Jump Start # 3354

3 John 9 “I wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say”

The church John was writing to was troubled. It seems to be troubled by one person. And, so often that is exactly what happens. One person in the family or one particular person in the church, and it has to be their way or the highway. It is amazing that those who follow Jesus can appear to be so far away and so distant from Him. Jesus was gentle and humble in heart. Jesus never sent any away. But here, Diotrephes, is doing just the opposite of Jesus. He refuses to accept the people that John sent and he refuses to listen to what John says.

There are many obvious causes of a spirit like Diotrephes. Pride. Selfishness. Power hungry. Control freak. One sees this in sports. One sees this in politics. And, very sadly, one sees this in the church. This spirit gives rise to being a bully and walking all over the hearts of others. It’s a terrible thing when this is among God’s people.

Why? Why is it this way?

First, some think time and heritage gives them a right to be the top dog. Maybe their parents started the congregation. Maybe they have been there longer than anyone else. But all that won’t even get you a free cola. There is no such thing as a pecking order among God’s people. The last has as much a say as the first. Most who want to run the church, usually run it into the ground.

Second, because someone has more history than anyone else and knows all the background stories on everyone there does not give them the permission or the right to bend the rules, play favorites or demand their way. Everyone has a history. And, all of us have a dark page in that history. That’s why we needed and still need Jesus. I’ve heard some say, “We are charter members.” That expression is not Biblical, nor does it matter. If anything, those around the longest ought to be the best examples of service, hard work and love.

Third, those saved by Jesus are often ruined by those who claim to be following Jesus. An uppity attitude and a spirit of “we have put in our time,” only adds to an elitist spirit that hurts the church. Those who have been around the longest often had to struggle through some tough times as things were starting. A lot was expected upon the few. Experience and the right heart can help those who follow.

More concerning is what is a church supposed to do with a Diotrephes? His pride, position and following often intimidates others from saying anything. Anyone who dares challenge or question him is verbally assassinated by Diotrephes. He gets his way because people are afraid of him. Others, just don’t want to get in a verbal dog fight, so they look the other way. Most don’t agree with what Diotrephes is doing, but no one dares to try to stop it.

What can be done? A conversation must take place. With Bible in hand someone needs to show Diotrephes that he is not walking with the Savior. Evidence needs to be put on the table. Walking through the steps of Matthew 18, more may need to get involved. A Diotrephes won’t change easily. He’ll fight and fight for all that he thinks is his. Finally, discipline must take place. A genuine heart will repent. But most times, Diotrephes is far from genuine. So, a split happens. Diotrephes and his following start another congregation. The two groups refuse to communicate or acknowledge one another. Time passes and new people come to both groups. All they know is that the other group is wrong and do not go near them. Generations pass. And, sadly, two small struggling churches do all that they can to survive. One hates the other. The other ignores the haters.

All of this goes back to someone who would not walk like Jesus. That’s how it starts. How it ends often isn’t a pretty story.

Roger

Jump Start # 1327

3 John 9 “I wrote something to the church but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say.”

  Oh, Diotrephes, what a trouble and a pain you are. The book of Third John is short, only 15 verses. However, in these short verses three names are listed. First, is Gaius, who John loves. Last, is Demetrius, who received a good testimony from God’s faithful. Good men. Good examples. Good people to know. But in the middle is the name that most know this book for, Diotrephes.

This troubled soul had a grip on the church John was writing to. He refused to accept what John wrote. He accused John with wicked words. He refused to accept certain brethren and he those that wanted to accept them were removed. He had control over the group. They were in the clutches of what Diotrephes wanted. He was in charge and was not even giving way to an apostle.

His spirit didn’t die with him. In far too many places a form of Diotrephes lives today. People unwilling to listen to others. People who are bent on having their way. People who want to be in charge of things. Sometimes that spirit gets into the eldership. Folks misunderstand what shepherding is all about. Instead of leading, they see it as controlling. They want to be the boss. How wrong they are. Congregations that have such people in charge are limited in growth and have the life squeezed out of them as long as they are in a leadership role. Often, the Diotrephes in a congregation is not a man, but a woman. The wife of one of the leaders leads. She controls the shots and she gets her way by nagging her poor husband to death.

Poor Diotrephes never understood Jesus. The Lord never acted the way Diotrephes did. The Lord served. The Lord helped people. The Lord accepted, loved and built people up. The Lord was good. For many folks, the only congregation in town has a Diotrephes. Their options are very limited. Diotrephes has been in that role for so long that no one dares to challenge him. Behind his back, people can’t stand him. They all have felt his cruel and mean ways. He has favorites and double standards. He allows family members to get away with immorality and unrighteousness while others are pistol whipped by his abusive tongue for the slightest wrongs. Folks hope for a quick death of Diotrephes, but some how the Lord allows him to live on. Preachers come and go. Families give up and quit. Diotrephes knows how to put on a good show for outsiders. He can be sweet to get what he wants. He thrives on attention, accolades, and compliments. He drops names to look impressive to others. But those that live under his thumb know the true story. It’s not nice. He has turned Christianity into a cult and made himself the head of the group. The group assembles each week out of fear of Diotrephes rather than love for the Lord. They do what he says because he intimidates them into subjection. Diotrephes loves lessons on obedience, however he misunderstands Biblical obedience.

