Jump Start # 3325

Proverbs 31:1 “The words of King Lemuel, the oracle which his mother taught him.”

Sunday is Mother’s Day. The day will be filled with a sweet thank you for all that our moms do. The restaurants will be filled. Cards will be given. Eight year old Billy gave his mother a box of chocolates. He proudly said, “It’s real good. I know because I already ate three pieces.” In another home, a brother and sister presented their mom with a house plant. The older said with a sad face, “There was a wonderful bouquet that we wanted to get you but we couldn’t afford it. It had a nice ribbon that said, ‘Rest in Peace.’ We thought you’d like that because you are always wanting some peace and rest.

Our verse today, leads into the section that we commonly know as ‘The virtuous woman.’ But it begins with an oracle that the king learned from his mother. Moms teach. A Spanish proverbs states, “an ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.’

Notice three things that flow from Proverbs 31:

First, Moms warn. That’s moms job and duty. It is driven out of love. The house may be clean, but if the hearts of the children are not, mom has missed her most important function. Raising children to be decent, hard working and loving the Lord changes the future and puts things in the right order.

In Proverbs 31, there are two warnings. First, about relationships (3). The influences of others can cause one to compromise their convictions and sell out what they believe in. Second, there is a warning about alcohol(4-5). “It is not for kings to drink wine,” the text says. Sober in mind, sober in heart and sober in conviction, is what this mom understood. A drunken fool will be taken advantage of. Alcohol changes a person and it’s not for the better. It affects our thinking, our judgment and our decisions. The mom of Proverbs 31 warned, “it is not for kings to drink wine.” I wonder how many moms are saying that today?

We need moms warning today. Social media, amount of time on video games, and friends ought to be on top of the list that moms warn about. If faith isn’t working at home, it’s not working anywhere. Who was there to tell the three Jewish boys in Daniel three not to bow down to Babylon’s idol? Who was there to tell Joseph not to fall into the temptation of his boss’ wife? They had no one. They had learned. They had developed their own faith. They had convictions upon which they would stand. Much of this points back to a mother and father who were on the same page spiritually and who invested in the spiritual lives of their children.

There are days Mom when you must be the bad guy. You may not be your child’s best friend. Best friends just want to have fun. Best friends often look the other way. You are the parent. You must establish boundaries, rules and expectations. And, mom, you must back up these things. Don’t cut corners because they whine, cry or are unhappy. You don’t do them any long term favors when your words don’t mean anything.

Second, Moms volunteers you (vs. 8-9). The mom in Proverbs 31 expected her son, the king, to “fight for the rights of the unfortunate” and “defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.” Twice the text says, “Open your mouth.” Speak up. Stand up. The king would be in the position to do something and mom was saying, “Do it well and do it right.” “Don’t forget about the little guy.” Laziness, selfishness, indifference are the death to a society, a church and a family. The story of the rich man and Lazarus reminds us of this. The rich man isn’t painted as an evil or wicked man. Nothing indicates that he was dishonest. But when it came to helping someone who was ill and laying at his gate, he did nothing.

Mom, get the kids busy doing things for others. Get them making home made get well cards and cards of encouragement to send to others. Take them to someone’s home and let them help out. In our selfish times, it is important to show them how to put others first and to be servants of heart. They won’t learn that from social media.

Third, Moms want the best (vs 10-31). This is where the image of the virtuous woman is found. Mom was instructing her son, the king, on what type of wife to marry. She would be much more than the queen. She would be a partner in his life. Nothing is said about her schooling, what she looks like, or how rich her daddy is. The emphasis is upon her character. She is a type of person that would help, not hurt. She is the type of person that is not going to embarrass nor hinder her husband. She will be a benefit, not a liability. Mom was wanting a wife that would be good for her son. Mom knew. Mom knew what marriage does to a person. Mom knew how important it is to be on the same page spiritually.

It wearies me hearing God’s people describing future daughters-in-law or sons-in-law, as “good people,” when there is not any spiritual interest in them and in time they influence their mates to become weaker spiritually. Such is not a good person. A good person will admire, respect and honor the faith of another. Having a blast here, but losing your soul is not what any parent would want.

