Jump Start # 563

1 Timothy 3:1 “It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do.”

We continue our series on man leadership, focusing especially upon the home. Our passage today is about the church. This verse begins what is commonly called the qualifications for an elder (or bishop). These “qualifications” are actually characteristics and manners of a man of God. His attitude, home, experience are part of the description of who he really is. These qualities describe a man who is walking with God.

In many congregations, there are too few men who meet these standards or who want to lead God’s people. It is an enormous task. It is not about budgets, writing checks, or deciding which color to paint the classroom walls—it’s about leading people, God’s people. Fathers ought to be doing this already in the homes. Without these spiritual leaders, the church is limited, the work is slowed and the arrangement is never the best. Congregations ought to develop men into these roles and current leaders should mentor others so they could learn. That’s the ideal situation.

All of this begins with that simple expression from our verse today, “if any man aspires.” Other translations state it, “if any man desires.” If a man wants to do it. That is about as far as many go. They will say, “I don’t want to,” “It’s not a good time for me,” “I’m too busy right now.” The lack of desire to lead God’s people hurts. There may have been bad experiences that they witnessed in the past, or, it may be that they lack confidence in themselves, but, the bottom line is that we are not seeing many today stepping up and leading. Staying on the sidelines is becoming the norm. That example is being passed on from one generation to another. We need godly leaders. We need those who will take a stand with God. We need those who are willing to get involved and make a difference in the lives of others. Where are they?

There is a strong parallel between what is happening in the church and what is happening at home. One of the common complaints wives have about their husbands is that he won’t lead. He doesn’t take charge. He’s not acting like the head. He doesn’t want to do the hard and messy stuff. He wants to be the fun guy. He wants the kids to view him as their buddy. So the task of making tough decisions, being the authority falls to mom. Mom doesn’t want it, but she does it because dad won’t. He’s too busy having a good time, being a kid with the kids. He doesn’t want the responsibility.

Not only is dad letting the home down by not leading as God wants him to, he is adding tension and strain to the marriage because mom is getting tired and frustrated with his failure to step up and do his job. In many ways, mom feels as if she has another child, the one who is supposed to be her husband. Dad’s failure to lead creates an inconsistency in the home as well. Kids will see it. Dad becomes the favorite. He won’t get on them. He lets the rules slide and he’s not likely to discipline. It all falls to mom. Issues come up and dad and mom are not on the same page. The kids will side with dad because “he’s cool.” “Mom,” they say, “is mean.” No. Mom is trying to lead and dad isn’t helping.

Does any of this sound familiar? Is it your home? This is more than a parenting issue, it is a failure to fulfill what God wants. The lack of leadership by men is not the design God had for the home. Men are equipped to be leaders. That’s the way God wired us. What’s to be done? What can mom’s do when dad won’t?

• You are dealing with a Biblical issue. When someone isn’t stepping up to what God says, it’s always a Biblical issue. God’s word is the solution here. Looking at what God says, like Eph 6:4, “Fathers…”, will remind and teach dads what their role should be. Understanding that the failure to lead hurts the family and that this example will influence how the kids will become is a serious matter.
• Pray about it. Pray helps and God can do things.
• Realize that as a parent I can never be my child’s buddy. Buddies only have fun. Buddies don’t have rules. God made you a parent, not a buddy. The rules teach responsibility. They are necessary to help in the development and growth of a child. Being a kid when you are supposed to be the adult doesn’t work. Don’t use their language. Don’t dress like them. Be the leader, and lead.
• Start with little things, little steps. Lead the prayer at dinner. Talk about Bible class lessons together.

What if the man still won’t lead? What if he doesn’t want to? What if he doesn’t feel like it? Shaming him, nagging him, giving him loads of guilt won’t work. That’s where moms turn to when all else fails. How about you and him, reading these Jump Starts together and talking about them. We’ve devoted a week to this topic. These will be printed up in a small booklet and if you want one, drop me an email (Rogshouse@aol.com). He may have never learned male leadership. His dad may not have been a good example. Ask him if he would be interested in reading Steve Farrer’s “Point Man”? Don’t just buy the book and throw it at him. He’ll never read it, that way. Ask him.

Compliment him when he does lead. Let him know you are proud of him when he takes charge and can be counted on.

He especially needs to see that he is shaping the future of his boys. Life is not all play. Life is not all about self. Taking the boys with him to serve others is incredible. My three boys grew up going with me to shovel the drive ways of our neighbors. They’d groan and sometimes complain, but they did it with me. We did that a lot. Today, all of them have the heart of a servant. It wasn’t shoveling snow, it was going with dad to help someone else. They’d ask “why do we have to do it?” They’d ask, “How come none of the other neighbors are doing this?” It provided opportunity to talk about being a servant and what it means to do things for others. I was so proud of them one winter day when I was out of town, that they got up, and on their own, they shoveled the neighbor’s drive way. The lesson was learned. What kind of men do you want your boys to become? I never pushed my boys into preaching. That’s not for everyone. I did, however, want them to learn to use their talents and help a church when they could. They have given lessons, lead singing, taught Bible classes and one of them is preaching today. I’ve proud of all of them. They became because they saw and they were led. If you want your boys to be leaders, they need to see it in you.

Dads, we need you to lead. Mom can’t do it. She’s not supposed to. There are some things that she can’t do. We need you to be the spiritual giant in your home. We need you to be the “go to guy” of the family. You can do it, because God believes in you. Work at it. Study about it. Talk to others about it. Get together with other men and have a class on this. Pray about it. But realize, it’s time to get off the sidelines and get engaged with what is going on in your home and lead it. God will not let you off the hook because mom did it all. God will not excuse you because you didn’t want to do it. Sorry, it falls to you. It’s up to you.

What kind of home do you want? Dysfunction does not have to define your home. I hope this series has helped. I hope we can capture our homes and bring them back to God where they belong.

Roger