Jump Start # 836

Proverbs 31:10 “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”

The other day I was looking for something in my files and came across something for dads. It’s entitled, “Top ways to intimidate your daughter’s date.” Here are a few of them:

1. Sprinkle some dust on your daughter before she leaves. Explain to him, “It makes fingerprinting easier.”

2. Answer the door wearing a police swat team uniform

3. Invite the local funeral director over to measure the young man.

4. Casually show him your collection of five shrunken heads. Then tell your daughter, “Number six is here!”

5. As they leave, speak into a walkie-talkie: “Male subject is wearing khakis and a blue polo shirt, driving a black Ford pickup.”

Most dads reading this probably like that list. We love our daughters and want to protect them. We want them to be treated honorably and righteously. When my daughter was away in college, I received a phone call from a young man that was dating her. He knew that I was a preacher and he had a Bible question he wanted to ask me. I told him certainly, but when you’re done I have a few questions for you. He hung up. My daughter wasn’t real happy, but I had fun with that.

Our passage begins a most noble section of Scripture that we call the virtuous woman. This week, I want to spend some time in our Jump Starts looking at this passage.

The context begins by explaining that these words were spoken to King Lemuel by his mother. There are several indications that she spoke these words knowing that he was going to be a king or even after he became a king. What we have is mom teaching her son, possibly even, grown son, about life and marriage.

Many congregations will have teenage classes about dating and most preachers will present lessons on those ideas. But what we have here is a mom involved in teaching her son. This is where it begins. This is most important. Don’t wait until they are in high school to have these discussions. Talk to them when they are young. Keep talking to them.

It is interesting to note what is missing in this description of the worthy woman. We are not told how old she is, the color of her eyes, her size, or any external features. The outside is important. If there is no attraction there probably won’t be a first date. The thrust of this chapter is upon the inside. What is she like on the inside? What is her heart like? What does she do? How does she treat others?

Far too many date by looks only and marry by looks only. The showroom may look good, but too often there is nothing in the warehouse. Someone (male or female) that looks great, but is selfish, shallow, materialistic, and spoiled will make life long and hard. It will wear upon you. It will grow old very, very fast. Crabby, nagging and mean take away all the beauty someone may have on the outside. It is important to find someone who is beautiful on the inside. Such a person is thoughtful, kind, complimentary, friendly, positive, spiritual and has a head on their shoulders. They think. They reason. They have insight.

I have always said, ‘who you date, is who you marry.’ If you date a frog, you’ll end up with a frog. Frogs do not become princes. They remain frogs. Creepy, dirty, smelly, and croaky. That’s a frog. If you want a prince, date a prince. But understand, that prince isn’t looking for a frog.

As important as finding the right person, being the right person yourself, is just as valuable.  If you are looking for someone to be kind, you be kind. If you are looking for someone who is thoughtful of others, you be that way yourself.

The most important thing to consider is, can this person help me get to Heaven? Will he or she be an encouragement to me when I am discouraged? Will they keep me on course when I want to wiggle off? Will they be quick to turn to the Bible for help? Will prayers be a regular and normal part of our home? Will worship be something that we do together and often? Will we talk about spiritual things? Will he or she be forgiving when I mess up? Will he or she be eager to have others from the church in our home? Will he or she be active with the church? Will he or she stay with what God says, even during the valleys of our lives? Will he or she be trustworthy with their word, money and promises? Will this person make a great mom or dad? Will God be glorified through our relationship together?

What you see in dating is what you get in marriage. Don’t marry potential, promises or hopes. If he is not interested in your God now, while you are dating, don’t think he will be later after you are married. If he promises to come to church with you after you are married, why won’t he come while you are dating? What you see is what you get. If he talks ugly about his parents, he will probably talk ugly about you after you are married. If he is careless with rules while dating, he will probably be careless with rules after you are married. If he is sloppy now, he’ll be sloppy later. If he says bad words now, he’ll say bad words later. If he puts you down around his friends now, he will do that later. If he puts his friends before you now, he’ll do that later. Do you see this? He may make all kinds of promises, but if he can’t deliver while you are dating, what makes you think he will after you are married? Take off the rose colored glasses. You may be dreaming of a prince when you are actually with a frog. Don’t settle for that. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will help you get to Heaven.

Marriage is not about finding someone who makes me happy. It is not about someone who makes me laugh. It is more than making someone else happy. Some days are not happy days. The purpose is to glorify God. He is more interested in our holiness than our happiness. A person may be happy without being holy. Being holy, will make you happy, because you are doing right.

Could it be our verse, “An excellent wife, who can find?” is asked because no one is looking? Maybe no one is looking for an excellent wife. They want a pretty wife. A rich wife. A wife that lets him run like he is still single. An excellent wife…an excellent husband.

They are out there. I know hundreds of them. They all have something in common, Jesus. They love Him. Worship Him. Follow Him. And want to spend forever with Him. That is what makes them “excellent.”

Roger