Jump Start # 2492

Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

Christmas is getting close. Children are getting excited. Adults are burning the midnight candle to get everything ready. Some will be traveling. Some will be hosting. It’s a time of happiness, joy and fun. There will be presents to be opened, good food to be eaten and memories to be made. Homes are decorated. Cookies have been made. Hopefully shopping is nearly finished. The holiday season is great times, that is for most.

The holidays can also be very painful for some. It’s easy to overlook the heartache that some are going through. Suicides are higher around the holiday season than the rest of the year. And, even among the people of God, the holiday season can be a long struggle of tears and pain.

There are those who are going through their first holiday without a family member being with them. There has been a death. Now, a chair is empty. There are so many memories that the holidays just do not seem the same without this person. There is a sadness, even at this joyous season.

For others, there has been a divorce. The kids are visiting the “ex” on the holidays. Things just do not seem right, normal or fair. Holidays can be very lonely. All the movies surround family and doing things together. For some, they will be all alone during the holidays. There is no family or the family is estranged from each other. The season puts them in a bad mood. And, for those without a spiritual anchor, the holidays are an excuse to drink excessively.

Our passage connects us to one another in a congregation. There are those who are rejoicing. Don’t be jealous, rejoice with them. There are those who are weeping. Don’t ignore them. Be with them. Encourage them. Weep with them. It is very possible to have rejoicing and weeping going on at the same time. Some are happy. Some are miserable. Some have family all around them. Some are alone.

Some thoughts:

First, give thought to those who are going through their first holiday season after a death or a divorce. Drop them a card. Invite them over. Get them a gift. Let them know that they are not forgotten. This may be something that shepherds need to keep a keen eye on. There may be some folks who are hurting and could use some help, emotionally as well as spiritually.

Second, don’t add to your misery. There are things you can do to help you and there are things you can do to make yourself feel worse. Don’t isolate yourself from others. Get out to worship. You need this. You may have to force yourself to do things that you do not feel like doing, like being around others. But getting out of the house, being around others has a way of taking your mind off of your sorrow and it can actually lift your spirits.

Third, find a way to help others. If you are alone, don’t be alone. There are wonderful ways to help others who are less fortunate than you are. Helping others often helps us. Look around in your neighborhood, place of work, even within the congregation and find those you can do something for. Put your energies into serving others rather than feeling bad for yourself.

Fourth, realize that you are not really alone. God is with you. He has been with you through this whole year. Be thankful to God for what you have been able to enjoy and what the Lord has given you. Your faith will provide a strength that you didn’t even know that you have. It’s ok to laugh again. It’s ok to be with friends. Don’t feel like you must be miserable because of the circumstances.

Fifth, keep your eye open for those who are hurting. You understand more than anyone what they are going through. You know what works and what doesn’t work. You can be an example and a help for others. You might see someone sitting alone in worship. You can ask if you can join them. You can ask if they would like to go out to eat with you afterwards. Through your pain, you can help someone else. You can make the pathway easier for them.

Finally, remember the holidays pass. The wrapping paper will be thrown in the trash. The cookies will all be eaten. All the decorations will be put in boxes until next year. Children will be back to school. Adults will be back to work. Life tends to go on.

The holidays for those who are grieving, can be like a surgery. At first, it just hurts. You know in time it will be better, but there is no fast forwarding. It takes time. This time can bring you much closer to the Lord and others. Allow yourself to heal. In time, it won’t hurt as much. There are others who would love to help you, be with you and give you things. Allow them to do this. It’s good for them and it’s good for you.

We sing a song that asks, “Does Jesus care when I’ve said goodbye to the dearest on earth to me, and my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks, is it aught to Him? Does He see?” And, the chorus, answers the question. It loudly says, “O yes, He cares, I know He cares, His heart is touched with my grief. When the days are weary, the long night dreary, I know my Savior cares.” I know. I know my Savior cares!

And, so does God’s people. You’ll get though this, with the Lord’s help.

Roger

Jump Start # 2097

Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

This verse came to my mind yesterday. I received an email from someone very dear to me. Their email included pictures of the family taken on a trip. Everyone was smiling and happy. They were letting me know that they were having a great time and that all was well. The next email in my box was from another dear friend. He was telling me of a death in the family. I could almost feel the tears as he wrote to me. Later in the day, another email, from another friend. His wife was in the emergency room of the hospital. He wanted me to pray for her. Then before bed, another email. It was from someone in another state who wanted advice about a delicate situation going on in the congregation they attended. Then I Facetimed some of the grandkids. They were eating push-pops in the backyard and tried to give me a taste through the phone. Some day that will probably work.

