Jump Start # 1702

Proverbs 18:19 “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a citadel.”

Our verse today is one of many that are found in Proverbs that involve relationships. Getting along with others is harder than what it seems. Even in the N.T., even among brethren, there were moments of strife, division and contentions. We are pretty good at pushing each other’s buttons. We know how to irritate, it’s the getting along that is hard.

Our verse shows the consequences and the difficulty that follows hurt relationship. A brother has been offended. We are not told how or why. We don’t know the history here. That doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that the brother was in the wrong. Someone was offended. Attempts were made to smooth things out. The relationship was broken and damaged and now one was trying to win his brother back. That is compared to an army attacking a strong city. Winning the offended brother back is harder. The bars of a citadel, fort  or we might think of a prison, is the illustration of contentions. They are hard.  Many hands have held those bars and they didn’t budge. The bars keep those on the outside from coming in and those on the inside from coming out. The contentions are keeping brothers from coming together.

Let’s give this some thought today.

  It’s easy to offend. Sometimes we do that innocently. We say the wrong thing or it is taken the wrong way and some are offended. There are jokes that are simply off limits. They degrade and humiliate certain people, whether it’s their race, hair color, where they live or their ethnic background. I grew up in Indiana. We always told jokes about Kentuckians. A large part of my congregation and many of my dear friends live in Kentucky. I can’t say those jokes unless I want to offend friends. Some do that just for a laugh and then they don’t understand why their friends are upset with them.

While we are on this, some are insensitive and others are overly sensitive. Some just don’t care. They are going to say what they want to say,  offending and upsetting all who hear. Broad generalities will do this. But others are almost looking to be offended. They will use that as a reason to quit church and run with the devil. “They offended me,” is all they need to stop walking with the Lord. It helps, especially when you preach, to have thick skin. Just remember the Lord.

  It’s hard to win back the offended. It doesn’t just happen. Often, a simple, “I’m sorry,” isn’t enough. Feelings have been hurt. People wonder about your judgment. And with one little oft handed comment, you can set things back for a long time. People have changed congregations because they were offended by someone.

Our passage is showing that. It’s hard to win back the offended. Our passage doesn’t offer any help. It just states the difficulty. A person has to look else where to learn how to win back the offended. Apologizing is the first step. Promising to do better is the next. Some who are offended do not want to be “won back.” They are gone and they refuse to have a relationship again. There is not much you can do other than learn some lessons.

  Sometimes what was said was necessary and true. The person who was offended was in the wrong. The disciples reported to Jesus that He had offended some by what He said. Did Jesus rush over and promise never to say those things again? No. Did Jesus alter His future messages? No. Some are offended because they are in the land of the guilty. They want a pass. They want to be told that they are ok, when they are not. The message of the N.T. will offend some. It will offend those who want a same-sex marriage. You won’t get that from the Bible. It will offend those who want to worship any way they want to. It will offend those who want an entertainment style worship. It will offend those who want to turn the operation of the church into a democracy. It will offend those who want a say in crafting out the direction of the church. It will offend those who want to live like sinners. Yes, the message will offend some. Some may visit worship services and after one or two sermons, never come back. They didn’t like what they heard. Too much Bible. Too much “preaching.” Not enough jokes. Not enough fun time. Offended. Didn’t like it. Didn’t do what they wanted. So they leave, never to come back. They leave looking for a church that fits their needs. They will probably find just what they want. It will make them feel good. It will make them laugh. They will love it, but will it follow the Lord?

We can’t change the message, but if there is something about us that offends, we can adjust that. Paul went so far as to say that if eating meats offended some brethren, he would never eat meats again. Did he have that right to do that? Certainly. Why would he never eat meats again? He did not want to offend some. Would you be willing to do that? Could you do that? Too often, I fear, we’d say, “That’s their problem. What I eat is my business.” And off we go, hurting others when that could have been avoided. Don’t you be the center of the offense.

Part of denying yourself for Christ is putting others before you. That’s tough. That’s hard. We want to do what we want. Not any more. We must think of others. The offended is hard to win back. Be careful what and how you say things. Be mindful that not everyone is like you. Some may be bothered by what you say or how you say it. Don’t make fun of others. Put yourself in their shoes.

Can the offended be won? Yes. Easy? No.

Roger