Jump Start # 3542

Proverbs 31:10 “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”

Our verse today sets off the section that is commonly the virtuous woman. These are the words of a mother to her son. She is, as most mothers are, concerned about the type of woman that her son would marry. Among these beautiful words we find the godly character of compassion and service. Nothing is said about what she looks like, who her daddy is, or how much money she brings to the marriage. She is one who cares for her household, her servants and others. Kindness, optimism and faith run richly through those powerful descriptions.

It occurred to me a while back that while she may be virtuous, what about him? So often a person wants to find “a good catch” for marriage, while they have little to offer. In fact, they may be nothing more than a ugly ole’ worm that catches the attention of someone who is such a greater moral and spiritual fiber than they are. If there is a virtuous woman, then there ought to be a virtuous man. And, together, when those two get together, they make the virtuous couple.

In a wedding recently, I precented the concept of the virtuous couple, based upon Proverbs 31. Here is what it looks like:

An excellent couple who can find…

Their value to each other and to the kingdom is worth far more than jewels

Their hearts trust each other and there is no limit to the good that they can do

They labor with joy, and are they are generous, kind, and thoughtful to each other and to those around them

They are busy, engaged in the wellbeing of life…

Their faith in the Lord has clothed them in righteousness, dignity and honor

They are a delight to be around

They teach with kindness upon their lips

Together, they smile at the future, knowing that the Lord is with them

Many couples have done nobly, but you excel them all…

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

But a couple who fears the Lord, they shall be praised

When two righteous people build their lives on love, trust and the Lord, great things will happen. They will be an illustration for others to follow. They will be busy in the kingdom and the wellbeing of life. Moms and dads will point their growing children to look at such a couple and to model the goodness and faith that they manifest. This is as the Lord would have it to be.

For this to work, we must teach our young people to look beyond the exterior of a person. This Proverb states, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain”. One can put enough paint on a wall to cover up a crack, but the crack is there. And, we can cover up character flaws with makeup, expensive clothing, fine automobiles, and smiles. Selfishness is selfishness. And, it will manifest itself in a marriage very quickly. Short tempers, arrogance, shallow faith, immaturity rises quickly to the surface in a marriage.

I’m seeing a pattern among many young Christians that if you disagree with them, they will cut you off. This is not a Biblical stance, just an emotional and mental stance. If you do not agree, you are ignored, shunned and left behind. This spirit is hurting many families. This spirit is driving a wedge in some congregations. This has nothing to do with someone living immorally or ungodly. It’s nothing more than immaturity and the spirit that says, “I don’t like you.”

And, we must realize there is nothing noble or virtuous about that spirit. Such a heart would never go to the home of a tax collector as our Lord did. Such a heart would never be found in Samaria, as our Lord was. Surrounded by only those who agree with you is not a healthy place to be. Constantly being feed ‘you are great,’ doesn’t help one grow. One needs to listen to critics, even if they hurt. One needs to consider the wisdom of others, even if they do not agree. Fickle friends who only tell you want you want to hear are not really friends at all.

The virtuous have a heart that is like the Lord. What a blessing to find a virtuous couple.

Roger

Jump Start # 1216

Proverbs 31:10 “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”

A Note to our Jump Start Readers: This evening, my youngest child gets married. This is the last one in our family to get married. He has chosen a beautiful Christian to marry. They are very fun to watch, so good for each other and so committed to the Lord. This is a personal thought from a dad to his son, to my son, on his wedding day. I share this for all moms and dads out there.

Dear Joel,

This evening is your wedding day. Your mom and I are so very, very happy for you. You have chosen a special girl to marry. We love Katie and welcome her into our family. This is our fourth time going through this wedding thing. Your sister’s wedding was special because she was the only girl in the family. The other two boys each found wonderful and godly people to marry. I’m not sure what it is, but I’ve having a harder time letting you go than the other boys. I guess it may be because you have been around longer than they were but I think really, because for a long, long time you and I have done so much together. You were my regular golfing partner for years. When there was work to be done, it was you that I always depended upon. We’ve sat through countless movies together, gone shooting together, journeyed through the Walking Dead seasons together, and have just shared life. You have been a joy to me and I am very, very proud of you. I know you will always be there for me, but I also know that today, someone official takes my place, as it should be.  Katie will be the one that you now share life with and grow together with. This is as God intended it to be.

