Jump Start # 950
Ephesians 6:4 “And, fathers, do no provoke our children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Our verse today is near the top of parenting verses that people think of. It’s used often. It’s powerful and has been the banner for generations of God’s people. The apostle puts forth one negative and two positives in this verse.
The negative: Do not provoke your children to anger. Don’t agitate them. Now, some things need to be understood with this. This is not to say, do everything that pleases your children. Staying up to two in the morning and having chocolate cake for breakfast may please many kids. They may even get mad when you say no and go to bed. Those who resist rules get angry. They get angry at the rule and they get angry at the one enforcing the rule. Adults who drive too fast and get pulled over for speeding feel the same way. This is not the anger Paul has in mind.
He doesn’t want dads to irritate children. Don’t poke fun of them. Don’t get them mad because you think its funny or that they are cute when they are mad. Because the parent is bigger than the child, don’t take advantage of that position. Kids remember. Some day when you are old they may stick you away in some nasty nursing home and laugh back at you. I’ve seen kids come to tears because of the teasing of the parents. They wouldn’t stop. Discipline should not break the spirit or the will of the child. Some of us dads can be overbearing and too demanding. Our children are not mini slaves. The prodigal remembered his dad as a generous, kind man, even to the servants. That brought him home. The opposite will make kids stay away from home. The home ought to be a refuge in this crazy world we live in. Home ought to be where a person gets three square meals and a hundred hugs. Home needs to be where we are loved, accepted, appreciated and wanted—no matter what our size or age. I believe if the home is healthy, kids won’t threaten to leave. Home ought to be where our opinions can be expressed, even if they are wrong. It is a place for discussion and sharing ideas. Home is good. The provoking to anger is the opposite. It’s putting someone down. It’s making fun of someone. It’s ridiculing them because they didn’t get good grades or messed up in sports. Kids need approval, especially from dads. Dad is the king at home. Dad’s voice is loud. I remember my dad popping his belt before we got it. That sound was worse than the spanking. For a dad to say, “I love you,” or, “I’m proud of you,” means so much to a child.
Dads provoke—but not to anger. They provoke to goodness and kindness and godliness.
The first positive the apostle gives us is: bring them up in the discipline of the Lord. Warnings, consequences, punishment are part of the learning process. Without boundaries we tend to wonder off course. We need guidelines, instructions, guardrails, boundaries to keep us where we ought to be. The discipline of the Lord includes the teachings of the Bible. Bring them up with the Bible. Bring them up with stories about Noah, Adam, Daniel, Abraham and Joseph. Share with them the good and the bad of these Bible characters. Discipline—the book of Proverbs mentions that often. Without discipline a child brings shame to his parents. Smart talk, talking back, slamming doors, yelling, throwing things—NOT ALLOWED. Parents, it’s your house. You set the rules. The home is not a democracy. It’s parents rule. God ordained that. Kids learn early that if they throw a fit, make a scene, wear the weary parent down, then they get to stay up, buy that toy, or eat that snack before dinner. Kids are smart. They will push your buttons and try you. They will push you to the limits. Without discipline they will get away with things they shouldn’t. Without discipline they grow up disrespecting authority. Hebrews reminds us that our fathers disciplined us and that discipline wasn’t pleasant. It doesn’t take too much of that for the child to get the point. Throw a toy and you lose that toy. Smart off and off to bed you go. A little of that discipline will stop them. It does work because God knows what he is talking about.
The second positive is the instruction of the Lord. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Instruction is teaching. Children need guidance. They need to be taught. This is more than reciting the books of the Bible in order, it’s grasping what God wants from his people. It’s learning to be generous. It’s learning to be a servant. Kids who don’t get that become adults who don’t get that. Selfish and stingy comes from homes that promoted that. Start early. Work on these lessons often.
Did you notice that this passage is addressed to “fathers.” Not churches. Not even moms. Dad, this is your role. This is what being the head means. It’s not about barking orders but leading the home. It’s being the person that the rest can follow. This means you’ll miss some ball games on TV because you need to be doing things with the kids. It means that many of the movies you watch will be cartoons. It is reading books to them. It is telling them bedtime stories. It is showing them how to fix things. It is sitting with them during church services. It is letting them see you do things publicly in church. It is having families from church over in your home and seeing dad help get the place cleaned up. It is working with dad to help a neighbor. This is how the life lessons are learned. It’s not yelling at them when you are mad. It’s leading. It’s being the head.
Dad…what a wonderful title. What a powerful word. What an enormous responsibility. I have four people who look at me as dad (they call me “PJ” instead of dad—but that’s a long story and not for here). Dad is a word of relationship. It’s time to be dad, dads.
Roger