Good news and bad news. Concerning times and carefree times. Laughter, smiles and tears—all in the same day. Vacation time for some, funeral time for others. Several thoughts come from days like this:

First, we do not all go through the same emotions or experiences at the same time. One family is on vacation and another family is saying goodbye to a loved one. It’s easy to think that everyone feels the same as I do. They don’t. Rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep may happen within the same day. Not everyone that walks into the church building is upbeat, excited and glad to be there. Some come with guilt. Some come with fear and worry. Some have questions. Some are not sure.

Second, our verse doesn’t tell us to change the feelings of others. We have no trouble rejoicing with those who rejoice. However, when it comes to the weeping part, we do all that we can to get them to stop that. Think about other things, we say. Count your blessings, we say. We like using cute little expressions such as, turn your lemons into lemonade. That makes us feel good, but it doesn’t help a family who is arranging a funeral. Paul tells us to weep with them. Don’t turn weeping into rejoicing. Don’t change the person. Join them in their sorrow. Comfort them. Be there for them.

Third, life is a mixture of emotions. I sure got that lesson from one days’ worth of emails. Up and down. Happy and sad. Good times and sad times. That’s the construction of life. There are mountain top moments and there are valleys. This is not only true of our emotions but also our journey with the Lord. There are times when we feel strong and confident. Worship is a joy and fellowship is powerful. Then there are times when we don’t feel like being around others. There are times we must make ourselves go to worship. There are times when the valley never seems to end. An old Bible expression is “It came to pass.” I tell people it comes to pass, it never comes to stay. But two powerful tools that helps us is our faith and prayer. In good times, it makes us count our blessings and be thankful. In terrible times, it makes us hold on to God’s hand and seek Him. Up and down, like that roller coaster, is life. The phone rings and it might bring good news or it may bring bad news. Jesus said that the rains descend and the floods come. Often they come quickly. Often they come at times that are not the best for us. We often think that life is a smooth canoe ride down a gentle river with bits of rough water here and there. But reality tells us that our journey is a white water excursion with moments of calm here and there.

Fourth, our verse, rejoicing and weeping, reminds us that we are in need of different things. Some need encouragement. Some need prayers. Some want celebration and some want to be alone. Underneath our verse also reminds us that our spiritual makeup and our spiritual health can help us or hurt us during these times. Some may go overboard with the celebrating in times of rejoicing. Others may give up when it comes to weeping. The stronger our faith, the more we will be able to journey through those periods as God wants us to. This is true of our worship. Some want to sing those old, slow songs. This is where there mind and spirit are. Others, want those peppy new songs. That’s where their spirit and mind are. Some want lite sermons about a happy text, others want to lower the net into something very heavy and hard. The weepers and the rejoicers, together in a worship. I preached recently in a meeting about troublesome times. The audience was full of people I knew. I had preached funerals for these people. I knew their stories. So, I started talking about death and what they had been through. At the end, everyone was crying. We were thinking about Heaven, our loved ones and the hope that is in Christ. I thought to myself, ‘great job, preacher. You got the entire place bawling.’ Sometimes you can’t avoid what needs to be talked about.

Fifth, the ability to rejoice with others and to weep with others often comes from our own experiences. We’ve been there. Got the T-shirt. We have had happy times. Rejoicing after baptisms. Sharing pictures of new grandchildren. Telling others about vacation travels. Fun times. Rejoice with those that rejoice. Let them tell their story. Let them brag about their family. Don’t try to out do their story. My vacation was better than that. My grandkids could do that years ago. Don’t go there. That’s not rejoicing with those who rejoice. You are stealing their moment and drawing the attention to you. It’s not about you.

But we have also been the ones who have cried. I remember, with tears running down my cheeks, praying from the pulpit for the Lord to take my mom. She was dying of cancer and it was time. The whole place was crying. I remember walking into the church building after a dear friend had passed away. He wasn’t there. It just didn’t seem the same. Use those experiences to help those who weep. Again, listen. Don’t make your sad story worse than theirs. Don’t do all the talking. Weep with them. Tears come when you care. Tears come when you have a heart. Tears come when you love.

What ties this passage all together is our fellowship. Having someone to rejoice with, and, having someone to weep with. How empty it is to have something exciting, but having no one to share it with. Or, how heartbreaking it is to be so sad and have no one to comfort you. Our fellowship is simply that, fellows in a ship. Together we experience the journey together. Good times. Bad times. Plain ole’ everyday times. Your words can help lift a heart. Your joy can help bring a sparkle to someone’s eyes.

Weeping and rejoicing. At the moment, you may not feel either, but you can share and help others. Together, with the Lord, we journey through life. You and me. We need each other. We are made for each other. Even though we may seem so different, we are really pretty much the same on the inside.