Jesus said a man must leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. The leaving part is what is tugging on my heart this day. A part of me never wants to let you go, but I must. I have been so blessed by the Lord with you. The memories could fill pages of books. We have laughed and enjoyed life in such a warm and special relationship. I treasure that you always invited me. You never felt funny to have dad around. I hope some day you may have a son that you can share that special bond together as we have.

Today is your wedding day. You and Katie happened to pick the same day that your mom and I got married on. That is so special to us. I pray that you both will grow closer to each other and that you two together will be the wonderful servant that you have been always these years. There are so many great things that the two of you can do together for the Lord. There are many, many people that you can encourage and bless as you already have.

You have always been the baby in the family, the last one. The last one to go to school. The last one to drive. The last one to graduate. And now, the last one to get married. But you have proven that you are not last, but a leader in so many ways. People look up to you. They honor your advice. You are a true friend to others. Cherish that. Use that wisely. God has blessed you, forgiven you and helped you. Always walk closely with the Lord.

You came into this world in a very unique fashion. I was honored to baptize you into Christ. It has thrilled my heart to see you leading God’s people in singing praises. You are gifted uniquely by the Lord. And now on this day, God has allowed me breath and life to see you promise your heart to the love of your life. Few things are more thrilling to a parent as these are.

Honor sweet Katie. Help her to grow in the Lord. Lead her to Heaven. She is giving you the most precious thing that she has and that is her heart. Be kind with it. Always make her feel glad that she married you. Together, honor the Lord in your relationship.

I hope your blessings to be many and your trials few.

God bless you both on this, your special day. Your wedding Day.

Thank you for being my more than just a son to me, but a friend.

I will always love you,

Dad.

Jump Start # 1205

Proverbs 31:10 “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”

  Our passage comes from that wonderful description of a worthy woman. This setting is often read at the funeral of a godly woman and is used as a powerful reminder of the goodness and kindness that one person can have upon another. Great stuff here. What is often forgotten is the setting for these words. The entire chapter are the words of a mom to her son. Her son, now the king, reflects upon these things. The setting also tells us that mom knew her son would be a king some day. Verse four reads, “It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine…” Mom must have known that someday her little boy would grow and lead the nation. These are her words to help him be a great king.

The woman that the king married would naturally become the queen. She would join him in banquets and attending state functions. Mom has some one special in mind. It was not a specific person, but a specific type of person. The worthy woman that she describes is thoughtful, caring, industrious, generous and hard working. She is not pampered, idle, nor only into what she wants. Most queens wouldn’t fit the mold that mom here decribes. Too many queens just sat around looking pretty. Some were wicked and behind the scenes ran the country, like Jezebel. The future queen that mom has in mind will be an asset to the king. He will be proud of her and praise her. She will set the tone for serving others.

This is the kind of woman that mom wanted her future king to marry. Nothing is said about her coming from the home of a king. Nothing said about her having royal blood, being rich, or beautiful. What mattered the most to mom was what was on the insides. The insides have a way of making the outsides beautiful. Without insides, nothing on the outsides really matter.

Good textual study. But there’s much more to this. Don’t leave your thoughts there. Put on the shoes of this mom. Have you given any thought about who you would want your children to marry? Not a specific person, but what kind of person. Not a generic answer like we’d give in a Bible class, “A Christian,” but detailed about her inner makeup and thinking. I tend to see a shift that has taken place in the past few generations regarding finding a mate. There was a time when parents were very involved in the actual selection of a specific person. Then the shift has gone the other way to parents have zero involvement. By the time your son or daughter is of age to get married, these thoughts and advice are a bit too late. The instructions to the king came much earlier in his life. He is reflecting and remembering what mom taught him.

