and lead us to change. The example of brethren is another way God disciplines us. The admonition of others is yet another form. Then there is what we call church discipline. The public rebuke or even removing of fellowship from someone who does not want to change their wicked ways. God has many forms of discipline. We understand that the situation and seriousness of things involved determine the amount of time and what form of discipline is necessary.

 

Parents must show the child that they are loved, even when disciplined. For a child, love and punishment are opposites. They don’t see aq connection. It is important that there are conversations during and after the punishment to emphasize why they were disciplined and to demonstrate how much the parent loves the child. Without love, punishment seems like prison. Most, want to escape prison. Without love, a parent seems like an ogre. Without love, parents seem mean. Love is what drives the punishment. Love will keep the punishment in check.

 

Parents must have more than just one form of discipline. A young child may need a smack on the behind. A teenager may need to give up his car keys. Parents have to put some thought into what punishment is best for the situation. Different ways, different avenues. All with the same purpose and goal, to train the child to be an honest, loving and obedient person.

 

Discipline isn’t a time for barging. Discipline shouldn’t turn into shouting matches. The offender doesn’t have much leverage when they are found guilty. They may want to plead their case and beg for mercy, but keep the conversation civil. Parents must keep their anger in check. An angry person will go overboard with punishment. Anger can lead to breaking the spirit of a child. The goal is not destroying the child, but a changed heart so his behavior will change.

 

It’s challenging being a parent. Each phase the child grows into brings more adventures, opportunities and challenges. Stay with it. Don’t give in nor give up. God establishes His position. He is God. As a parent, you must establish your position. You are the parent. Your position and authority were given to you by God. The child may not like your rules, agree with your rules, or even have the same rules in his home some day, but, for now, he must obey your rules.

 

Rules need to be consistent. At the store, in the church, at grandma’s house, at home—the rules are the same. Grandparents can mess up rules by ignoring them. This puts the parents in an odd place. There may need to be some private discussions between the parents and grandma, if she continually insists upon ignoring bedtime rules or other things. Grandma is old and just wants someone to play with. She’s not too concerned about rules. Parents have a much larger goal in mind. They are shaping character and building for a future.

 

May God continue to help you as you raise your family.

 

Roger

 

19

Jump Start # 1041

Posted on February 19, 2014 by Jump Starts Daily in Jump Starts Daily | Tagged | Leave a comment

Jump Start # 1041

Ecclesiastes 12:1 “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, ‘I have no delight in them.’”

  We’ve been talking about raising children this week in our Jump Starts. Lessons on the family are so needed and important. I do not believe that we can have too many lessons on the home. There is a shift taking place in society. The “new Norm,” isn’t very normal to many of us. Same-sex marriages, legalizing drugs, blasphemous shows, sexting, Hollywood stars flaunting immoral lifestyles—this isn’t our grandma’s world anymore. Our passage talks about the evil days. The Ephesians were told to make the most of their time because the days are evil. Peter talked about those who had escaped the pollution of the world. The world is broken. It’s time we realized that. It’s time for moms and dads to get serious about their own faith and then the faith of their children.

 

Someone said, “If raising children was so easy, the whole process wouldn’t have started with the word ‘labor.’” For most parents, the teen years are the hardest. This is where so many issues and battles are fought. There are huge things that take place during the teen years. The child is transitioning to an adult. He learns to drive. He begins dating. The hormones are screaming in high gear. The issues of fitting in and belonging are felt the most in high school. Trying to figure out the next phase after high school is hard. Many get their first job during the teen years. There is so much going on. They often begin habits that will stay with them the rest of their lives. Some of these habits are terrible, such as smoking, lying, being lazy. Other habits can be incredible such as, walking every day with God, praying, having the heart of a servant.

 

There are four tough lessons teens learn.