Be there for others.

Roger

Jump Start # 1164

Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

Along with most of the world, I was shocked and saddened to hear of the death of Robin Williams and even more that his death was from suicide. Such a wonderful talent and the best at what he did. Now behind the curtain we learn of long battles with depression and addictions. This allows us the opportunity to discuss some things that are behind our curtain. We too, can put on a good show and wear masks that hide deeper problems and cover some serious issues. Mental illness is something that has baffled me Biblically for years, and it still does. Aside from King Saul, who seemed to have lost his senses and his mind, while trying to kill David, the subject is not addressed in the Scriptures. Demon possession was not the same thing as mental illness. Demons were real spiritual creatures that were only cast out by a miraculous power. This is not the same thing. There is a hint that the apostle Paul suffered with depression. He wondered if his work with the Galatians was in “vain” or useless. He told the Corinthians that “his flesh had no rest,”  afflicted with conflicts without and fears within. The following verse tells us that God comforts the depressed and he comforted us by the sending of Titus (2 Cor 7:5-6). But this is about it. I know several that have different mental issues. I know preachers that fight depression. The suicide of Robin Williams makes us see how serious mental illness is. Someone who is successful, rich, and adorned by millions, still depressed, and still took his life.

Some thoughts for us:

1. Depression and mental illness is hard to understand, especially for those who do not have it. This is much deeper and much more serious than just “feeling the blues,” or, “being down” now and then. Depression is a deep and dark valley. It’s hard to understand. It’s hard to understand that some want to stay in bed all day, for several days. These things do not make sense to those who have never walked down that path. Our solutions are shallow and simplistic. Catchy phrases and cheap clichés are not helpful. “Turn your lemons to lemonade” may do wonders for you, it doesn’t help the person who is depressed. “Go to church,” seems logical to most of us, it doesn’t when one is depressed. I find it very difficult to know what to say, do and suggest when it comes to mental illness. It bothers me that too many, even in leadership roles in the church, do not take this seriously. Their insensitive and cold remarks only deepens and worsens the problem. Some feel unwelcomed and unwanted in congregations because of the remarks of others.

2. Mental illness is not just a faith issue. Too many who do not understand present it this way. This too only worsens matters. Now, not only does a person and the family have to deal with the depression, but they are looked upon as not being very spiritual. Now some thoughts here.

– some matters are faith connected. Fear, worry, doubt—those are lessened by a greater faith in God.

– there is a place for medication. Some mental issues are a result of chemical imbalances. We don’t have a problem taking medicine when we do not feel well physically, why should it be different mentally. Now, some in the mental health industry, pass out medicine like it was M & M’s. Pills are not the answer for all things. Pills may be necessary to calm nerves, allow some sleep, regulate moods—but pills will not solve problems. The issues that may drive a person to have troubles, will still be there, but now he may be able to face them.

– there is a place for trained help. Bootstrap psychologists, such as most preachers become, can quickly get over their heads and talk about things that they really do not understand when dealing with bipolar disorder and depression. Eating disorders, addictions and complicated mental issues are not quickly solved nor do they go away by simply reading a verse. Some of our preachers need to understand that. Patience, loving hearts and kindness must be the rule. Those that teach need to be kind and find clever ways of working with and encouraging, not discouraging those who because of mental illness want to answer every question, always raise their hands and talk out. Removing them from class is not the right approach.

– for those who do not walk down the dark valley of mental illness, it’s hard to understand why some need medication to get through the day. We don’t understand. So, be kind, as Jesus would.

3. Mental illness can take away the will to live. Suicide is hard to understand. Not wanting to live is hard to understand. Elijah wanted to die. He hid in a cave. He was not suicidal. He simply wanted God to do it. He was afraid of Jezebel. Jonah wanted to die. His reasons were different than Elijah. He was disgusted with Nineveh and didn’t want God to forgive them. He was not suicidal either. He wanted God to do it. Job’s wife told him to give up and die. Not sure what all she implied by that. He didn’t listen to her. Among us, in our congregations and in our families, may be those who do not wish to live. Their problems seem greater than they can deal with. Their problems seem greater than God. Hope is slipping away. Their dark doubts dominate them. It’s time to seek help, real help. It’s not a time for finger pointing or “I told you.” Take these things seriously and help others get help. I think some in our fellowship suffer alone because they fear being judged by others if they seek professional help. Shame on us for throwing stones. Life is precious and all avenues of help out to be sought out. There will be some among us who will have all the answers as to what Robin Williams should have done and where he made his mistakes, shame on them, they didn’t even know him. I’m sorry that it happened. It leaves his family with more questions and more guilt. All the tears in the world will not bring him back now. That is the danger of suicide. It’s a one way road. It’s permanent. It doesn’t solve the problems.