Brave men often whisper about standing up to Diotrephes but they fear that they will be tossed out. Diotrephes has his family and others who are loyal to him, mostly out of fear. The poor congregation limps along, doing only what Diotrephes wants them to do.

Have you seen this? I have. I could name place after place like this. This spirit is wrong and should not be tolerated. The goodness of God and the Gospel is stunted by Diotrephes.

John does three things in these 15 verses about Diotrephes.

First, he names him out and gives evidence to the wrong he has done. To this day, the name Diotrephes is sour and bitter among God’s people. We’ve studied these verses. We know his name. He is trouble. Some times trouble must be identified.

Second, John says, “If I come, I will call attention to his deeds” (v. 10). John has already done that. John is not afraid of him. He thinks more of the church and the brethren than his own skin. If he comes, it would be a showdown at high noon and only John would walk away. Diotrephes was a lot of talk. He was tough when John wasn’t around. “If I come” was a shot sent over the bow of Diotrephes’ ship. If I come, it won’t be tea, laughter and good times. If I come, you are going down. If I come, someone will be tossed out and it will be you. If I come, your days are over. God’s people sometimes need to have a backbone to stand up for what is right. This is not a call to be mean, cruel or ugly. That is never the way. Jesus did get in the face of the Pharisees, after three years of rejecting Him. There comes a time when a congregation must draw a line in the sand and take a stand with God. There comes a time, in the spirit of Luther, that something needs to be nailed to the front door of the church building. We are coming to such places with the ungodliness of homosexuality. There comes a time when we cannot but speak what we have seen and heard, as Peter told the officials who wanted him to hush up. The congregation where Diotrephes was lacked a backbone. He had gone way too far. It should never have gotten to this point. Some people do not belong in the leadership role of God’s church because they do not have the right heart nor understanding. There is no “first” among God’s people. Too often friends are appointed to leadership roles solely because they are friends, not because they are leaders. Disaster usually follows and friendships end. John might come. If he did, Diotrephes’ days were over.

Third, John tells the others, “do not imitate what is evil, but what is good” (v. 11). This verse follows the Diotrephes verses. This is a call to the others. Don’t do what Diotrephes is doing. Do not support him. Do not defend him. He is wrong and don’t the rest of you do wrong either. Bullies always have followers. The wanna be’s learn from the bullies. Spiritual bullies are no different. Do what is good. Stop putting people out of the church. Stop rejecting what the apostles wrote. Stop being a little Diotrephes.

It is sad that we have to have this story in our Bibles. We’d hope that everyone was on the same page. We’d like to think that everyone smiles, loves and gets along in God’s neighborhood. It should be that way, but Satan finds a way in. He always does. He’ll use one of us to mess up the good that is taking place. He’ll get one of us to complain, whine, take charge, get upset, or become a rebel. When he does, it stops the momentum. It diverts attention away from teaching, growing and praising to dealing with issues and upset folks. But maybe this story is here to help us, to warn us, and to keep a Diotrephes among us from rising up and doing wrong.

Pride was Diotrephes’ problem. Maybe he wanted to be one of the apostles. Maybe he wanted to be as well known and loved as John was. Maybe we simply do not know. Pride will keep us from admitting sins. Pride will make us bigger than what we are. Pride will make us think that we are different and better than others. Pride is like sour milk, it stinks.

Where Diotrephes missed it was in the initial steps of becoming a following of Christ. Jesus said to “deny self, take up our cross daily and follow Him.” Deny self—that’s what Mr. Diotrephes never did. He never got rid of self. He was killed by self. He loved self too much. He couldn’t see Jesus for self. Now, he was in trouble because of self. Most like Mr. D, never learn. They never see the damage that they have caused. They never understand. What they do is split the church. They find enough who are afraid to stand up and they dig their heels in and destroy decades of any good that the church has done.

Sad, sad, sad. These things should never be this way. The only hope is through teaching. Honest hearts change. It may take a confrontation. It may take some standing up. Those are painful days when that happens. The future, if it has any hope, must get Diotrephes to change.

There are many of our readers who are surviving with a Diotrephes among them. It’s time to get some nails, find the hammer and head to the front door of the church building. It’s time to stand with God. Wrong, even when it is one of us, must be dealt with, not tolerated.

We don’t have an apostle John coming, but we do have the Lord coming some day. He will come…

Roger