 

  • Not everyone will like you. Some will not like you. Period. It doesn’t matter how nice you are, what you do for them, or if you go out of your way for them, they simply have made up their minds that they will not like you. Some are not nice. Some are mean. Some are prejudiced. That’s hard for young people to understand. It’s hard for adults to understand, as well. You can’t let that stop you or define you.

 

  • You can change. No one has poured concrete around you. Your attitude, outlook, way of life can all change. It’s up to you. You can be lazy or driven. You can dress neat or like a slob. You can work hard and get good grades or you can goof off and barely pass. You can embarrass your parents or make them proud of you. You choose. You can always change, especially for the better. If you didn’t do well in one class, then get after it the next semester. If your boss is on you for being late, change and get there early. You can change.

 

  • Worthwhile things do not come easy. It’s hard to make varsity, first chair or honor roll. It’s easy to bomb out. It’s easy to get in trouble. It’s easy to get fired. It’s easy to flunk out. The things of value take effort. If you want to learn an instrument, you have to devote time to it. If you want to do well in sports, you must work at it. The easy way is not always the best way. Put time into worthwhile things. Don’t quit because something is hard.

 

  • Saying ‘I’m sorry,’ doesn’t fix some things. You need to be apologetic when you are wrong. You need to be the first to say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” You need to mend bridges and make things right. However, there are consequences to your choices. Some are very serious. I’ve seen the eyes of a young man, full of tears, hands behind his back in handcuffs as he was led out of a courtroom to prison. He looked over his shoulder and told his parents, “I’m sorry.” I’ve seen the demolished car of a teen that was driving way to fast. A passenger in the car was seriously injured. He told the other family that he was sorry. I’m sorry. That doesn’t fix the drugs hiding in the locker. That doesn’t take away the sex and possible pregnancy that happened. I’m sorry doesn’t open the doors to a school that expelled you. I’m sorry doesn’t get you back on the team after the coach said you violated the rules. I’m sorry doesn’t let you take the test over after you were caught cheating. I’m sorry are great words and we ought to mean it. However, I’m sorry doesn’t fix some things. You need to think about what you are doing. There are consequences to all choices.

There are three lessons that parents need to share with their teens.

1. God’s people are not perfect, but Jesus is. God’s people for the most part are trying. God’s people are amazing people. They go out of their way. They will be there to support, defend and help you. You can always count on God’s people. Sure they have flaws, but they are miles ahead of the world. God’s people are the best people on the face of the earth. They follow Jesus, who is perfect, all the time.

2. The Bible is real. It will stand the challenges of scientific evolutionists. It will stand the mockery of moderns who think that they know better ways. The Bible is helpful. The Bible is good. Keep it near you. Include it with you when you travel. Get the Bible apps on your phone and tablets. Know the book. Dig deep, lower your nets. Ask questions. There are great and powerful lessons that are life changing in the Bible. It will mold you into the best person that you can be. It will show you how to forgive and extend grace. It will build character and shape your thinking. It will take you to Heaven if you follow it.

3. Worship is good. God is pleased with worship. All of it is important. You need it. Worship will help you. Worship has a way of reminding us about God. We can forget. Worship has a way of getting our order in order. Worship reminds us that we are not alone. Worship reminds us that God is counting upon you.  Worship often. Get to know other worshippers. Don’t come sleepy or late. Don’t come with a chip on your shoulder, looking for something wrong. Don’t come to be thrilled or charmed. Don’t enter bored and bothered. You’ll leave that way. Come to worship God. Come before God.

Parents, hang in there. Especially those with teens. Those years do not have to be disasters. Communication, love, and staying on top of things is the key. Go out of your way to be there for them. Know who their friends are. Know what they are chatting and texting about. They’ll fuss at you. They may not like you. They want more freedom that you are comfortable giving them. You don’t want your child to be like all the other kids. You want your child to have a heart set upon God. Stay at it. Pray daily. We are all with you!