What kind of wife for your son and what kind of husband for your daughter? If you could order one from the catalog, what would you be looking for? Do we fall for the externals only? Do we think, “Oh, he’s cute,” or, “She’ good looking,” and thereby impress upon our children that the outside of the package is all that matters. When you have a five-year-old, it’s hard to imagine their marriage. It’s hard to see them leaving the house. It will happen. It will happen more quickly than you expect. School, sports, activities and a whirlwind of events and before you know it, they are making plans to go off to college somewhere. Your children need your “oracle” about life and especially marriage, just as King Lemuel’s mother gave him one.

Treasuring the godly qualities of compassion, kindness, thoughtfulness and serving others should be the hallmark characteristics for a husband or a wife. Spending habits, spiritual interests, involved in helping others, hard working, well respected—those are the characteristics that will help in a marriage. Not someone who is so selfish that they are blind to the needs of others around them. Not someone who doesn’t care about others. Not someone who only cares about self. That’s the making of a miserable marriage that will be plagued with sorrow and pain. No, King Lemuel’s mom had something better in mind for her boy. She spoke. She taught him. He remembered.

Now is the time to start thinking about these things. Do it while they are young. Do it while they are still at home. Do it while you can.

In all this, it helps when a parent models the type of person that they want their child to marry. If you want them to marry someone who is kind, you be kind. If you want them to marry a spiritual leader, you be a spiritual leader. If you want them to marry someone who is a servant at heart, you be a servant at heart. Our words are shallow and empty when we tell them to do what we haven’t done. So, not only is a parent instructing their child about a future mate, they are modeling that image before their eyes. They see the type of person that they need to be and that they need to have for a lifelong companion.

In a couple of weeks we have another wedding in our family. It’s the last one. Our youngest is getting married. He’s found someone who is beautiful on the inside and out. They are a lot alike and they are very good with each other. Together they are pushing each other to higher levels. It’s great to see all of this.

Too many folks are falling for the glitz of marketing the outside of a package while there isn’t much on the inside. Hollywood has been doing that for generations. Shallow and selfish people spend fortunes too look glamorous while they are ugly on the inside. The Pharisees were like that. Jesus compared them to a dish that was washed on the outside but not the inside. He said that they were like a tomb in a cemetery. Beautiful white washed stones on top of the ground and rotten under the soil. It’s the insides that matter to God. What we think, our faith, our attitudes, our thoughtfulness– how we are around others. That’s what matters. Those are the very things that ought to shine the most.

Mom’s words to her son. Mom’s advice about the future queen. Good thoughts for us. Get busy with those kids and help them be what they should be. Only in fairy tales does kissing a frog turn one into a prince. In life, kissing a frog gives you warts on your lips!

Roger

Jump Start # 836

Proverbs 31:10 “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”

The other day I was looking for something in my files and came across something for dads. It’s entitled, “Top ways to intimidate your daughter’s date.” Here are a few of them:

1. Sprinkle some dust on your daughter before she leaves. Explain to him, “It makes fingerprinting easier.”

2. Answer the door wearing a police swat team uniform

3. Invite the local funeral director over to measure the young man.

4. Casually show him your collection of five shrunken heads. Then tell your daughter, “Number six is here!”

5. As they leave, speak into a walkie-talkie: “Male subject is wearing khakis and a blue polo shirt, driving a black Ford pickup.”

Most dads reading this probably like that list. We love our daughters and want to protect them. We want them to be treated honorably and righteously. When my daughter was away in college, I received a phone call from a young man that was dating her. He knew that I was a preacher and he had a Bible question he wanted to ask me. I told him certainly, but when you’re done I have a few questions for you. He hung up. My daughter wasn’t real happy, but I had fun with that.