King Lemuel remembered the oracle of his mother. Maybe it’s about time that mothers in the kingdom started sharing their oracles with their sons and daughters.

What a blessing it is to be a mother. Do it well! What an advantage it is to have a godly mother. Honor her. Praise her. Thank her. Learn from her.

King Lemuel remembered. He remember what mom said.

Roger

Jump Start # 1848

Proverbs 31:1 “The words of King Lemuel, the oracle which his mother taught him.”

Sunday is Mother’s Day. People are busy buying cards, ordering flowers and getting things ready for Mom’s special day. Moms come in all sizes and in all kinds. There are good moms and not so good moms. There are birth moms, adoptive moms, step-moms and even grand-moms, that we call grandma. Many of us preachers will be working up lessons about moms, home and family for Sunday. We need those reminders.

Our verse today is one such reminder. We remember Proverbs 31 as the chapter about the worthy or virtuous woman. There we find the great qualities and characteristics of a woman who is devoted to her family and her God. What is often forgotten in all of this is our verse today. It sets the tone. King Lemuel was recalling the words which is mother taught him. Proverbs 31 is a mom instructing her son. Proverbs 31 could well be titled, “Mom Said.”

There are three main things that this mom said to her son.

First, she warned him. Moms do that. They warn us about what we eat, how we drive and staying up too late. Lemuel’s mom had two warnings:

(a) about relationships (3). Kings need to know this. Our sons need to know this. Our daughters need to know this. Our relationships can strengthen us or they can lead us into trouble. Kids tend to look only at the exterior. Moms look under the hood. They know about attitudes, character and behavior. Many of us messed up because of our friends. It was our friends who offered us alcohol, drugs or dared us to do something foolish or illegal. Moms know about that. This mom was warning her son. Today’s moms need to do the same. Yes, you’ll preach to your kids. Yes, you’ll harp on things. Yes, you’ll nag them. They will push back, but you keep pushing hard. Why? Because you love them. Because you know.

(b) about alcohol (4-5). This mom warned her son about drinking. Alcohol changes a person, and it’s not for the good. There is a penalty and a price that comes with drinking and often it harms the body and the soul. Mom knew that. This was one king which wasn’t going to drink. Mom had warned. We need to be telling our kids this today. College campuses are producing future drunks and alcoholics. It’s bad. Without guidance, naïve kids stumble and fall and the cost is that many give up on God.

Second, she pushed him to help others (8-9). Moms do that. They volunteer us. A neighbor could use some help and mom sends us. A work day is planned down at the church house and mom thinks we should go. Moms are good at that. Here, Lemuel’s mom wanted him to use his position to help others. Twice the expression, “Open your mouth” is used. Help the little guy. Do what is right. Get off the sidelines and make a difference. Laziness and selfishness are not the characteristics of God’s people. Many of us are driven because that’s the way mom was. Don’t use your position to walk on others, ignore others or be full of yourself. That’s the way most kings are. This mom was building a son who would be different. He would have a heart of kindness. His reign would not be by power and force but rather by leadership. If Lemuel listened to his mom, he would have been a unique and special king. He would have stood alone in history. Use your position to help others. Use your voice to help others. Don’t go along with the status quo, do what is right!

Third, mom wants the best (10-31). Here is where we find the virtuous woman. Mom is showing her son that this is the kind of person you need to marry. A person that will help, not hurt. A person that is not going to embarrass or hinder you. A person that will not be a liability. A person that you can trust, turn to and have confidence in. She would not be a princess but a queen. Yet, her character is one of kindness, hard working and helping others. She would be a match for the way the king is. She would not spend her days trying on outfits, pampering herself, and being a “princess.” She’d be busy helping others. Nothing is said about what this woman looks like. Nothing is said about what her daddy does nor how much money they have. Mom was wanting her son to marry well.