I hope those among us that are in leadership roles will take a moment and consider their approach to the depressed among them. Learn how to recognize it and consider what the Lord would want you to do.

Those of our readers who know what I am talking about, I am sorry. Why is it that some have this and others don’t? I have no answers for that. But as our verse teaches us, I can rejoice when you are rejoicing and I can weep when you are weeping.

May the Lord help you. May you continue to follow Him. Realize someday, you will be out of this valley when we are with the Lord. Our issues, problems and illnesses stay here, thankfully! May you not be ashamed to get help, real help. And when brethren say some insensitive things, just smile, if you can, and ask them to pray for you.

We shall see the King some day. For that, I am glad.

Roger

Jump Start # 828

Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

The section of Romans, where our verse is found today, is a setting of several short admonitions that the apostle wanted the brethren to do. Today, we’d call these “bullet points.” He doesn’t explain “why” they should do them, nor, the historical background behind them, not even the consequences if they fail to do them. He just lists them and expects them to do them. Some of the bullet points are internal and attitude things. Others reflect how one should treat others.

Our verse today comes from that list. Rejoicing and weeping reflect the two extremes of human emotions. Happy and sad. Of the two, we like rejoicing more than weeping. I’ve heard it sad that “crying does the body good.” Maybe. When I see someone crying, I want to know why they are crying and then I want to fix things so they can stop crying. A positive thought, a look at the big picture, a reminder of good  times, counting blessings—those are usually the things I turn to stop the tears. Our passage doesn’t say that, does it? It allows the weeping to continue. It invites others to weep with the one weeping. Some things can’t be fixed. Some things are not turned around because of a happy thought. It’s ok to weep.

There are some things to notice about this simple verse:

First, the emotions of others may not be my emotions. I may not have anything particular that leads me to rejoicing at the moment or weeping at the moment. Others may be experiencing things that I am not. The apostle wants us to connect with them. Join them and be a part of what they are going through. That’s not so easy, nor is it done very often. It’s easier to be jealous. Instead of joining in the rejoicing, some stay out and pout. The prodigal’s older brother did just that. He heard music and dancing in the house. He didn’t go in. He was angry and didn’t experience what those in the house were experiencing. Some can’t stand that others get good news and they didn’t. They want it all themselves. When they weep, they become bitter that others can go on rejoicing when they are crying.

Sometimes we just think too much of ourselves. This section of Romans addresses that and these verses are ways to move away from that. It’s ok that others find reasons to rejoice. I need to be glad for them and rejoice with them. Rejoicing brings smiles, happiness and occasions to thank God. Good things have happened. Weeping causes us to cling to the side of God. Broken hearts and crushed dreams and disappointments, whether a person is eight years old or eighty years old, are hard. We like to forget the weeping and remember the good times. The weeping moments tend to do more good for us than the rejoicing times.

Second, Jesus demonstrated this passage for us. When the seventy returned from the limited commission, they were very excited. They were amazed that even the demons were subject to them. They were pumped and thrilled. Jesus was happy for them. Then we go to the tomb of his friend Lazarus. We find Mary and Martha crying. Others were crying. He died four days earlier, yet the tears had not stopped. Jesus saw the broken hearts. He saw the weeping. Jesus wept. Those two words are the shortest verse in the English Bible. They express what the Romans were told to do, “weep with those who weep.”

Third, rejoicing and weeping with others shows that we feel for them. Insensitive hearts are not far from being cold hearts. The “with those” in our passage identifies the key connection here. Some are so aloof from others that they don’t know when they are rejoicing or weeping. Not only was there an awareness, but there was a sharing of the same emotion. Why weep with those weeping? Because one cares. No other reason is needed. The most insensitive thing to do is to rejoice and laugh in front of those who are weeping. That really hurts. Sometimes at the funeral home, a funny story about the deceased is relived, and a moment of smiles and joy returns. That’s good. But to ignore weeping because I don’t like to be sad, shows a disconnect with others.

There is a bond among brethren. The church is more than just a gathering of people interested in Jesus. I remember sitting in huge lecture halls in college. We all gathered for the common purpose of having to take that same class. We were fellow students. But there was no bond, fellowship, or connection. We gathered before class started and scattered when class was over. There was no mutual connection. We didn’t even know each other. That’s not the way a church family operates. There is a connection. There is a mutual togetherness. There is a sameness of emotion, intent and good.

Can you weep with others when they are weeping? It’s a good thing to do that. Can you rejoice with others when it is their turn to rejoice?  The kindness of others who love you can help you through the day and through this life. We need each other and this passage identifies one reason why.

Roger