Our passage begins a most noble section of Scripture that we call the virtuous woman. This week, I want to spend some time in our Jump Starts looking at this passage.

The context begins by explaining that these words were spoken to King Lemuel by his mother. There are several indications that she spoke these words knowing that he was going to be a king or even after he became a king. What we have is mom teaching her son, possibly even, grown son, about life and marriage.

Many congregations will have teenage classes about dating and most preachers will present lessons on those ideas. But what we have here is a mom involved in teaching her son. This is where it begins. This is most important. Don’t wait until they are in high school to have these discussions. Talk to them when they are young. Keep talking to them.

It is interesting to note what is missing in this description of the worthy woman. We are not told how old she is, the color of her eyes, her size, or any external features. The outside is important. If there is no attraction there probably won’t be a first date. The thrust of this chapter is upon the inside. What is she like on the inside? What is her heart like? What does she do? How does she treat others?

Far too many date by looks only and marry by looks only. The showroom may look good, but too often there is nothing in the warehouse. Someone (male or female) that looks great, but is selfish, shallow, materialistic, and spoiled will make life long and hard. It will wear upon you. It will grow old very, very fast. Crabby, nagging and mean take away all the beauty someone may have on the outside. It is important to find someone who is beautiful on the inside. Such a person is thoughtful, kind, complimentary, friendly, positive, spiritual and has a head on their shoulders. They think. They reason. They have insight.

I have always said, ‘who you date, is who you marry.’ If you date a frog, you’ll end up with a frog. Frogs do not become princes. They remain frogs. Creepy, dirty, smelly, and croaky. That’s a frog. If you want a prince, date a prince. But understand, that prince isn’t looking for a frog.

As important as finding the right person, being the right person yourself, is just as valuable.  If you are looking for someone to be kind, you be kind. If you are looking for someone who is thoughtful of others, you be that way yourself.

The most important thing to consider is, can this person help me get to Heaven? Will he or she be an encouragement to me when I am discouraged? Will they keep me on course when I want to wiggle off? Will they be quick to turn to the Bible for help? Will prayers be a regular and normal part of our home? Will worship be something that we do together and often? Will we talk about spiritual things? Will he or she be forgiving when I mess up? Will he or she be eager to have others from the church in our home? Will he or she be active with the church? Will he or she stay with what God says, even during the valleys of our lives? Will he or she be trustworthy with their word, money and promises? Will this person make a great mom or dad? Will God be glorified through our relationship together?

What you see in dating is what you get in marriage. Don’t marry potential, promises or hopes. If he is not interested in your God now, while you are dating, don’t think he will be later after you are married. If he promises to come to church with you after you are married, why won’t he come while you are dating? What you see is what you get. If he talks ugly about his parents, he will probably talk ugly about you after you are married. If he is careless with rules while dating, he will probably be careless with rules after you are married. If he is sloppy now, he’ll be sloppy later. If he says bad words now, he’ll say bad words later. If he puts you down around his friends now, he will do that later. If he puts his friends before you now, he’ll do that later. Do you see this? He may make all kinds of promises, but if he can’t deliver while you are dating, what makes you think he will after you are married? Take off the rose colored glasses. You may be dreaming of a prince when you are actually with a frog. Don’t settle for that. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will help you get to Heaven.

Marriage is not about finding someone who makes me happy. It is not about someone who makes me laugh. It is more than making someone else happy. Some days are not happy days. The purpose is to glorify God. He is more interested in our holiness than our happiness. A person may be happy without being holy. Being holy, will make you happy, because you are doing right.

Could it be our verse, “An excellent wife, who can find?” is asked because no one is looking? Maybe no one is looking for an excellent wife. They want a pretty wife. A rich wife. A wife that lets him run like he is still single. An excellent wife…an excellent husband.

They are out there. I know hundreds of them. They all have something in common, Jesus. They love Him. Worship Him. Follow Him. And want to spend forever with Him. That is what makes them “excellent.”

Roger