Jump Start # 2283

Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person.”

Sunday night I led a discussion in our teen devo. We have around twenty or more teenagers that were there. They are a lively bunch and a great group of kids. We were talking about things that bother us. I had a sheet for them to fill out that I called “The bothered factor.” I asked some questions about what bothered them and from that we talked about what we ought to do when we are bothered.

The first question on their sheet was to list the top three things that bother you at school. I was expecting answers like, homework or the food is terrible. Some listed a teacher or two who was hard. Some mentioned being picked on by others. But overall, nearly every one of the teens listed on their sheet cussing and profanity from other kids at school. It was nearly 100%.

This is becoming a regular problem in the media. Some entertainer lashes out a profanity filled explosion at her audience. Some politician unloads an angry tirade that is laced with profanity. Some sports figure can’t get through an interview without using profanity. It’s in the movies. It’s in modern music. It’s trickling in TV commercials. It’s everywhere.

I suppose people think that profanity and cursing gives more punch to their words. Often, a person is angry and that’s the default words they turn to when they are upset. We’ve become a cursing society. But it bothers me that young teens are experiencing it already in their lives.

Our verse is directed towards God’s people. Our speech must be with grace. It must be seasoned. We must think first and then speak. We cannot allow anger to choose our words for us. And with all of this cursing going on around us, our homes must become safe havens where the world is kept outside.

Parents must help their kids to express themselves with choice words that honor God, even when upset, disappointed or angry. It is so easy to borrow what we hear all the time from others. It’s easy to allow those foul words to become our words. In the moment of a crisis or a meltdown, our words can reveal much about our character and our heart. All the good that we try to do for others can be lost in a moment because we exploded with words that reflect the world rather than Christ.

What do we do? If kids are cussing at school, what are they doing outside of school? Where are they getting these words? How are they getting by using these words? Most likely it started at home and in an environment of little rules and no discipline, those behaviors only grow. Watching shows without restrictions will only feed more into young and impressionable minds. Not having a steady diet of God and His holiness in your life will only give a green light to cursing. Parents curse. Teachers curse. They curse of TV. They curse in the movies. No one is apologizing. No one is putting a stop to it. No one has a guard or a filter on their mouth. And, in such environments, it shouldn’t shock us that there is so much cursing going on at school.

I am thankful that all of our teens listed cursing as one of the top three things that bothered them at school. It bothers them. They are sensitive to it. They recognize that it’s not right. Thank you to their moms and dads who create a different atmosphere at home. Thank you to these sensitive hearts that love the Lord and see the difference and understand that the culture of cussing is not right, nor Biblical.

On the way home from the devo I thought of a guy a while back who I was trying to have a Bible study with. He was rough. His language was rough. About every fifth word that came out was a curse word. He’d say it, then he’d apologize. It got to the point where he was apologizing more than he was talking. I told him to apologize to God. I told him to take a time out. I asked him not to say anything. Just listen. I told him to think real hard. Then I asked him to tell me his story. Tell it to me slowly, real slowly, and don’t use any bad words. That didn’t work. He couldn’t do it. Profanity was so deep into his fiber that even when he tried not to, he still did.

Can a person ever stop cussing? Yes. Our words are our choices. It begins by thinking first. It changes when we try to speak with words that honor Christ. It changes when we enhance our vocabulary. It changes when we change our environment and we put some distance between us and other cussers. I’ve known folks who made that change. With the help of God and determination it can happen.

Our words are windows to our soul. What we talk about and how we say things, allows others to see what is really important to us. Be slow to speak as James puts it really helps. Catch yourself before the words come out. Change them and things will be better. Keep doing that and before long, those wrong words won’t even be the first things that come to your minds.

I am glad that our homes and our congregations can be places where the wrong words are rare and when they are spoken, forgiveness, correction and change follows rather than laughter and applause.

It doesn’t take long for people to notice that you talk differently. Keep it up. Your influence in your words may be the starting point of helping others.

Roger

Jump Start # 1701

Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”

  It is hard to find the words to describe this year’s Presidential campaign. One candidate has been recorded making lewd and vulgar remarks several years ago. The other candidate is accused of dishonesty and consistently lying. Someone asked me Sunday, “Who should I vote for?” What is taking place reminds me of the game limbo, “How low can you go?” With just a few weeks left, we can only assume it will get nastier and meaner until this thing is over. It’s shameful.

