Jump Start # 925

Proverbs 10:7 “The memory of the righteous is blessed, but the name of the wicked will rot.”

Yesterday in our Jump Starts, I wrote about going to the funeral of a young 27 year old. It was a very emotional day. Lots of tears. Today, is a new day. I’m back home and have a long list of things that I need to get about doing. It’s a work day. It’s a school day. But for a family in Ohio, the day after the funeral can be just as difficult as the day OF the funeral. This is not just for them, but for all of us. I have been there. I expect most of you have been there. The emotion of the funeral often carries one through the immediate grief. There are flowers and cards and tons of people that come. There is food and emails and phone calls. It’s exhausting. It’s powerful to know that one is not alone. But after the funeral, most return to a normal life. For a family of a departed one, normal doesn’t exist anymore. There is someone missing. There is an empty chair at dinner. There is a empty room. There is a empty spot in the bed. This is when the grief really hits.

How does one continue on spiritually? Worship is different when you went as a family and someone is no longer there? It’s especially hard when the departed had a leading role, such as an elder or a preacher. There are constant reminders everywhere of what is missing in your life. There is a hole in your heart that nothing seems to fill.

Our verse helps. It states that the memory of the righteous is blessed. Grief is similar to surgery. At first, it just hurts. There is no short cut, detour ramp around that. It is a journey. For some it is longer than others. Even within the same family, the journey takes different lengths of time. Every holiday, birthday, anniversary, even songs on the radio bring back a torrent of sorrow and tears. It hurts, plain and simple. The first year is the hardest. There is a ache in your soul that just doesn’t seem to go away. A person wants to fast forward through all of that but you can’t. Understand that those who love you and are near to you feel very awkward. They don’t know if it is right to talk about the departed or not. If they do, you might cry. If they avoid the subject, it seems like they don’t care. Your transparency helps. Let them know that this is not a good time to talk about that. Or, I want to talk about the person. Your lead helps.

Know that God knows and God cares. Don’t let the mountain of grief keep you from the Lord or worship. Worship is hard, especially immediately after funerals. Everyone will ask “How are you doing?” What are you supposed to say? There seems to be more attention that you like. More hugs. More people hanging around. It’s uncomfortable. Folks are trying, be thankful for that.

Pray helps. No one understands more than God. This is the time for those closest prayers that Jesus talked about. You can just pray and pray to God. Remember in all of this, that you are talking to God. He doesn’t have to answer our “Why’s?” He doesn’t owe us an explanation. He doesn’t answer to us. He is God. You are talking to God.

The journey eventually moves past the hurting point to the memory stage. The memory of the righteous is blessed, that’s our verse. You start thinking and talking about the departed more easily. The tears are fewer. You start remembering things that you had forgotten about. The smile comes back. Laughter returns. Healing is taking place. Just like a surgery. It takes time.

This is the natural process. Some don’t make it there. Some never heal. The grief crushes them and destroys them. Without Christ, the winds, rain and floods collapses their house. They had no foundation, no faith, no hope beyond the visible. They are destroyed by grief. Paul talked about those who grieve without hope in 1 Thessalonians 4. The death of the righteous and the death of the wicked is different. The hope for the righteous and the hope for the wicked is different. The memory of the righteous and the memory of the wicked is different.

I have many friends who have had funerals this year. It’s been very hard on them. I wish there was a pill you could take that would get you through all of these things. There isn’t. I know these things because I have had funerals in my family.

I have found comfort in the expression from Ps 23:4, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for You are with me.” I walk through. This is a journey. The shepherd led the sheep through the valleys to the high country as summer began. They didn’t stay in the valley. The valley wasn’t the end of the journey. I walk through. I pass through. We shall pass through the land of grief. We are heading somewhere. Grief is not our destination.

The other expression from this verse that helps is knowing that YOU ARE WITH ME. I am not alone. No one else may fully understand. God does. No one else may be there. God is. No one else really comforts. God does. You are with me.

The tears will dry. Life will go on. God is your help in trouble. Make sure you are with God. No one will help like God.

I hope these words help those who are hurting today. I hope it helps to know that others care and are thinking about you. I hope it helps to know that others have been right where you are. I hope it helps to know that others have made it through grief and are better today.

It takes time…but God has all the time in the world, to help you and to be there for you.

Roger