 

Roger

 

18

Jump Start # 1040

Posted on February 18, 2014 by Jump Starts Daily in Jump Starts Daily | Tagged | Leave a comment

Jump Start #1040 

Proverbs 4:5 “Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.”

  The fourth chapter of Proverbs is directed from a father to his son. He’s teaching the lad about life. Our verse emphasizes the value of proper understanding and wisdom. Acquire it. The text says that twice. It’s important. Some of us do well with that. Others don’t. Some get it early, some don’t. Some learn from parents, some learn the hard way.

 

Today, I want to address the subject of children and money. We don’t talk about that much. Too many have avoided this subject because of their own difficulties with money. Far too many are living pay check to pay check and are just one emergency away from a major disaster. Far too many are not saving. The time will come when they cannot work and then there will be a major mess. Our country is headed for a huge financial cliff. You can’t spend more than you make—as a person, family, business or a country. It will catch up with you and it’s not a pretty sight when that happens. The easy access to credit cards is squeezing the life out of families. College grads are beginning their careers with massive debt that will take decades to overcome. For some the future is so bleak that they see bankruptcy as the only solution to the mess they got themselves into.  Our children are growing up with the impression of buying all that you can right now, and worry about paying for it later. That thinking affects more than just the bank account. This current trend is going to hurt the kingdom of God when broke brethren are going to be unable to give to further the gospel message. We need to be better stewards with money. We MUST teach our children about money.

 

There are two extremes, attitudes, that God wants His people to avoid. On one side is greed. Materialism, selfishness, stingy—looking out for only self. The other extreme is carelessness. The prodigal son was reckless and irresponsible. He spent all. A famine came. They always do. He didn’t think about that. He was in trouble. He had nothing. Greed-irresponsible—those are the boundaries that God wants us to stay out of. We must fight those things and we must keep our path between those two extremes.

There are positive attitudes that God wants His people to manifest. Attitudes such as stewardship, contentment and generosity, mark the people of God. It’s hard to develop those attitudes. The world certainly doesn’t teach these. It is from the home that mom and dad must illustrate, demonstrate and teach these godly principles. What we do as parents sets the tone for what our children learn. We want our kids to understand money, use money wisely and be able to please God with their money.

There are three principles that truly make a difference in attitudes and in homes.

1. Make money without neglecting your soul. Jesus said that life is more than possessions and where your treasure is, that is where your heart will be. Making money is not wrong. It takes money to do things, even in God’s kingdom. If a person must continually miss services and the work atmosphere is pulling him away from Christ, then he must give serious thought about switching jobs. The rich man in Luke 16 is a classic example of someone who made money AND neglected his soul. His money didn’t help him in torment. His money didn’t buy a glass of cool water in torment. His money closed his eyes to sharing, even though opportunity to help and do good was right at his gate in the name of Lazarus. Money doesn’t feed your soul. Money won’t buy peace and joy. Your soul must be fed spiritually. Ignoring your soul will put you into one of the extreme ditches that God wants you to avoid.

 

2. Save money without ignoring others. We are the hands and feet of God. The story of the good Samaritan reminds us to “go and do thou likewise.” The Galatians were told, “as you have opportunity let us do good to all people…” In James and in 1 John we read of the closed heart that refused to help others. We need to save money. We need to have some stuck away so when a famine comes, we are prepared. We need to be saving for the time we cannot work. However, in doing this we cannot close our eyes to those about us. Help your children with this. Start young. Involve them in helping others. There are those that you can help. God wants us to be generous. He is certainly generous with us. Living paycheck to paycheck, spending nearly all that we have puts us in the position where we cannot help others. A modern Samaritan today, would wish the beat up man well, but would have to leave him there because the credit cards are maxed out and he doesn’t have any cash, and all the bills have taken any available money. Wish I could, but I can’t. That’s the scene today. That’s not good. This is happening all the time in congregations through out the land. There are folks we could help, but we’ve spent so much on self, that there is nothing for others. Don’t ignore others. Don’t get in a position where you can’t help others.

