Jump Start # 984

1 Samuel 20:18 “Then Jonathan said to him, “Tomorrow is the new moon, and you will be missed because your seat will be empty.”

We are just days away from Thanksgiving. It’s a busy time for many of us. Food has been purchased to prepare a feast. Some will be traveling and others will be having family coming in. It’s a great time. Memories, laughter, fun are all a special part of this.

Our verse came to my mind this morning because I know of several friends who will be going through this Thanksgiving with someone missing. Especially on my heart is the Pickup family in Florida, the Wright family in Ohio, the Brewer family in Lafayette, Indiana and the Smelser family in Pennsylvania. Each of those families had funerals this year of someone who was much too young to die. Theses are not the only ones. There are many families that will sit down for a holiday meal and one seat will be empty. It’s one thing for a person who cannot make it home, especially those in the military. That’s hard. But when we know that there is a seat that will always be empty, because they are never coming home, the holidays can seem cruel and bitter. While everyone else seems to be having a great time, you are falling apart on the inside.

Our passage today anticipated death. David was being chased by King Saul. The king was obsessed with killing David, to the extent that it seems he let everything else go in the nation. He sent his troops after David. Time and time again, Saul nearly killed David. It was the protective providence of God that spared him. Jonathan, Saul’s son, had a special bond with David. They were friends. Jonathan became the inside informant that warned David of Saul’s plans. Our verse surrounds one of those warnings. Saul was going to use the feast day as an attempt to kill David. Heeding Jonathan’s warnings, David would be gone. His seat would be empty. He would be missed by Jonathan.

The first holidays are the hardest after a death. Everything seems out of place. Those around you are unsure how to act. Do things go on as normal? Do we cancel what we usually do? Do we avoid talking about the one who has passed away? Do we bring it up? No one knows. You do not know. The empty seat is a reminder that things are never going to be the same. The empty seat pulls you into tears and sorrow. How does a person deal with the empty seat?

First, understand that God knows. Pour your feelings out to God. Prayer helps. We sing, “Does Jesus care?” The chorus reminds us, “Oh yes, He cares, I know He cares…”

Second, lead the family in making this a special Thanksgiving. There may be tears, but that is ok. Talk about the good times, the memories, the funny things. Share and enjoy. Remember that there are others in the family and life goes on. Spiritual hearts will especially make this easier.

Third, this doesn’t have to be a huge cry session. It’s ok to laugh, have fun and be yourself. Everyone else may think you have to be in a gloomy mood, but you don’t. God has blessed you. God is good. There is much to be thankful for. One of the things that stands out the most is that you were able to know so well the person who passed away. You knew things that no one else did. You knew what made that person so special and unique. God allowed you to be a part of that person’s life and heart. You sat at the table with that person on a regular basis. That is a huge blessing that very few will ever understand. God brings us into each others lives. God allows our paths to intersect. We touch each other’s hearts and are made the better because of that. How special and unique you are to have really known the person that passed away. You were blessed.

Fourth, the first holidays with an empty seat hurt. There is no getting around that. Time is a wonderful healer. You will always miss that empty seat, but with time, it becomes a pleasant memory. In many ways grief is like surgery. At first, it just flat out hurts. With time, the pain lessens. There is no way to fast forward through the first year. It is part of the healing process. Others have gotten through it and so can you, especially with God’s help.

Fifth, with out realizing this, others are watching you. Those in the family are watching you, your friends are watching you and those in the church are watching you. They are there for you. You do not journey alone. That’s wonderful. But more than that, they are learning from you. Their time will come. It does for all of us. Others will be where you are now. We don’t wish that upon anyone but the Scriptures are true, “It’s appointed unto man to die once…”  Next year, there will be someone where you are. People will remember how you journey through the holiday with a seat empty. Your spiritual strength will inspire others. It will teach others. It will be an example. What you are going through is much bigger than just you. Others will see you.

Finally, thoughts of your loved one will bring tears for certain, but how would that person want you to go through this holiday? Most, would say that they’d expect you to gather with family, make memories, share life, laughter and continue on. They wouldn’t want their death to ruin you or keep you from enjoying life. They want you to be thankful. They want you to smile again.

For those who chose to walk with the Lord, we know, we believe, that a day is coming in which every seat of the righteous will be filled. There will be no empty seats. All of God’s children will be together. That will be marvelous. That thought motivates us, even at the holiday time, to teach and remind our family members who are not Christians to give Jesus a chance. Talk about it. Share. Tell them why you are, even with an empty seat. It also motivates us to continue on. We want that grand reunion in Heaven someday. The journey for us is not over. There are more things to be done here. The kingdom work continues. We must be engaged in that until God calls us home.

Home for the holidays is hard for some families. Be mindful of that. Include those families in your prayers. Go out of your way to give them a hug. Don’t pry. Don’t be nosey. But be there. It helps. Do something special for them. It helps knowing that others are thinking of you, especially with  empty seat at the table.

May God especially bless those families that have an empty seat for the first time. Tears and smiles seem to go together, like mashed potatoes and gravy. Our family will be thinking about your family. We will offer special prayers just for you and your family.

Roger