Jump Start # 1042

Hebrews 12:7 “It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?”

  When the subject of discipline comes up, most often our attention is drawn to the home. Throughout Proverbs we find passages about discipline. The ole’ spare the rod verses. There is a powerful example for parents from God about discipline. How God disciplines us is a pattern for how parents ought to discipline children.

Consider some things we know but we sometimes forget:

First, God states the rule or command. We remember that sin is defined as “lawlessness.” Where there is no law, there is no sin. A person cannot be guilty of breaking a rule, if no rule exists. God doesn’t tell us after the fact of a command. God doesn’t make up commands on a whim. He doesn’t change the rules from day to day. It is clearly stated what God expects from us.

There is a lesson for parents. The rules need to be established. The rules need to be clearly defined. Don’t change the rules after the fact, nor punish for something that they did not know was wrong.

Second, God is consistent with His commands and rules. God’s greats, including Moses and David, got in trouble when they violated God’s commands. God didn’t play favorites.

Parents must see the wisdom in what God does. Rules mean nothing if they are not enforced. A child will learn very quickly, that if tears avoid deserved punishment, then they will cry every time. It is not uncommon  for one parent to be perceived as a “softy” and the other as very strict and hard. The child will cater to the “soft” parent. The child will try to get intervention from the soft parent. Parents need to be on the same page when it comes to discipline.

Third, God’s discipline is for our good. This section of Hebrews uses those very words. It is not joyful. Not for the one giving the punishment and certainly not for the one receiving the punishment. The results are amazing. This section states, “that we may share His holiness,” and, it “trains” us, and it leads to the “peaceful fruit of righteousness.” Holy. Righteous. Trained. That’s the purpose of God’s discipline. It’s not to make life miserable, nor to simply inflict pain. God is molding us and shaping us. God is building character in us.

There is a goal in mind when parents discipline. You are training the children. You want good behavior from the child. Without a goal, discipline is just inflicting pain. A child will soon resent the parent for that. The Hebrew passage reminds us that our fathers were respected when they disciplined us. That happens when a child sees the parents point of view. When they see that they were wrong. When they understand that the parents are not against them, but rather, to help them. They want the child to succeed.

Fourth, God loves us. He shows us that. He demonstrates that. He says that. His discipline isn’t intended to crush us and defeat us, but to mold us into the character that is best. God has many forms of discipline. The word of God serves as one form. Earlier in Hebrews the Bible is described as a two edged sword. It cuts. Preaching is another form of God’s punishment. Timothy was told to reprove and rebuke and exhort. Preach the word were Paul’s words to the young preacher. We often talk about “stepping on toes.” That’s the idea here. God’s word, when preached to an honest and good heart, will make us uncomfortable and lead us to change. The example of brethren is another way God disciplines us. The admonition of others is yet another form. Then there is what we call church discipline. The public rebuke or even removing of fellowship from someone who does not want to change their wicked ways. God has many forms of discipline. We understand that the situation and seriousness of things involved determine the amount of time and what form of discipline is necessary.

Parents must show the child that they are loved, even when disciplined. For a child, love and punishment are opposites. They don’t see aq connection. It is important that there are conversations during and after the punishment to emphasize why they were disciplined and to demonstrate how much the parent loves the child. Without love, punishment seems like prison. Most, want to escape prison. Without love, a parent seems like an ogre. Without love, parents seem mean. Love is what drives the punishment. Love will keep the punishment in check.

Parents must have more than just one form of discipline. A young child may need a smack on the behind. A teenager may need to give up his car keys. Parents have to put some thought into what punishment is best for the situation. Different ways, different avenues. All with the same purpose and goal, to train the child to be an honest, loving and obedient person.

Discipline isn’t a time for barging. Discipline shouldn’t turn into shouting matches. The offender doesn’t have much leverage when they are found guilty. They may want to plead their case and beg for mercy, but keep the conversation civil. Parents must keep their anger in check. An angry person will go overboard with punishment. Anger can lead to breaking the spirit of a child. The goal is not destroying the child, but a changed heart so his behavior will change.

It’s challenging being a parent. Each phase the child grows into brings more adventures, opportunities and challenges. Stay with it. Don’t give in nor give up. God establishes His position. He is God. As a parent, you must establish your position. You are the parent. Your position and authority were given to you by God. The child may not like your rules, agree with your rules, or even have the same rules in his home some day, but, for now, he must obey your rules.

Rules need to be consistent. At the store, in the church, at grandma’s house, at home—the rules are the same. Grandparents can mess up rules by ignoring them. This puts the parents in an odd place. There may need to be some private discussions between the parents and grandma, if she continually insists upon ignoring bedtime rules or other things. Grandma is old and just wants someone to play with. She’s not too concerned about rules. Parents have a much larger goal in mind. They are shaping character and building for a future.

May God continue to help you as you raise your family.

Roger