Through all of this, it reminds the people of God how we need to act and talk towards others. Our verse is a classic reminder of what God wants from His people. Paul began this thought by stating, “Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.” Outsiders means outside of Christ. Behave yourself when around nonChristians. There is an opportunity every time you are with those who are not Christians. Then our verse today, “let your speech be with grace…so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” Others are watching. What you do, what you say, how you conduct yourself can open doors or they can close doors and even lock them for good when it comes to trying to influence others to Christ. Each day, each conversation, allows you to build a bridge toward Christ for those who are “outsiders.”

So here are some things to remember:

1. What you do with others is a journey of many steps. Rarely will it be one all important conversation that wins them over to Christ. Most often, it’s a thought here, it’s a conversation there. Groundwork is laid. It takes time to put all of this together and in the process, they are watching you. They are seeing how Christ works in you. They watch you in good days and they see you when you have bad days. They notice how you  handle stress. They see you when you are upset. They hear what you talk about. They hear and see what is valuable in your life. All of these things are steps and you have to keep that in mind.

2. Outsiders will remember when you didn’t act very Christ-like. If you have a melt down, if you say things you shouldn’t say, if you seem to demand your way, if you are obsessed with materialism, they will notice. They will notice whether what you say and what you are doing match. It’s easy to talk a great game, but do you live up to it? Outsiders will remember.

This then reminds us that if we have said things that were wrong, apologize. Don’t wait for someone to call you out on this, quickly apologize. I don’t buy into this “locker room” talk or “boys will be boys” mentality. First and foremost, God hears what you say. The Ephesians were told, “there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting.” It doesn’t matter if you are with the “boys.”  Later in Ephesians, we find, “Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness…for it is disgraceful even to speak of these things which are done by them in private.” Don’t even mention these things. There are some things that should not be said.

3. Our words must be seasoned with grace. That seems to be an odd word to be used here, grace. We tend to think of grace only in terms of salvation. We are saved by grace through faith. Grace is God’s gift to us. Grace involves pardon and leads to a wonderful relationship with God. We are not good enough nor can we do enough to gain God’s favor. Grace is what the prodigal received when he returned home. But this is not the extent of grace. Our words must be with grace. What does that mean?

We need to speak with kindness. The tone of your voice can be inviting or intimidating.

We need to speak with helpfulness.

We need to speak with thankfulness.

We need to speak with godliness.

We need to speak as the oracles of God.

We need to speak as we would want one to speak to us.

We need to speak with love.

What does this sound like, to speak with grace? You will not always talk about yourself. For some, this is nearly impossible. They must always be talking about themselves. They love to talk about themselves. Speaking with grace will invite the “outsider” to talk about himself and tell his story. You listen. You learn. You engage.

Talking with grace means you realize when to correct and when to keep quiet. Some interrupt every time they hear a mistake. Wrong word. Wrong use of a passage. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. The “outsider” feels like he is sitting in an English class and you are teacher. It won’t take much of that before he simply stops talking to you. I have “outsiders” call me Pastor. I’m not a pastor, I’m a preacher. There is a difference. There is a Biblical difference. I know what they mean. In time, if the journey continues, I will show them. But at first, there are much more important things to see and understand than what they call me.

Talking with grace is uplifting. That’s what grace is. It leaves us better than we were. Our speech ought to be that way. It ought to be encouraging rather than condemning. We ought to be pointing towards Heaven rather than pointing to Hell. Even very messy lives can find Christ. Build up. Compliment where you can. Be a friend.

Paul illustrated this concept by referring to food that is seasoned with salt. Some foods just need salt. Without salt, it’s just not the same. Popcorn is that way. Meat is that way. Too much salt and you ruin the taste, but just the right amount and it’s great. That’s the way our words ought to be, not just to outsiders, but to everyone. Sometimes we can be so friendly to strangers who serve us in the restaurant, and then be so ugly towards the people we love. Talk with grace to all people. Make it so people want to talk with you, not be afraid of you.

Something else about salt in food, you don’t actually see it. It just blends in and does it’s thing. But you sure notice it when it’s missing. The same goes for graceful talking. Consider the meetings you may be in today. Consider your phone calls and texts today. Work hard to communicate with grace.

When you do this, it will be noticed.

Roger