If you could pick out a mate for your child, who would it be? Not a specific person, but what kind of person? What qualities? If you could build a husband for your daughter or a wife for your son, what would you build? Daughters need to marry men who will lead and not be lazy. Daughters need to marry men who know how to get to Heaven. Sons need to marry women who are interested in Heaven, helping others and making a difference. Those who want to open up their home and share with others. Generous. Kind. Helpful. Those that impact a congregation. Those that leave footprints to Heaven. If that is what you want your kids to marry, have you talked to them about that? Have you influenced them? This doesn’t happen after they are engaged. It’s too late. I’ve met too many people that have said about their own kids, “I don’t know why they picked that one.” Why didn’t you have this conversation when they first started dating? These lessons need to begin before the child is old enough to date. Who you date is who you marry. Frogs do not become princes. Frogs give warts. And as you are having this discussion, remind them that they must put something on the plate as well. Our sons and our daughters need to step up and be the people that they should be. Did you notice the way this chapter in Proverbs unfolds before us. Mom tells her son about who he needs to be first. Then she talks about who he needs to find to marry. We forget the first part. We believe our little angels are perfect. Not so. How engaged spiritually are your kids? Do they sit like lumps on a log during worship? Do they ever talk about spiritual things outside of their Bible classes? Are they interested in the people and what is going on at church? Maybe it’s time we poured more attention into who our sons and daughters are becoming. Marrying a dead beat Christian isn’t much better than marrying someone who isn’t a Christian. And all of this comes back to us. How are we doing spiritually? The qualities that Lemuel’s mom was stressing with her son most likely were qualities that she was living herself.

Nothing rips the heart out of a parent than to see their children divorce. There is a pain that just won’t go away. It’s messy, complicated and never easy. When grandkids are involved it becomes more difficult. Divorce effects grandparents. It changes things. It’s ugly and it leaves a lot of scars. This was a mom who was wanting the best for her son.

What is interesting about our verse is that it begins, “The words of King Lemuel…” The king was repeating, remembering and reciting what mom had said years ago. Mom’s words stayed with him. They stuck with him. They found a place in his heart. He remembered. We are not told if Lemuel’s mother was still alive or not when he recited these words. Even if she was no longer living, her words were.

Decades from now, after many of us are gone, our kids and our grandkids may remember and even recite our words. Are you leaving them good oracles as Lemuel’s mother did? Are we telling them things that will make a difference and help them? Are we leaving footprints that lead to Heaven?

Mom said—that’s Proverbs 31.

Roger

Jump Start # 1095

Proverbs 31:1 “The words of King Lemuel, the oracle which his mother taught him…”

Yesterday we looked at what King Lemuel’s mother advised him about finding an excellent wife. Mom wanted her son to find someone that would help him, that he could trust, a person of quality and character. Few things in life bring more misery than being stuck in a terrible marriage. Things can stink at work, but home can be a refuge, if things are the way God wants them to be. The same is true with things down at the church house. Home can be a relief from tension, problems and a source of love and peace. That is, when home is as it ought to be. When it’s not, there doesn’t seem to be any relief, any where. It seems that some don’t do well with the “picking” process. They marry trouble and have trouble the entire time the relationship lasts. Most often, that marriage ends ugly. Then the person turns around and picks another person who has just as much baggage, conflicts and struggles as the first one. This cycle repeats itself over and over.

One of the roles of parents is to help their children find quality people to date and marry. Quality, meaning the inside. Quality meaning character. Quality meaning someone who is responsible, thoughtful, honest, and spiritual. These discussions do not start when your teenager is heading out the door for a date. It must start long before that. The type of friends that they choose is a starting place. Later, instructions about the value of spiritual things is important. The man is supposed to be the spiritual leader in the home. Some guys are not leaders at all, let alone spiritually. Some do not have their spiritual radar even turned on. Such a guy may be kind, sweet and makes a person feel special, but where this will lead to, unless he becomes interested spiritually, is you getting the kids ready for church and he stays home in bed. That gets old fast.

