Jump Start # 1039

Titus 2:4 “So that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.”

  This passage comes from the Holy Spirit to Paul to Titus to older women who were to take it to the younger women. It was an important message. God wants the younger women to love their children. You’d think that was one thing that was not necessary to teach. Mothers have a love for their children. They can be “mama bears” when it comes to their cubs. Yet, twice in the N.T. (Rom 1:31; 2 Tim. 3:3) the King James Version uses the expression, “without natural affection.” Other versions use the term, “unloving.” The love defined in our verse today is that special word, “agape,” that is the highest form of love. It loves another, period. It is a choice, not a reaction. It is demonstrated by actions. It loves when the other is unlovable. It loves when that is hard to do. Loving babies is easy. Loving a teenager who has an attitude, that’s harder. This love is not an emotion or a feeling. It’s choosing to do the best for another. This is the love that God has for us. Remember the “God so loved the world,” verse. The same word is directed toward husbands and children. Love them both. Love them at all times. Older women are to encourage the younger ones to love their family.

Some people make this hard. They are rebellious, stubborn, refuse to listen or reason, and find every way possible to make your life miserable. Some days it’s hard being a parent. When my wife and I were first married, we were told to get a dog. We were told that having a dog would help us be better parents. So, we got a little dog. Dumb idea. You can leave your dog outside at night. If you do that to you child, you will get in trouble. Worse, if the dog thing doesn’t work out, you can sell your dog. Try selling your child—you’ll spend years in prison for that! Dogs wag their tails. Dogs don’t talk back. Getting a dog isn’t like having a child.

Part of raising your children involves shaping them emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually. Those are not accomplished the same way. Some of those are easier than others. I read once that every person needs Three “A’s” in their life. Everyone needs:

ACCEPTANCE: They need to fit in. This is part of the social and emotional development. This is why kids with big ears or in my case, red hair, or kids who are tall or small or skinny or big are made fun of. They are different. Bullies love to pick on those who are different. Kids turn to all kinds of things to fit in. Some smoke. Some turn to drugs. Some join gangs. Some get tattoos. Some use sex. They are trying to fit in. They want to be “normal.” The reality is that we are all different and unique. When you’re a kid you don’t see that nor get that. It’s hard. Parents need to spend a lot of time loving their kids and letting them know that they are accepted at home and by God.

AFFECTION: We all need some TLC. Hugs, high-five’s, pat on the backs—they are important to the little guy and they are important to the big guy. Affection is something that every person longs for and needs. They will find it in the proper places and if it is not there, then they will find it in the improper places. This is true of adults. Most affairs take place between neighbors or co-workers. Communication failures at home, leads one to start talking and sharing with someone else. Innocently, conversations become exchanges of affections which leads to the affair. Why did it happen? Someone was needing affection. The same is true with kids. If mom and dad spend each night in their room watching TV, the child will start hanging around anyone that will pay attention to him. They might find it in an older person in a chat-room. They might find it in the worst behaved kids at school. Parents, they need to hear you praise them. You need to be their best fan, loudest cheerleader and greatest supporter in their life. That means you make a big deal out of victories, successes, and accomplishments. They need affection.

APPRECIATION: Everyone wants to feel that what they do is noticed and counts for something. There are fewer things that truly hurt more than to think you could drop out of life and no one would miss you. Not appreciated in the home makes the housewife feel like a slave. Not appreciated at work leads to looking for another job. When kids are not appreciated, they feel used. Some want to run away. Neglect involves more than not putting food on the table. Many are neglected socially and spiritually. The lack of appreciation leads to the feeling of being unloved. Appreciation needs to be expressed. Brag on them a bit. Take those pictures that they have drawn and display them on the front of the frig. Just the other day, I was looking something up in a book, and there inside the front cover,  was hand drawn father’s day cards from my kids. I stick those in the front of my books. They mean a lot to me. After a meal, and you ask the kids to carry over the dishes, let them know that you appreciate that. Part of appreciation is learning to express it to others. Telling mom “thanks” for dinner is important. The appreciative heart is a thankful heart. When we appreciate others in the family, then we can start appreciating those in the church and the goodness of God. Telling a child, “thank you,” is important. When my kids come home now, understand they are all grown, most are married and they all have good jobs, I always pay for the meals. It’s a rule. I insist. I tell them some day they will have to take care of me when I’m old. Without exception, they put up a fight about wanting to buy my meal and they always, always thank me. That means a lot. Ungrateful is a sad state that many dwell in. Appreciate that they clean their room. Appreciate that they helped shovel snow. Appreciate that they took care of the dog. I discovered one day when my kids were small, that I was always on them about something. It seemed like every day I was harping at them. Do this. Don’t do that. I started listening to myself and realized that someday they will be gone and their impression of dad is going to be a grump who could never be pleased. That bothered me. I changed. I got into the compliment mode. I looked for good things that they were doing. Parents, you want your children to feel like you want them. Remember, they are a gift from God.

Love your children. Help them to grow in every way. Don’t be too big to be small.

Roger