Jump Start # 754

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

Our passage today addresses how we deal with one another. Two different approaches. Two different attitudes. Two different results. The gentle answer is contrasted with the harsh word.  Turns away wrath is contrasted with stirs up anger. Implied is a peaceful outcome to a hostile outcome.

I was at a place to eat the other day. A man wanted a refill of sweet tea. He was told that they were currently out of tea. That wasn’t an acceptable answer to him. He then demanded to know when they were going to make more tea. It was near closing time, and he was told that no more would be brewed that day. His attitude started brewing. He wanted to know the managers name and declared that he would have a word with him. He wanted his tea. He didn’t get what he wanted so he was ready to give what no else wants—a hard time, a sorry attitude and a earful of ugly words, and a mean spirited and loud complaint. Over tea.

Two things came to my mind. First, the service in many places is not as good as it once was. People have to wait longer, the quality of service is subpar and the products often are inferior. That’s enough to boil some tea right there. Second, people seem to be more impatient these days. The unpleasant situation I witnessed the other day is becoming more and more common. People seem to be more demanding, more angry and not afraid to tell you if you are wrong. It even happens in church. Those in leadership roles often get an earful of complaints from those whose patience has run out and who feel that they know just exactly how things ought to be. I’ve been on the receiving end of those of those tirades before. Some have been deserved because I fumbled the ball, but some haven’t. One ugly complaint will trump ten nice compliments every time. A person will forget the compliments, but years later that ugly complaint still haunts the soul. The harsh answer damages some, forever. Many young preachers have quit because of the harsh complaints from folks who have a cruel heart and are clueless about how to talk to people. I’ve been on the edge more than once myself. I’m sensitive to the young preacher and will go out of my way to be a shield and protect him from “harsh” words that ought not to be said.

Why is it that we tend to be harsh instead of gentle? The default button for many people is harshness. The sweetest little grandmas and become little devils if you cross them. Why? This happens in many families. This happens among brethren. The work place is so unhealthy that the number one reason people leave jobs has nothing to do with money, but it has to do with the environment with co-workers. The back stabbing, gossipy, meanness literally steals sleep, appetites, and peace of mind. It seems that folks do not know how to disagree without being disagreeable. The threat of lawsuits, the fear of division, the uneasiness of how to be around some people makes people walk on eggshells and hide under the cover and pretense that everything is great when it is just the opposite.

The gentle answer has a lot to do these things. An atmosphere of open discussion with the intent of wanting the best for the other person is what is behind the gentle answer. The gentle  answer may not be the answer the other person wanted to hear. It may be an answer of correction or criticism, but delivered in a package of gentleness, it is well received. Attitudes and seeing the big picture is the key here.

Back to my story about the man not getting his tea. The poor cashier did all she could to calm him down. She offered him any other drink he wanted. Not good enough. He wanted tea. She apologized. Not good enough. He wanted tea. She again apologized. Not good enough. He wanted tea. I thought, I remember my kids acting that way. They were two years old at the time. This guy, in his 60’s, sure acted like he was two. His little fit caught the attention of several in the store. He didn’t get his tea, and more than that, he didn’t get any respect from the rest of us. Some were mumbling just loud enough to hear, “What a jerk,” or “that guy’s an idiot.” My thought was, “boy, that guy really needs Jesus.”

It is easy for us to become harsh when we see someone else being harsh. Someone having a “two-year-old’s fit” doesn’t justify us being harsh about them. I’ve done that.

All of this comes down to we have a choice—gentle or harsh. We have a choice, stopping a skirmish from starting or firing the first shells and engaging in a battle. Our choice. We leave impressions upon people that stay with them for a long, long time. Long after we have forgotten the incident, others haven’t. Some are ruined because of the battles fought in church or in home. Some grow up to become even harsher with others.

Seems like Jesus talked about turning cheeks and going second miles and such things. Remember? That’s the problem. When we don’t have our tea, we tend to forget Jesus and only think about “where’s my tea.”

Try to be gentle today. It’s hard. With some you really have to work at it. Once you’ve done it a few times, you’ll like what it does for you. This is not to say let people abuse you, walk over you, always have their way and take advantage of you. Absolutely not. There is an answer given. There is a stake in the ground. There is a definite. It is given though, with gentleness. Firm, but gentle. Absolute but kind. Confident but not cocky.

Oh, to be like Thee, blessed Redeemer…

Roger