Jump Start # 839

Proverbs 31:28 “Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praised her saying…”

The excellent wife is the theme of Proverbs 31. We often call this the virtuous woman. It is descriptive of a woman who walks with God and has her heart set on helping her husband and family. This woman exists. This is not a fictional “perfect woman” dream that some single guy thought up. These are the words of a mother to her son. This is the type of wife that mom wanted for her son. She wanted a woman that would love her son. She wanted a woman that he could trust and that they both honored God and each other.  Yes, this woman exists. She comes in all sizes and shapes and colors but she is remarkably the same on the inside. She is kind and sweet. She is thoughtful, helpful and spiritual. She is good to be around. She makes an impression about goodness that is infectious. What a wonderful wife. She is an excellent woman.

Our verse today shows how her children view her. The passage says, “Her children rise up and bless her”. That is a something to chew on for a while.

Children blessing their parents is rare. It is mostly, if not entirely, found in homes where the family is walking with God and worship is a regular part of their schedules. We should not read into this that mom made the kids bless and praise her. Anything that is forced, whether it is a “thank you,” or, “I love you,” or, “you’re great,” is not genuine or true if someone is compelled to say it. Many will give Mom a tip of their hat on Mother’s day, and that is almost a forced thing. What kind of person would not get their mom a card and a gift for mother’s day? Back when Proverbs 31 was written, there was no national “Mother’s Day,” on the calendar. The kids in Proverbs 31 praised their mother because they were thankful and had a heartfelt gratitude for who she was.

Honoring parents was part of the ten commandments. There are only two positive commands in that list. Honoring parents is one of them. Paul repeated that command to the Ephesians. Honor carries more to it than a card bought at a store once a year. It involves how we talk to them and how we talk about them. It involves our attitude toward them. Our passage uses the word, “bless.” Her children rise up and bless her.

I can remember many days when I complained or griped or rolled my eyes or mumbled under my breath to my mom. What this passage is showing is that this excellent woman has taught her children to recognize and appreciate goodness. She has shown them how to bless, beginning with God and then to her husband. Goodness has filled that home. I’m certain there were times where there had to be discipline, tears and serious talks. All homes have that. But her children grasped the idea that mom was their best help. She was there to protect them, guide them and mold them. Hours of singing, reading, and talking with her little ones have made their hearts realize what a blessing they had before them.

It seems to me that we often don’t see this or get this until we have gotten some age and maturity in us. When we are teenagers we seem to think we know everything about everything. How shallow we were. Our friends didn’t praise their parents. Our friends used derogatory words to refer to their parents. Like our friends, we fought the rules of our parents. We were pretty ugly during those years. Something then hits us. It may be finally getting some sense or having our own children. Those of us that grew up in godly homes now realize what a blessing that was. Certain words, friends and TV shows were off limits. We were accountable. They questioned us about who, where and what we were doing. Every Sunday we were off to the church building for worship. That was non negotiable. Our parents taught us, molded us and shaped us. And today, many of us are busy in the kingdom as elders, preachers and godly people. Had we been left to do as our friends back then, we would be a mess today. How many marriages would we have trashed by now? How many addictions would we have? How many run-ins with the law would we have had by now? Miserable, lost, and depressed describes most of the world today. We, however,  found Jesus. We learned about the Lord early. We learned about His ways from our parents and the church. We are blessed people today.

Her children rise up and bless her. She is deserving of these blessings. She is an excellent wife. She is a woman of character and virtue. She fears the Lord and walks with Him daily. His thumbprint is upon her heart. It is noticed. It is noticed by her husband. It is noticed by her children.

I’m not a huge fan of most reality TV shows. They exploit dysfunctional homes. Shouting, lack of respect, lack of godliness dominate many of those shows. They make brokenness seem good. It isn’t. It never will be.  We don’t need to fill our minds with what is wrong. We need examples of what is right. Her children bless her. That is the greatest joy for any mother. She is loved, wanted and appreciated. That makes her do even more, which in turn will bring more praise. The circle is endless.

My mother left this world 18 years ago. My father is in his high 80’s. Someone who hasn’t seen me in years and hadn’t heard me preach in years, sat in the audience recently. This person said to me as she left, “you look like your dad.” That made me smile. That was the best compliment of the day. We owe much to our parents. They are the ones who first connect us to Jesus.

Not everyone has a mother that can be praised. Some moms fumbled the ball a long time ago. They had issues and baggage that they carried with them all through their life. Home was miserable and broken. That is sad. You learn. You learn what not to do. You learn how to be better. You learn to make a positive impact in your family.

