Jump Start # 1096
2 Timothy 2:22 “Now flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
Parents involved and active in helping their children in the dating process is what we are looking at this week. Some of the most stressful times in families comes right here. The child wants to date someone that the parent is uncomfortable with. The child wants to push the limits on how early to date or they see nothing wrong with dating someone much older than they are. Parents see red flags. Parents need to guide the child.
One of the big issues with dating, is who the child goes out with. Dating is much more than simply going out for some social fun. Dating is a journey that leads to love and then the emotions, reasons and common sense get all jumbled up and it’s hard to see clearly. Frogs do not become princes. That’s only true in fairy tales. Frogs remain frogs in real life. Also, from the pool of people that one dates, eventually comes the person that they will marry. So if their dating experience is with frogs and dogs, that is typically who they will marry. That is one of the parents greatest fears.
Our verse today is heavily emphasized on the front expressions, ‘flee youthful lusts.’ I want to consider the word ‘with’ in this passage. Flee youthful lusts. Yes. Pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace. Yes. However, do that pursuing WITH those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart. Sincere in faith. Not playing the game. Not a hypocrite. Not saying all the right things but not believing at the core of their heart. It is the “With those,” that parents need to help out with.
There are two common things that many kids face in congregations today. First, there is no one their age. There are kids older and younger, but no one their age. Or, they have grown up going to church with the kids that are their age and they’d rather swallow an egg as to go out with “those” people. There is no attraction, chemistry, or liking of the kids that they grow up with. So, the child starts dating people from school. This is where the problems begin. Parents do not know these kids at school. They do not know the parents of these people, the background, and especially question if the person calls upon the Lord from a pure heart. The child will beg the parent to give them a chance. The child will plead that the person is a good person. They will say, ‘you do not know them as I do.’ Some of the kids may be religious, some may not. We know all too well from our own experiences, that a lot of the trouble we got into was from friends who introduced us to things we should do, dared us to do the foolish and prompted us to do things that we never would on our own. Yes, we remember. We want to keep our kids safe from those influences.
What’s a parent to do? What if there is no one within the congregation that your child wants to date? Then as a parent, you broaden the circle and find more people that fit into that category of “with those.” Visit other congregations. Try some summer camps that are run by brethren. Get to know the child’s friends from school. Have your home be the place where kids gather. This takes some doing on the parents part. There are things that kids want to do. Just sitting around talking gets old for them. Invest in fun things that kids like to do. Keep the pantry stocked with snacks. Kids love to eat. Give them space but let your presence be known. Bedrooms are off limits. Too much alone time is not good. Too late at night is not good. Do some family things together. Get the person helping out around the house. You are noticing character and the kind of person he is. Definitely invite to church services. As a parent, don’t try to dress, talk or act like you are 16. You are not. You will come across as being very strange and you’ll embarrass your child to the point that she will not want to bring her date around. You are a parent, act like a parent.
The house rules need to be enforced. Language, respect and attitude must be right. Don’t toss a person out for one slip. Just remind him that we don’t use those words. If it continues, then deal with it.
Through this process, you are seeing things. Red flags need to be dealt with. There must be discussions with your child about what is going on and what you notice. You, as a parent are helping your child.
Early teen dating and later dating is not the same. Some principles developed in the early part will help with the later part. Later dating is much more serious. A future mate is in the back of their mind. They are more selective about who they go out with. This is the time to remind your child, that just as they are looking at someone, the other person is looking at them. It’s time for them to step up their game. Sloppy, lazy, attitudes, no goals, no ambition is not top shelf material. If they want a prince then they must be a princess. That involves more than having golden hair, it means that they have something attractive about their character, attitude, ambition and goals as well. This is the time that faith must be discussed. Religious differences can wreck a marriage. Someone who shows no interest in the God that you love, is problematic. This is where years of lessons come to the front. This is a head and heart issue. This is where you must shine as a parent. It’s hard. Compromising faith and convictions never leads to conversion. It leads to a weak Christian.
You want your child to marry someone that will help them go to Heaven. You want them to marry someone who will stand with God. You want them to marry someone who will help raise a godly family. Worship, prayers and spiritual growth are essential to pleasing the Lord. You want your child to experience that and to be engaged in God’s kingdom.
I know so many young couples that are doing that very thing. They have chosen godly people to date and marry and now they are on course to raising godly families. Sure they have stress, trials and everything that comes with being a young couple. Money is tight. Jobs are stressful. But with God and each other, worshipping weekly, they’ll be fine. They are establishing the right building blocks for a solid foundation. They have been taught well by godly parents. There were moments, but they got through that and today, they are doing well.
I can say this, because I have been there with my kids. Four kids. At one point I had four teenagers. What were we thinking! Three of the four are married. The last is now engaged. Everyone is a strong Christian. Everyone is busy in the congregations they attend. The dating process wasn’t always smooth nor without some differences.
The story doesn’t always end ‘happily ever after.’ There have been Christians who have married Christians only to have tears of broken vows and broken dreams. Someone didn’t keep the pure heart with the Lord. It’s a journey that each person must choose to stay on.
Parents, help your child to find the “with those” that Paul mentioned in our verse today. Don’t settle for, ‘there isn’t anyone.’ There is. You just have to find them.
Roger