Jump Start # 560

Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

We continue with our series on the role of men. Our passage today defines the role of dads in the home as God would like it. Fathers are leaders. Fathers are to bring the children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Fathers are the spiritual influences of their children. Fathers are the first impression that the children get of leadership and authority. That’s the way it ought to be.

We know it’s often not this way. Absentee dads, dads that do not come to church services themselves, dads who have little knowledge or concern for spiritual values, dads who let moms do all the raising of the children has become the norm in our society. Dads don’t feel like it. Dads are too busy doing their own thing or trying to find themselves. Dads are gone with the guys, leaving moms to care for the bringing up of children

Our passage presents both a negative and a positive. It begins with the negative, “do not provoke your children to anger.” The parallel in Colossians says, “Do not exasperate your children, so they will lose heart.” Don’t discourage them. Don’t provoke them to anger. Sure kids will get mad. They get mad when they have to go to bed before they are ready. They will get mad when you turn off the TV and make them do their homework. They get mad when they have to eat veggies and they don’t want to. Such is life. This is not what Paul is saying. Paul is dealing with the “provoking to anger.” Provoke—brings the image of a bully, ridicule, making fun of, putting down, destroying the spirit.

• This happens when there is constant criticism and little praise. This is when we create an atmosphere in which they can never do enough and they can never please. A’s are enough for some dads, it should have been # 1 in the class. Varsity isn’t enough, it should be breaking the school records. Push and push and push until the child hates the sport…the child hates his childhood…the child hates life. Don’t break the child.

• This happens when dads compare children with each other. Each is different—in talent, ability and capability. Comparisons never end well.
• This happens when dads have favorites among the kids. It may be the boy who plays sports, over the girl who sings in the choir. Dad may not know how to relate to the girl. It may be a son who likes fixing things over the son who is into computers. When there is a favorite, there is also one who is not the favorite, and that creates bitter jealousy. Jacob and Esau lived that way.

Instead of doing that, God wants dads to bring children up in the nurture (discipline) and instruction of the Lord. This is more than dropping the kids off at the front door of the church and then going back to bed until church is over. Throughout this country, I’ve seen many, many families, where dad is absent from church services. How can he do what God wants when he is not growing, learning or walking in the instruction of the Lord? The thrust of the passage is directed to fathers, not the church. It’s not the church who will bring the children up, it’s dads.

This means throughout the week, dad is connecting the kids to God. Prayers at the dinner table ought to be as regular as the food. The Bible ought to be read together, at home. When things come up, and they do almost every day, connections to what God wants us to do should be given. The expression, nurture or discipline means care. As a tender plant needs care so it will grow, so do children. It’s not barking out commands and orders, that you do not follow yourself. It doesn’t take much of that for children to see how inconsistent you are. “Don’t use bad language,” but dad does. “Don’t drink,” but dad does. “Don’t be mean to others,” but dad is. Before long, the kids will do what you do and not what you say. Ever notice that Jesus wasn’t that way. Before He told the disciples, He showed them. He was and they could look to Jesus as an example. Leading by example. That’s the key.

The other expression, “instruction of the Lord,” simply means God’s teaching. Bring them up by the book. Talk about the Bible. Make it a household friend. Use it, refer to it, look things up in it. Worship as a family. Honor God at home.

Dads who aren’t into those things and who aren’t connected to God will fail here. They’ll pass the responsibility to moms, who do the best that they can. It’s not supposed to be that way. The leadership of ancient Israel, was male. The leadership in the early kingdom was male apostles. The leadership today is male. It’s not about greatness, but order. That’s the way God designed it. Those who try to change it, sooner or later, will change God into a mother. Don’t go there. That’s wrong. God defines Himself. He is not our mother who art in Heaven, He is our Father.

Many incredible Christians can look back and see the role that their dads had in their development. Dads were in the stands cheering them on. Dads sitting at the kitchen table helping them with spelling words. Dads teaching them to throw a ball, ride a bike, or leading a prayer. They sat beside dad in church services. They went with dad to help a neighbor. They talked. They saw. They felt loved. They saw God through their dads. I have a dad like that. I sat beside him yesterday at a funeral in Indianapolis. The man who died was the same age of my dad. He served in WW II as my dad had. He was a Marine as my dad was. At the end of the funeral, the Marine hymn was played. I looked over at dad. His eyes were closed and he was crying. I rarely remember my dad ever crying. When we walked outside, he told me that song got to him. He said he could see all the white crosses of his fellow soldiers years ago. Dad taught me a few lessons yesterday. Amazing, after all these years, he is still teaching and I’m still learning. The best examples come from watching and seeing.

Dads are like that.

Dads, you are your child’s greatest teacher. Get busy, they grow fast.

Roger