Jump Start # 1579

1 Corinthians 9:5 “Do we not have a right to take along a believing wife, even as the rest of the apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas?”

We have come to our final article in this Jump Start series about preachers and preaching. There is so many more things that could be said, but it’s time to end this and move on to other topics. This series will soon be put into a booklet, number 16 in our Jump Start series, which will be entitled, “Preaching.” If you would like one, they are free, email me at: Rogshouse@aol.com

There are many very good books about preaching. If you have a young preacher working with you, be sure he has some of these books. Behind the Preacher’s Door and Letters to Young Preachers, are must books for all preachers. I wish these were written when I first started. Don’t just tell your preacher about these, buy them for him. The more elders, preachers, and the congregation have open communication, understand each other, and work together as a team, the better things will be. Suspicion, not trusting each other, complaining leads to a break down of the work. I hope this series has helped build some bridges that will improve things.

We must say something about the preacher’s family. Our verse today, shows Paul helping the Corinthians understand the role of the apostles. They had a right to be married. They had a right to have a family. The Scriptures do not tell us anything about these families. Did Peter’s wife travel with him or did she stay at home? What did his kids think about him being gone so much? Was it hard on them being the children of an apostle? It is from this that we transition to the preacher’s family.

The preacher’s family from the congregational standpoint: I am the first in my family to preach. I did not grow up being a “preacher’s kid” or “PK” as my kids called it. Many, many of my preaching friends did grow up that way. They saw their dads preach and went through the glories and the hardships of being a preacher’s kid.

Things are improving all around. The preacher’s pay, expectations and even how the preacher’s family is viewed is all improving. The horror stories of double standards, expecting more from the preacher’s kids than others had to do, or the “living in a glass house” or “fish bowl” are not so prevalent these days. There are still some stories. I have experienced some. The wife of the preacher often takes the hardest hits of anyone. Her husband gets the praise for great sermons. He is involved in making plans and helping lives and she often is in the shadows, carrying diaper bags and holding babies. She sees her husband taking some hits. She sees him discouraged. She hears what people say. The expectations for the preacher’s wife is often harder than what it is on the preacher’s kids. She is supposed to be at every baby shower. She is supposed to house visiting preachers. She is to be the social butterfly. She is to be in the loop of all that is going on. She is expected to teach kids classes. She must be early at the building and one of the last to leave. She has a faith that also must be protected, grown and sustained as we all do. Sometimes she doesn’t fit in with women her age, because “she is the preacher’s wife.” Sometimes she is not included. The busy preacher often doesn’t recognize the toll all this has on his wife. Every service, he’s standing in front of the crowd. She sits alone in a pew with the children. She must figure out how to keep them quiet, mange them and take out the fussy ones. She is worn about at the end of services and the smiling preacher has invited folks over. She doesn’t think the house is clean and is worried what to feed the guests. The preacher’s wife is often the one element in preaching that is overlooked. How my wife took care of four little ones when I was up preaching every week or out on the road traveling, I do not understand. She did a great job!

From the congregational standpoint, no more ought to be expected of the preacher’s wife, or his kids than anyone else. She is not on the payroll so stop this, “She ought to be at the shower” stuff. She no more represents the church than you do. Don’t expect more from the preacher’s kids than anyone else. We have this internal idea that the rest of the kids in church can be goofballs, but the preacher’s kids ought to be able to name the books of the Bible BACKWARDS. Really? Drop the double standards. The preacher’s kids will have struggles like everyone else. They will make mistakes like we all have. They must grow their own faith as we all do. Is it tough being a preacher’s kid? I don’t know. You can ask my four. I don’t think they are ruined. All of them are faithful Christians. All of them have married incredible Christians. One of them is actually preaching. Could things have been better? Sure. Did people make mistakes? Yes. But be tough and get over it and walk with the Lord. I included my kids. When we had work days at the church house, I took them along. I took them to nursing homes, hospitals and funeral homes. I did that because I wanted them to be servants. There were many mistakes made generations ago regarding how congregations treated and what they expected from the preacher’s family. Some attitudes were wrong. Some families got hurt. Some souls were dented and a few lost because of the ugliness and double standards. Today, we need to stop it when we see it or hear it. When need to be what God wants us to be. No excuses!

  The preacher’s family, from the preacher’s standpoint: First and foremost concern is the salvation of your family, preacher. Save the world and lose your family is no price to pay. You, Mr. Preacher, need to be around when the kids are growing up. This may mean saying “NO” to some gospel meetings. You do not have to do those. Your family needs you. You, Mr. Preacher, need to be in the stands when your kids are on stage or playing ball. They need to see you. You need to help them with their homework. You need to take vacations with the family. Using all your vacations for more gospel meetings, may put your name out there, but you may lose your family. Going out every evening for studies, meetings and attending other gospel meetings is not all that great. Stay home and watch a fun movie with the kids. Have a date with your wife. YOU control your schedule, so control it. Learn to say “NO.” This is hard for some of us. I’m doing it more and more, just because I doing so much where I am at.

Mr. Preacher, take care of your family. This includes being a good steward. You have taught those lessons in your sermons, now take those lessons home and apply it. I have known dozens of preachers who died without life insurance or savings. Did they think that they were going to live forever? Their poor, literally poor, families, struggled and struggled for a long time after they were gone. Term life insurance doesn’t cost that much. Get some. Stock some money away for emergencies. Start saving. We do not have a pension plan. Many preachers have opted out of Social Security. They are doing nothing toward savings. They boast, “I’ll preach until they have to carry me out.” Really? What if you are so old and crusty that you are not effective? Are you going to burden a church because you were not a good steward and prepared for your retirement age? Are you going to expect a church to carry you when they may not want to? What if you have a health issue and you cannot preach? Then what? Have you thought about? Waiting until you are 60 to begin thinking about this, is way to late Mr. Preacher. You need to start lining things up when you are in your 20’s.  Do you have a will, Mr. Preacher? What is going to happen to your library when you are no longer around? Does your wife understand your books and what the value is? Have you talked to someone else who can take care of that for your wife? It’s time to start practicing what you preach, Mr. Preacher. Start, by being a good steward.

The preacher’s family can be a blessing or a curse to both the preacher and the congregation. The relationship the preacher has with his family can be an example for others to follow or it can be one of those things that folks whisper about. I have known places that loved the preacher, but wanted him to leave because of his wife. She didn’t seem to care. She didn’t seem to be engaged spiritually. She was a burden. She eventually was the reason that he had to move.

When the preacher is out of town preaching, you in the congregation, look after his family. Things break. Things happen. Offer to help out. Take the preacher’s family out to dinner when he is out of town preaching.

Don and Fae are dear friends in Kansas City. When our kids had grandparents day at school, it was too far for their real grandparents to come. They lived two states away. Don and Fae took the place. My younger boys would take Don out for a frosty root beer and listen to his war stories. To this day, they love and have fond memories of a dear couple that helped a preacher’s family a long way from home to feel loved and welcomed. It is those kind of things that make all the difference in young hearts and growing faith.

The preacher’s family—have you given them any thought? Maybe you should.

Thank you for letting me write this series. I hope some where it has helped.

Roger