Bless the moms who are trying. Bless the moms who take time. Bless the moms who put family before self. Bless the moms who taught, showed and helped connect the family to Jesus. Bless them. We need more of them. Their kind is rare these days.

Roger

Jump Start # 838

Proverbs 31:11 “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.”

We continue our look this week at Proverbs 31, the virtuous woman. She is called an excellent wife. There are multiple reasons why she is called this. One of those reasons is found in our verse today, she is trustworthy.

The passage states it this way, “the heart of her husbands trusts in her…” That is interesting that it says, “the heart of her husband.” Deep inside, he trusts her. This is not a situation in which he verbally says he trusts her, but wonders about her on his insides. The expression implies that he really trusts her. He has no doubts about her. He feels this way because she has shown herself to be trustworthy.

Two thoughts here:

First, trust isn’t automatically given because someone gets married. Repeating vows to each other doesn’t insure or guarantee trust. Just because someone says, “trust me,” or, “believe in me,” or, “I’m telling you the truth,” doesn’t mean they are. Trust is earned. There is no other way to get trust. It is earned by keeping your word. It is earned by being dependable. It is earned by sticking with your promises. Once trust is broken, it is hard and often long, before it can be regained. The excellent wife was trustworthy. That is important. She was out doing things. She was buying fields, selling linens and planting vineyards. She was making important decisions. She was engaged in business. She was exchanging with the public. Some can’t trust their mate just to go to the mall.

Trust is the foundation of all relationships, but especially the family. When trust is gone, a person is suspicious of the other. They are checking on the other. They are watching the other. Teenagers that try to deceive their parents eventually get caught and the web of deception crashes in on them. They become grounded and restricted because they are not trusted. They tell their parents that they are going to house A but they end up at house B, C, and D. That was their plan all along. They thought they could get one by their parents. Those who are not trusted are watched closely. Our passage shows that she was trustworthy.

Second, there are many aspects to trust. This quality of the heart involves more than just being honest. Flirting eyes, questionable emails and secrets are indications that trust is falling apart. Why would someone do these things? They know they are wrong, so they try to hide them from their mate. At that moment, they have thrown out trust. They are being deceitful and dishonest. When discovered, tears, broken hearts and possibly a broken marriage will result.

Trustworthy. This means being honest. Honest with your words. Honest with the money. Honest about where you have been and what you have been doing. There are things a person can do to ensure the trust factor. If you are supposed to be home at a certain hour, but are delayed, call your mate and tell them why. Not finished at work…terrible traffic…stopped by a store…openness, communication are the keys to building trust. Never put yourself in a position that may damage trust or bring suspicion. A married man should not be alone with a woman he is not married to. If they must talk business, then do so with others around, with the office door open, in a public place and keep the business to business. Sharing personal and private things with the opposite sex are the first steps on a dangerous path that may crash a marriage. Be trustworthy. Share with your mate who you talked to. Let your mate know your passwords to your email accounts. No secrets.

When this chapter tells us that the excellent wife considers a field and purchases it, don’t you think she talked it over with her husband? This business of my money and her money goes out the window when the two became one. One bank account. Communication in finances is important or the budget gets wrecked. Look at congress. What a mess. The same is happening in many homes. Money woes is the number one cause for divorce today.

Why does our verse end with the expression, “he will have no lack of gain”? Could it be that the writer is considering the subject of finances. They are on the same page and are working together. He has gain because he trusts her. She is not running the family into bankruptcy. She is not out buying things without his knowledge.

When trust is lacking, jealously takes over. The jealous heart is a miserable heart.

We need to take the words of this passage to heart. We need to be trustworthy. Two people who get married because their hearts skip a beat when they are together, but don’t trust each other, will have a short time together.

Are you trustworthy at work? Most company theft comes from employees, not outsiders. Many companies have had to install cameras and security measures just to watch the workers. They are not trustworthy.

Are you trustworthy at home? How about at church? This means to be dependable. This means that others can count on you.

What an honor it is for others to trust you. It is a serious position to be in.

Roger

Jump Start # 837

Proverbs 31:15 “She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens.”

This week we are taking a look at Proverbs 31—the virtuous woman. This was a mother’s words to her son, describing an excellent wife. There are many noble qualities about this excellent woman.

