Jump Start # 606

Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Yesterday we looked at the first part of this passage, the six negative actions and attitudes that Paul expected the brethren to put away from their hearts. These verses, as in many other places, remind us that it’s not enough to avoid the bad or even to remove the negatives from our lives if we do not replace them with what God wants. In classic Biblical language, we find here, “Be…” Be kind, be tender-hearted, be forgiving. Be. Be is much more than just doing, it is becoming what you are. It is embracing, accepting and changing. Peter used similar language when he said, “Be holy…” The state of “being” defines what you are. Be kind means become a kind person. Be tender-hearted, means become that way. This is not something that a person can put on and take off. Being kind is not something you try to be on Sunday, but Monday it’s back to “dog eat dog” corporate world where only the sharks survive. Be kind. You’ll also notice that Paul does not place a location on this. Be kind in church services…or be kind at home, but it’s ok to be “unkind” to promote yourself. No. Be kind. I’m not “being” kind, if there are areas of my life which I’m not kind.

Among these three positive statements, Paul is shaping the heart of a N.T. Christian. Each of these words are found first in Jesus. These words are often the hardest to apply to men. We like being tough, aggressive, manly, and busting the opponent in the chops. We like movies in which the good guys blasts the bad guy. Captain America, with his amazing shield, or Thor, with his mighty hammer—that’s the image we like. Kindness, tenderness and forgiving seems weak and not fitting for men. So, many of us skip these things. We justify it as “that’s not for us.” We walk through life, walking on others, beating our chests, being tough and leaving a path of wounded people, first in our families and then in the congregations we attend. We blast the sinner. We give it to the Christian who is weak. We let them have it with both barrels, thrusting verses and expectations at them to such an extent that they leave and never come back. We accept that. They didn’t have faith we say, but the reality is often that we were not kind, nor tender, nor forgiving to them.

Don’t call Jesus weak. He’s not the original wimpy kid. But He was kind, tender-hearted and forgiving. This is why people came to Him. This is why people followed Him. This is why people brought their questions, their sick and their problems to Him. Could it be that part of our problems with evangelism is that we’ve not shown kindness, tenderness or the willingness to forgive. These words of Paul are for all of us. They are for the athlete who wants to follow Jesus. They are for the hunter who wants to follow Jesus. No man is too tough that he cannot be tender, kind and forgiving.

Kindness—comes in many forms. It is listening. It is doing things for others. It is being helpful, thoughtful. Kind words. Kind acts. Kind hearts. Kindness is attractive. Kindness builds and not destroys.

Tender-hearted– tenderness. Sensitive. Caring. Being able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Feeling for others. Sympathy. Empathy. Weeping with those who weep. The opposite is heartless, cold, indifferent. It is a “who-cares” spirit. That kills a family. That wounds a church. We need tenderness to understand each other. We need it to help work through the messes that we get in. Tenderness comes with patience.

Forgiving—letting it go. Releasing. Second chances. Forgiving just as God has forgiven us. Wow! How many times has God forgive you? Ten times? A thousand times? Does God have a limit, like a medical cap, once you’ve reached that certain number, you are on your own? He doesn’t. He can forgive you a million times. Often, God forgives us for the same sin, over and over again. What about us? Just as God. A hundred times? A million times?

What is fascinating about these two verses, is that we are shown what happens when we forgive and when we do not. To forgive involves being kind and tender toward the offending party. When we don’t forgive, we become bitter, angry, and tend to slander and want malice toward the person who hurt us. Refusing to forgive hurts us more than it hurts the offender. It eats us up and tears us up on the inside. Let it go. Your forgiving doesn’t mean God has. The person has to make it right with God. But you can release the pain and the burden so you don’t have to be a mess on the inside.

So there it is before us. We chose. We can walk through life, bitter, angry or kind and tender. Don’t hang your hat on the fact that you’ve been a victim, you had terrible things happen to you—you choose. Are you going to be a bitter person or a kind person. Are you going to slander or are you going to forgive? Don’t talk about rights. I have a right to be this way because…No, you don’t. You decide whether you will be kind or bitter. If you choose to be angry and bitter there are consequences that come with that. First, a ton of people will not want to be around you. Your attitude will stink and you’ll be sour about life. Your spirit will have an affect upon your children. They’ll grow up thinking that’s normal and acceptable. It’s not, but you’ve painted that picture for them. Brethren will not want to be with you much because of your negative ways. Finally, God is not glorified nor pleased with you. His apostle said to put these things aside. You chose not to do that. You’ve disobeyed God.

Or, you can choose to walk through life being kind and tender-hearted. You’ll see sunshine where the other guy only sees gloom. You’ll add value and hope to the lives of others. Your spirit will attract and people will want to be around you. You’ll be an encouragement to others. Those who choose to be bitter won’t like you and you’ll bother them, but that won’t stop you. You’ll find that this is the way that Jesus walked. When you’ve been hurt, you’ll forgive. It will be hard, but you’ll find the strength to do it. In time, you’ll see that it takes more strength, courage and might to be kind, tender and forgiving, than it is to be bitter and angry. You’ll be an asset to any congregation. You’ll be the tower in the family. You’ll make people’s day because you are praying for them, thinking of them and simply acting like Jesus.

This is how God wants all of us to be. Many are. It’s been their nature for a long time. Others, really have to work at this. It’s hard for them. They’ve not seen this in the home. They don’t see this in the work place. They do see it in the Gospels, because that’s the way Jesus is.

Bitter or kind? Angry or tender-hearted? Slanderous or forgiving? It’s not really a choice to be made. God has already told us. If we are not tender, kind and forgiving, we are doing wrong. We are not like His Son and we best get about becoming that way or we will be in trouble. No excuses. No delays. It’s time to “be…”

Roger