There have been many who have been converted by their spouse. It started with showing some interests in God. The dating process ought to be an eye opener. You are seeing what the person is like. Far too many marry what they hope will happen instead of what is reality. They marry, hoping he’ll stop his drinking. They marry, with the hope that he will start going to church services with her. He doesn’t while they date. She hopes he will once they marry. Probably won’t. Dating is showing the best behavior. What you see is what you get. Don’t marry an expectation, a promise, or a hope. Marry what you see. If he won’t go to church now, while dating, why will he once he’s married? Red flags need to be flying about this.

But along before a person gets to that point, mom and dad should have been talking about the value of marrying a spiritual giant who will help you get to Heaven. That’s one of the roles of the husband. The head doesn’t mean he gets first dibs on the remote, nor that he gets to bark orders and the rest of the family runs to serve him. Head means direction. Our bodies do not do anything without our head telling it to. Head of the house is about direction, leadership and involvement. God is interested in the spiritual wellbeing of the family. God wants us to be living towards His glory and honor. God wants us involved in His kingdom and living according to His word. Home leadership means seeing that the family is moving that direction. Honesty, values, kindness, prayers, and moving toward righteous living is what this involves. Home leadership means taking a tough stance. Certain movies are off limits. Certain friends are off limits. Dad’s job is to see that the girls are modest, even if they are in a wedding or going to the prom. The family sails under the flag of Christ. That’s what the head of the house means. We certainly miss that too often. Dad has the veto on things because his concern is spiritual. Now, what happens when dad has zero spiritual interest? What happens when dad isn’t walking with Christ? Will he care what shows, what friends, what clothing the family is involved in? He may spend family time glued to the TV, zoned out to what is happening in the family and the bulk of moral training falls to mom. There are many absentee fathers who happen to live in the same house with the rest of the family but they don’t want to be bothered, they don’t want any hassles, they don’t want to have their shows interrupted. They are out of touch and so busy being selfish that the family is floundering with no one at the helm. I see such moms. They are tired and stretched thin. They want help from their husbands but can’t get it. These men are not interested in character, moral training or God. The family is dying spiritually. Far too many times I have been told, ‘I love him, but…” Some how they didn’t see this in dating. Some how they missed something. People change. Some who were not interested, become interested. Others, who seem to have it all together, fall off the map. Those things happen. But what about a person who in the dating process shows no interests or love for the Lord? Why continue with such a person? Their lack of concern spiritually, means that they will not care what God says about divorce. They will not step up to do what they ought to as a husband and leader. Such a relationship is inviting years of heartache.

This is why parents must be involved in helping the kids to see the value of who to pick for friends, who to date, and later, who to marry. For years, it was preached, marry a Christian. Many did. Many thought that was all that was necessary. They found out that the person they married wasn’t interested in church, God or such things. They came, filled a pew and that was about it. They never got involved. They showed no interest. They were a Christian, but barely. Look at how a person worships. Do they love the Lord and talk about spiritual things outside the church building? Do they have a concept of what God wants? Are they interested in the congregation and the people? Do they volunteer to help out where they can? Those are signs. They are the beginning things to look for.

The red flags that ought to cause a person to slow down, reconsider and think things out, must happen before rings are purchased and a wedding is being planned. By then, the heart no longer listens to the head. They are emotionally engaged and nothing will turn them. Again, this is why parents must be on top of things and teaching their kids what to do long before the dating gets too serious.

Parenting isn’t for cowards. It doesn’t stop once the kids can dress themselves. Some of the hardest lessons involve finance, dating and marriage. It helps the kids to see a living example of what is right, good and wholesome at home. Kids that witness dysfunctional marriages see that as the example. They find dysfunctional people to marry and the dysfunctional patterns are repeated generation after generation.

The oracle of King Lemuel’s mother was given to him long before he found his wife. She was guiding him. She was teaching him. It stuck. He remembered. He repeated this oracle from mom. This is what mom taught. Mom was wanting someone of quality for her son.

Time to get busy parents. Are your kids dating? Get talking. Are they too young to date. Great! Get talking. Remind them. Teach them. Show them. Help them. Answer their tough questions. What kind of person would you pick out for your child’s life long mate? Work that direction. That’s your goal.

Roger