 

3. Spend money without it defining your life. The brand of your clothes, shoes, purse, car, sunglasses, may impress some, but they do not impress God. It especially doesn’t impress God if you bought those things just so people would envy you. Wrong reason. God is impressed by your faith. Our life is defined by who we are and where we are headed. That’s what matters the most. The Bible is full of rich people, such as Abraham, Job, Solomon, David. However, those that included God, followed God, obeyed God, and walked by faith, are the ones that caught the attention of God. A pocketful of money and an empty heart is not to be valued.

 

From these three principles, moms and dads need to set forth trying to teach the kids valuable lessons about money. Here are some things I see:

 

  • When grandma sends them $20 for their birthday and you take them to a store to buy a toy that costs $24, what have they learned? Spend all that you have? They will grow up and spend their paycheck each week. They have learned nothing.

 

  • When you give a child a dollar during church to put in the collection plate, what does that teach him? It cost him nothing. You hand it to him and he slams dunk it into the collection plate, no lessons have been taught.

 

  How about this? Have three jars at home: Savings, Spending; Giving. Label them. Have the child help design his own jar. When he gets $20 from grandma, a trip to the bank to break the money down so some goes in spending, some in savings and some in giving. Help him decide how much in each jar. He is taught not to dip into one jar to put into another jar. That’s what Congress does. Come Sunday, he can look into his giving jar and use that to give to the Lord. Allowances, chores and other ways of getting money ought to be divided up this way.

 

From this, when it’s time to go shopping he learns that:

  • You have to wait to save up to buy something you want. This teaches patience. If there is not enough in the spending jar, then he has to wait. It’s ok to wait. In time, he may have changed his mind. This principle will help parents, as well. The plastic credit card is not cash. It’s spending money that we do not have. It’s counter to the very principle that we are trying to teach the child. Having patience in spending is a good lesson for parents.

 

  • You have to make choices when you go shopping. There are too many things you want and only so much money. So wise choices have to be made. This stops the spontaneous spending that so many do. Put thought into your purchases.

 

  • You must shop for the best deal. This teaches them to be a wise shopper and not careless with their money. This will help when they want to buy a car or pick out a college to attend.

 

Helping your kids with money can change their life. It puts them in the position to help others and to further God’s kingdom as they become active in the church. It’s up to you as parents to teach these principles. It’s a journey. It’s not easy. But if you ignore it, they will become like everyone else and in financial areas, that’s a mess.

 

Dad teaching his son. That’s the key. You might want to go find some jars today, and get started!

 

Roger

 

 

 

 

 

17

Jump Start # 1039

Posted on February 17, 2014 by Jump Starts Daily in Jump Starts Daily | Tagged | Leave a comment

Jump Start # 1039

Titus 2:4 “So that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.”

  This passage comes from the Holy Spirit to Paul to Titus to older women who were to take it to the younger women. It was an important message. God wants the younger women to love their children. You’d think that was one thing that was not necessary to teach. Mothers have a love for their children. They can be “mama bears” when it comes to their cubs. Yet, twice in the N.T. (Rom 1:31; 2 Tim. 3:3) the King James Version uses the expression, “without natural affection.” Other versions use the term, “unloving.” The love defined in our verse today is that special word, “agape,” that is the highest form of love. It loves another, period. It is a choice, not a reaction. It is demonstrated by actions. It loves when the other is unlovable. It loves when that is hard to do. Loving babies is easy. Loving a teenager who has an attitude, that’s harder. This love is not an emotion or a feeling. It’s choosing to do the best for another. This is the love that God has for us. Remember the “God so loved the world,” verse. The same word is directed toward husbands and children. Love them both. Love them at all times. Older women are to encourage the younger ones to love their family.