Our verse today illustrates that she is busy. She is a hard worker. She is industrious. There are several expressions in this chapter that identify this:

• She looks for wool and flax (13)
• She works with her hands (13)
• She brings food from afar (14)
• She considers a field and buys it (16)
• She plants a vineyard (16)
• She rises while it is still dark and gives food to her household (15)

This woman is remarkable. She’s not lazy. She’s not complaining. Remember, the mother is speaking these words to her son, who happens to be a king. I would tend to think being married to a king would be luxury, servants, sleeping until noon and spending the day buying clothes. Maybe that’s how many queens were back in those days. Maybe mom is trying to tell her son something.

There is more than just not being lazy here. She is bringing something to the home and the relationship. This is not a one sided arrangement. She is not just taking and taking. She is doing her part. What she does involves helping others.

It is interesting that our verse ends by saying that this excellent wife gives food to her maidens. You’d think it would be the other way around. You’d think it was the maidens who brought food from afar, but it wasn’t. It was this excellent wife. You’d think the maidens would work with their hands, making things out of wool and flax. Yet, it’s the excellent wife who is doing these things. This woman isn’t idle nor tied to the home all day. She buys fields. She makes linens and sells them. She plants vineyards. She is smart. She is sharp. She is thinking. She is helping.

Two qualities jump out of these verses.

First, she is not lazy. She is not afraid of hard work. She is familiar with work. It says that she “works with her hands in delight.” The “in delight” expresses an attitude. Many can work, but they hate it, complain about it, and make everyone around them miserable because of it. This excellent woman was happy to work with her hands. Now there’s no magical switch that she flipped on once she got married. I expect she was this way from a young girl. Her parents taught her to be busy. They taught her to use her talents. They made sure a lazy bone wasn’t in her. I fear we’ve gotten away from that in our society. Many like to spend the day doing nothing. Worse than that, they can be clueless to the things around them that need to be done. They don’t see things to do, they don’t have the get-up and go to do things and so the ole’ lazy bone fills their day. Staying up late, not doing much other than watching TV, sleeping in late, and only doing what they feel like doing. You get two lazy people together and it spells disaster. Neither one will want to do anything. Laundry piles up. Dirty dishes stack up. Clutter and junk everywhere. I’ve been to many homes. I see this. Maybe it’s just me. I’m not wired that way. I see things and wonder, why don’t they pick that up. They knew company was coming, why didn’t they clean the place up. I’m not talking about older couples, but younger ones. Just too much lazy in them to suit me. It’s not just women, it’s the men, especially the men, that are guilty of this as well. There is a time and a place for TV, video games and movies, but there is also a time for planting the vineyard, making things with your hands and rising while it is still night, as the excellent woman did. Lazy men are often appointed to be shepherds in the church. Bad decision there! Lazy men makes lazy elders. If nothing is done at home, you can be certain that nothing is done with the church.

So, the old fashion way of doing chores is best. Assign the kids jobs to do and make sure that they do it right. Not everything is a paid job, either. When the kids say, “I’ll clean my room for $10,” as one of mine tried on me once, I responded by saying, “Sure, and I’ll charge you $20 for being your dad!” Not everything is done for money. Some things are done just because they have to be done. Not everything is fun. Taking out the trash isn’t the highlight of the week, but it must be done or the place starts to smell. Picking up, doing the dishes, knowing how to do laundry are things that all kids (boys included) need to know and do. The excellent wife was the way she was because she was taught that. We need to do the same today. When a busy person marries a lazy person, one feels like a slave. It isn’t a good relationship. When two lazy people marry, nothing gets done. That’s a disaster. However, when two busy people marry, look out. Things will happening there. God always chose busy people.

Second, she realizes that she can add to the journey of life. She’s not there just to take things. She contributes. She found her talents and used them. Buying the field, planting the vineyard, making and selling linens gave her a sense of accomplishment, success and it helped the family. She did her part. All of us are gifted and talented. God made us that way. It is a shame never to use those talents. It is a shame to use those talents only for self.

Finding what your good at is hard to do. It takes time. It takes trying things. Some things work, some don’t. Some you are good at, other things you are not. Some have that flair for art and are very creative. They can take the simplest things and turn them into the coolest things. Others could never do that in a thousand years. Some are fixers. Some are comforters. Some are leaders. Some are planners. Some work better alone. Others work better in a group. Some need direction. Others can see and will do it.

This excellent wife had talent. She could do things I can’t. I don’t know how to plant a vineyard. I can’t make linens. I certainly can’t cook. But so often that’s what we do. We recognize talent in others and quickly dismiss ourselves as that is something I could never do. So I can’t plant a vineyard. What can I do? I can’t cook. What can I do? What can you do? What can you do around the house? What can you do for the church? What can you do for others?

She found what she could do and was busy doing it. Excellent is what she was. This is just one of the reasons.

Roger