Some people make this hard. They are rebellious, stubborn, refuse to listen or reason, and find every way possible to make your life miserable. Some days it’s hard being a parent. When my wife and I were first married, we were told to get a dog. We were told that having a dog would help us be better parents. So, we got a little dog. Dumb idea. You can leave your dog outside at night. If you do that to you child, you will get in trouble. Worse, if the dog thing doesn’t work out, you can sell your dog. Try selling your child—you’ll spend years in prison for that! Dogs wag their tails. Dogs don’t talk back. Getting a dog isn’t like having a child.

 

Part of raising your children involves shaping them emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually. Those are not accomplished the same way. Some of those are easier than others. I read once that every person needs Three “A’s” in their life. Everyone needs:

ACCEPTANCE: They need to fit in. This is part of the social and emotional development. This is why kids with big ears or in my case, red hair, or kids who are tall or small or skinny or big are made fun of. They are different. Bullies love to pick on those who are different. Kids turn to all kinds of things to fit in. Some smoke. Some turn to drugs. Some join gangs. Some get tattoos. Some use sex. They are trying to fit in. They want to be “normal.” The reality is that we are all different and unique. When you’re a kid you don’t see that nor get that. It’s hard. Parents need to spend a lot of time loving their kids and letting them know that they are accepted at home and by God.

AFFECTION: We all need some TLC. Hugs, high-five’s, pat on the backs—they are important to the little guy and they are important to the big guy. Affection is something that every person longs for and needs. They will find it in the proper places and if it is not there, then they will find it in the improper places. This is true of adults. Most affairs take place between neighbors or co-workers. Communication failures at home, leads one to start talking and sharing with someone else. Innocently, conversations become exchanges of affections which leads to the affair. Why did it happen? Someone was needing affection. The same is true with kids. If mom and dad spend each night in their room watching TV, the child will start hanging around anyone that will pay attention to him. They might find it in an older person in a chat-room. They might find it in the worst behaved kids at school. Parents, they need to hear you praise them. You need to be their best fan, loudest cheerleader and greatest supporter in their life. That means you make a big deal out of victories, successes, and accomplishments. They need affection.

APPRECIATION: Everyone wants to feel that what they do is noticed and counts for something. There are fewer things that truly hurt more than to think you could drop out of life and no one would miss you. Not appreciated in the home makes the housewife feel like a slave. Not appreciated at work leads to looking for another job. When kids are not appreciated, they feel used. Some want to run away. Neglect involves more than not putting food on the table. Many are neglected socially and spiritually. The lack of appreciation leads to the feeling of being unloved. Appreciation needs to be expressed. Brag on them a bit. Take those pictures that they have drawn and display them on the front of the frig. Just the other day, I was looking something up in a book, and there inside the front cover,  was hand drawn father’s day cards from my kids. I stick those in the front of my books. They mean a lot to me. After a meal, and you ask the kids to carry over the dishes, let them know that you appreciate that. Part of appreciation is learning to express it to others. Telling mom “thanks” for dinner is important. The appreciative heart is a thankful heart. When we appreciate others in the family, then we can start appreciating those in the church and the goodness of God. Telling a child, “thank you,” is important. When my kids come home now, understand they are all grown, most are married and they all have good jobs, I always pay for the meals. It’s a rule. I insist. I tell them some day they will have to take care of me when I’m old. Without exception, they put up a fight about wanting to buy my meal and they always, always thank me. That means a lot. Ungrateful is a sad state that many dwell in. Appreciate that they clean their room. Appreciate that they helped shovel snow. Appreciate that they took care of the dog. I discovered one day when my kids were small, that I was always on them about something. It seemed like every day I was harping at them. Do this. Don’t do that. I started listening to myself and realized that someday they will be gone and their impression of dad is going to be a grump who could never be pleased. That bothered me. I changed. I got into the compliment mode. I looked for good things that they were doing. Parents, you want your children to feel like you want them. Remember, they are a gift from God.

 

Love your children. Help them to grow in every way. Don’t be too big to be small.

 

Roger